Rise & Fall

[KLS]

Rise & Fall

don't ignore me
because I'm right under you
waste one second
and you'll be swallowed whole

look at me
cold, blood stained eyes
fall into my glare
and feel the hatred

come at me
but don't hesitate because
it's my time to rise
and your time to fall

 

[Natsuki]

Rise & Fall

don't ignore me
because I'm right under you
waste one second
and you'll be swallowed whole

look at me
cold, blood stained(blood-stained) eyes
fall into my glare
and feel the hatred

come at me
but don't hesitate because
it's my time to rise
and your time to fall

Oooh, this one sounds power-hungry. XD I like the mood you get from this one. This poem is kinda showing what true confidence is like. Possibly even over-confidence. ^^;

You feel as though no one can beat you, in anything. You are the soul master, the lord who watches over the land and laighs at his own strength and prowess.

The only spelling error was the word blood-stained, but I've corrected it for you. You can have the dash in between it, but it doesn't always call for that. ^o^

I also should inform you that you should use capitol letters in the first letter of the first word in every line. ^^ Also, you need to use punctuation (Commas, colons, etc.) after each line in any poem. This helps with the overall appearance of the poem and it really strengthens the flow too. ^^

Good work KLS, keep on writing those great poem! ^.~

~Kelsey

 

[IceKing]

I like that poem. The rough, powerhungry tone drew me in. Language wasn't that awesome, but the way you used your language was awesome. Transition was nice as well and it flowed pretty nicely

 

[EvIL_CAjUN_CHIkIN]

Very strong, like black coffee! I loved it!!!!

~Sawrah~:D