Rejection

[Xhaiden]

**This is going to be a fic about the huge Rp going on right now. It started out as just something to do and now it's huge and I love the plot to it so here goes**




Rejection


"These feelings.....I give them to you.....This world...This life....You gave it to me....Take away our pain and give us to the light, for we are the souls of the world. "



The clinking of steel on concrete echoed throughout the silence of a broken world. Ash rained down upon the charred earth, the remains of what was once the most technologically advanced labroratory in Neo Japan lay in ruins along with many others nearby. Sparks danced from split cables, a few loose walls crumbling into dust. Only one area remained untouched by the mayhem. A small corner of what was once the center of the lab stood protecting a blackened figure. A small girl sat holding her knees to her chest, her innocent eyes gleaming with fear and confusion. Her white dress was now blacked and charred, her body coated in dirt. Her pure black hair clung to her shoulders, tears slipping from her half closed lids. Sound. Footsteps. Her head jerked up, oculars of pure silver gazeing up a a group of hunched figures.
" What is she?" One asked.

" Human it appears..." Another replied, examining the girl.

" I dunno....How could a child survive this?" A woman asked, crouching before the child.

" What is your name sweetheart?" The woman asked. The little girl looked up at her, untainted innocence radiating from her simple response.

"Faith..."

 

[Skye]

As a member of your rp, I'll be interested to see how this turns out! It's very good so far!

 

[Xhaiden]

*** Silence.....***


The silence...
It pulls down on my wings.....
The wings you gave to me....
Silence.....

* Neo Japan, Theater district. PMR headquaters 1:00 AM**

" We got a live one!" A man yelled, typing frantically on the screen before him. His head was covered in strange devices, many wires running from him to the computer. " Johnson get on it! Send out Squad 5 and tell them to get ready down in Recovery!" A heavyset man barked out, people instantly reacting to his commands. " I'm on it sir! " A familiar woman said, rushing out of the large control room. Large metalic doors hissed as they closed behind her, the corridors of the base sprawling out before her. Her ears were pointed slightly, her skin baring a bluish tint. Her hair was a mass of curly white, fixed at the top of her head. She was clothed in the black and gold uniform of PMR, several weopens visable on her person. She ronded a corner quickly, bursting through a set of double doors.

 

[dqle]

This Fanfic certainly caught my attention! Keep it up!

 

[Xhaiden]

Johnson walked forward, haulting before a group of five peole who were suiting up. All of them were different, most appearing to have some trace of pokemon in them. " You are to move out to sector 009 of the city. Look for a group of four Furries . They are completely surrounded and need imediate assistance. I will be going with you. " She ordered, the squad saluting her. " Yes Sir!" They yelled. A young man walked forward, his body covered with Long white fur. An Large black black tail curved behind him, another simimilar one rose from his head. " Ready to warp." He said in a mono toned voice. " Let's ROCK!!" A woman exclaimed, thrusting her fist upward. She was centaur like, twin horns rising off of her head. Her skin was split, the top half covered in thin yellow with brown spots, the bottom the opposite. Her short purplish hair was spiked up wildly, her eyes gleaming with excitment. "BooYa!" A scaled man sounded, smirking broadly. He was covered with red gleaming scales, two large wings stretching out behind him. A flaming tail swished to and from with anticipation. The five touched the Centaur woman, a multicolored glow forming around them. They vanished, reappearing in a dark alley. Johnson crept forward, freeing a small hand plasma gun. The others followed, thier nocturnal eyes gleaming. " Unea, Taika, scan the area. " The leader commanded. The Absol and Giraffarig morphs faded into the darkness, the other crouching low against the wall. 'I see seven humans of the south end, no real weopens, mostly baseball bats. ' Taika said mentally, standing atop a tall building. ' A family of four. Clefable and Clefairy from what it appears.' Unea added from his new position. " Jade, Dar, You two take care of splitting the humans, Scar and I will split and cut them off. Unea and Taika get the morphs to safty. Move out" Johnson ordered, the group moving silently. Dar, the Charizard morph lifted into the air, his wings carrying him swiftly over the city. He landed loudly behind the group of unsuspecting humans. He unleashed a earth shattering roar, startling them. " Holy $*&@!" One yelled, turning quickly. A woman walked up before them, her long green hair flowing about her. " Hello petty Humans...." She growled, lighting dancing about her. " Run! Now!" Another human yelled, the group splitting up. " Not so tough now are we?" Johnson asked, hovering before three of them. She held her hands infront of herself, a blast of green energy shooting at them. They were engulfed by the blast of dragon power, falling unconsious before her. A large muscular man landed with a thud before two that had ran down another alley, his body a bright scaley blue. Spines and fins jutted out here and there, a serpent like tail coiling around his feet. A large scar ran down his jawline, curving down around his neck. His eyes turned white, a wall of water rising behind him. The humans cried out as it crashed down upon them, knocking them back into the street. Dar grabbed one by the throat, tossing him like a rag doll into a trash can. Jade shot a bolt of thunder at the final human, electricuting him to the point of blacking out. Unea and Taika held hands around the small family, a mother and three daughters, telepoting them to the base. " Well done...Let's move..." Johnson ordered, Cloudlike wings appearing on her back. She Grabbed ahold of Scar, lifting off into the air. " Touch me anywhere bad and I swear I'll fry you..." Jade growled, allowing Dar to lift her up into his arms. " Hehe! What do you consider bad?" He asked. " Just fly!" She yelled, smacking him. " Alright killer!" He laughed, leaping into the air.

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Well, all apart from the last chapter were incredibly short. The thing I applaud you most for is your description. Your's is one of the first that I've reviewed with above average descriptions in both character and surroundings. The main pitfalls in this fics are:

Paragraphing - That last chapter was just one big lump of text that made my eyes go @_@. When you do paragraph, it's best to leave a line so readers don't get blinded. Also remember to paragraph when you have a change of place, setting, time and person speaking (which I'll address now).

People speaking - Remember that you start a new paragraph when someone new speaks. I'll give you an example:

"What is she?" One asked. " Human it appears..." Another replied, examining the girl.

This would become:

"What is she?" One asked.

" Human it appears..." Another replied, examining the girl.

It's little things like these that improve the length (which was pretty short), and get more readers to read, rant and rate your fic.

Apart from the above concerns and a few spelling and grammatical errors, this fic seems fine. Keep up the good work. :D

~ MCD

 

[Xhaiden]

(( I write like this because I am an author. I am working on a Novel so I write like most authors do. They don't leave spaces and this is not the whole chapter. I got cut off in the middle by my mother so hence the shortness. In other words...THIS IS HOW I WRITE GET OVER IT!!! :P Gomen....That was my sarcastic here's your sign side.....heh.....I will space things out though in parts for effect....*Sigh*))

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Well, if you shout at everybody that reviews your fic, you won't get many more reviews. It's just a couple of extra little things that could really improve the appearance of the fic. You don't have to do the things suggested, but I think it would improve it... meh...

~ MCD

 

[Inuyasha]

Well, if you shout at everybody that reviews your fic, you won't get many more reviews. It's just a couple of extra little things that could really improve the appearance of the fic. You don't have to do the things suggested, but I think it would improve it... meh...

~ MCD

<< Inuyasha rests his hands on Tetsusaiga, the bag of popcorn he was eating falling to the floor with a plop as he smiles evilly
"There a problem here sweetie?" He asks as he slowly pulls the fang out of the scabbard. He looks at her for a moment before he cracks his neck and licks one of his fangs. "I wonder... Kagome... they eat cats in China, right? Hmm... And... dogs... eat cats... and i'ma... dog... soo...." He looks at her, his eyes widening as he sees her mouth the "O" word. "FINE. Geeze. Can't try adn scare anyone nowadays. OY. Baka, Kagome here doesnt need any help with her writing. She's just lazy... I mean..."
-THUD-
"OW! Oy wench! Gyah! She's not allowed on the computer for a long time, so she types and sends as fast as she can. Trust me, you'll love her fics.">>

 

[Xhaiden]

A young girl sat calmly in a white room, toying with a small vulpix plushie. She appeared to be 12, her long black hair tied back into a braid. She was frail looking, her silver eyes gleaming in the bright light. " Hello Faith-Chan..." Johnson said softly, walking inside. Faith looked over at her, smiling brightly.

"Hello pretty lady..." She replied, hugging the plushie to her.

" How are you feeling today?" The Altaria morph asked, sitting down on the small bed.

" I am Bored.....want to see Furries..." Faith awnsered.

The girl petted her toy lovingly. " I want a real puppy..." She whined, looking up at the woman. The woman looked down at the child in shock, turning away to think. " We'll see..." She replied patting Faith's hair. Johnson made her way back to the control room, passing by the window of Faith's room, her eyes widening. " HAHA!!" Faith laughed, running from a small boy about her size. " I'm gunna get you!" He laughed.
" Nu uh!!" She giggled, running around the bed.
He was unusual looking, his hair a mass of whiteish silver fur. His ears were that of an espeon, coated in black fur. A long furry tail of ebony curving behind him, a silver band around the end.

" How did-"
" Cute aren't they?" A man interupted the officers train of speech.
" Unachi-Sama!" She yelped looking up reverantly at the tall man. He was the head of the organization, Human, but very powerful. " They will be together for a long time..." He added, walking off. " n-Nani?" She blinked in confusion.


(( Anyone who would like to be included in the story line send me a full description of a character!! ^_^ Oh and Gomen ne to anyone who I may have offended...))

 

[Inuyasha]

<<-blink-
-blink-
-blink-
-grin-
-GLOMP!-
"We loves our Kagome... waitaminnut... we?" He begins, a look of pure anger rising in his eyes. "Get outta my head, I'm the only one 'lowwed to love her!"
-smack wham crash-
"Ow.">>

 

[Xhaiden]

*Chapter continued*

Johnson plopped down behind her desk, sighing in exaustion. " What a week..." She groaned, closeing her eyes. Footsteps reached her ears, the Altairia Morph cracking open one eye. " You That tired Cloud?" A Male voice asked, peering down at her curiously. " Go away Unea...and as your superior I expect to be addressed as such.."Johnson replied, swatting at the young man. He grinned broadly, his crimson eyes gleaming mischeviously. "And what if I don't?" He asked, crossing his arms acrossed his chest.
" I'll stick you with Darwin...." She retorted, earning a shudder from him. He lifted her from the chair, the captain yelping in surprise. " Comon! You've been working all night!" Unea commanded, pushing her towards the door.
" But! The reports! I have to-
" I will take care of it. Now go get some sleep Capt." He said reassuringly.
She looked at him gratefully, her eyes softening.
" Arigato..." She said, turning to the door. " sleep well...." He replied, hiding a blush.
When she had dissapeared from sight he exhaled deeply, sitting down in her chair.
Static reached his ears as his communicator clicked on.
" Half breed are you in?" A rough voice asked, jolting him back to reality.
" Yes...I'm in..." He replied.
"Good. Download thier location and files onto your harddrive. " The voice ordered.
"Yes sir..." He awnsered. The morph pushed a button on a strange device he wore on his head, a transparent green screen appearing over his eyes. He pulled a cord from the back of the device free, plugging it into a computer that sat on the desk before him.
" Downloading now." He stated, feeling a tingling sensation as information coursed through his brain.
He groaned softly, his eyes changing. His pupils took up his entire eye, data reflecting in thier black depths.
" Download complete..." He said finally, shaking slightly. He shuddered from the rush, holding his head.
" Return to base imeadiatly you half breed scum. " The voice commanded.

" I really wish you would address me properly human...." He growled. A charge of electricity jolted through his body, the morph crying out in pain.

" You heard me....." The voice mocked coldly.

The absol rose, regaining his composure. He exited the room, walking swiftly with purpose. " Yo! Unea!" A voice from behind him called, startling him. " Oh! Uh Taika! Hi." He replied, facing her. " Wanna grab something to eat?" The girl asked. " Umm..Not right now. I have errends to run for Captain Johnson..." He replied.
"Oh... Maybe next time then?" She asked hopefully.
" Sure!" He beamed, smileing for her.
She blushed happily, trotting off towards the others.
Unea sighed , continuing his journey. He reached the outer clearance level, stepping into the elevator that would take him to the surface.

" Where are you going?" A voice asked calmly.

He turned, facing a white haired child. The child looked up at him curiously, his ears swivalling towards him. " I'm going up to look around. And if you are good Takeda-chan I'll bring you back some candy." Unea lied, patting the boy.

" You are lying....You are going to see the bad people..." The child replied, glaring at him.

" EH!" Unea gasped in shock.

" I can't let you do that....Bad puppy..." The child stated, holding out a clawed hand. The room disstorted around the Absol, violent light bombarding him. His heart sped up drastically as his vision blurred. He screamed in agony, falling to his knees.

The Absol looked up at the child in fear, blood trickling from his mouth.
" Takeda....I...I'm sorry..." He choked, drawing in a final breath.

"....." The child looked down at the fallen morph emotionlessly, then turned his gaze to a human man.

" Uncle Unachi... What should I do?" Takeda asked the Commander.

" You did well Little one..." The red haired man awnsered, patting the child gently.

" Take Unea to an observation room and extract the data..." Unachi commanded a group of soldiers.

" Come on now...Let's go see Faith..." He said to Takeda, the boy's face lighting up.

 

[Inuyasha]

l33t. I'm evil. xD
Love it babe, WRITE MORE!
-huggles-