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The Destined

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Ms. Eevee

The Ultimate Eevee Lover!
  • 30
    Posts
    20
    Years
    Here's my second fic. It's about a young eevee who experiences the life of a captured Pokemon. A strange combusken tells him that he is destined. "For what?" eevee asks. combusken answers that she is destined to bring the world destruction. Read on to find out what happens.


    Chapter 1:
    Ireth Meets Maria



    Hello. My name is Ireth, but you can just refer to me as the main Eevee of this story. MY story. And to tell you the truth, this isn?t a story. It?s not a myth, or even a fairy-tale. It?s my adventure. My life. My story.
    It all began when I was playing tag with my sisters, Nienna and Artanis, and I was running through the woods. My brother, Tuor, jumped out in front of me, and I screamed.
    ?Hah! I got you, Ireth! I finally got you for all those times you got??
    ?Hey, look, Maria! Isn?t that what you were looking for? Eevee? There are two, so I get one too!? a boy?s voice said.
    ?NO! Tuor, run! It?s a trainer!? I shouted.
    ?Don?t be ridiculous, Ireth. I can take them on, both of them!? What an idiot, I thought. I had to stay. Ma would kill me if I didn?t. So I did.
    ?Alright, let?s see what these humans have to offer!? Tuor said.
    ?GO! Combusken!? the boy shouted. Oh, no.
    ?GO! Poliwag!? the girl called ?Maria? shouted. Luckily, I was the one fighting Poliwag, but I felt bad for my brother.
    ?Flamethrower!? the boy said, and I watched as my brother was scorched.
    ?Pokeball, go!?
    ?NO!? I shouted. Now, I was determined to be captured, whether the Maria chose to catch me or not. So I decided to just lie down and start grooming myself like Ma would.
    ?Huh? Is this Eevee crazy? Ok, then. Pokeball, go!? the Maria threw a Pokeball. It was amazing inside there! It was like sleeping on a bed of fire without being burned. It was all red inside, and so warm?
    ?Go, Eevee!? Huh? In front of me was what looked like a wild Vulpix. Somehow, it looked familiar? Gelmir! Tuor?s friend! And the Maria was making me battle him! Humph! I just sat down and started grooming myself again.
    ?Geez, I thought it was just Azurill that disobeyed me! Darn it! Return, Eevee!? Ah, the comfort of the Pokeball?
    ?Come on out, everybody!? I suddenly found myself in a pen, and I was surrounded by 9 other Pokemon. They were all familiar to me, especially Tuor. There was Tuor, of course, and Gelmir. There was Maeglin the Sandshrew, Orophin the Pikachu, Elrohir the Diglett, that Poliwag, the Combusken, and Isilindil the Azurill.
    ?So, you were all captured?? I asked. Everyone started talking at once, except my brother and the Combusken. He was very quite, and piqued my interest. I stared at him for a moment, but when his eyes moved over to me, I looked away and walked toward Tuor.
    ?I told you to run when you saw the trainer and the Maria,? I muttered.
    ?Yeah, and I didn?t tell you to get caught either!? he shouted at me. Oh, how stubborn brothers can be.
    ?Don?t you yell at me! Thanks to you, Ma?s lost her husband and her twins!? I shouted back. He just turned around and gave me a look of warning. He did that every time I got him mad, so I didn?t find it odd or surprising.
    ?Fine, be that way! I?ll leave you alone, Tuor! Get away from me!? I shouted. Then I ran away and laid under the awning of the building that served as a wall of the fence, my back to Tuor. Sometimes I just hate him! He can be so stubborn! Ugh! I wished my mother was there. She?d know what to do. So eventually I just drifted of to sleep.
    Chapter 2:
    Ireth?s First Gym Battle



    When I woke up the next day, I heard the sounds of the other Pokemon sleeping. Since I was the first one to fall asleep, I was the first to wake up. I turned around. Just as I thought, everyone was sleeping, except Combusken. I got up.
    ?Hey, uh, Combusken?? I asked. He just turned his head towards me. His eyes where quizzical, as if they were saying, ?Try me.?
    ?How come you?re so kept to yourself??
    ?Because?? he said. Then stood up straight, and gave me a different look, although I couldn?t decipher what they were saying.
    ?Because I am the strongest,? he finally said. ?And you are the weakest.? I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could, he said, ?Someday, you will be strongest. But not now. I am strongest, and you are weakest.? How does he know? I thought. He is a Combusken, and he will evolve into Blazeken. I am Eevee, and I have many choices for evolution, but none of them are strong enough to defeat him. Unless?
    ?Do you know another evolution for me?? I asked hastily. He didn?t answer. Everyone was getting up.
    ?Ireth!? I heard from behind me. I looked at Combusken. He blinked and looked away at the oncoming Maria and boy.
    ?Ireth!? I heard again. This time, though, I turned around. It was Tuor.
    ?What do you want?? I asked.
    ?I want to say I?m sorry for yesterday, Ireth. It was my fault that we were captured, and I?m sorry.? He said. I was surprised, because never, in his life, has he said the word ?sorry? to anyone.
    ?Don?t worry about it. If we keep disobeying, then we?ll eventually get release?? I didn?t get to finish saying ?released,? because my brother was sucked up into his Pokeball. I looked up, and I could see the red light coming toward me. Ah, yes. The Pokeball?
    ?GO! Eevee!? Darn it! Out again. This time, I saw an angry looking Skitty in front of me.
    ?Name?s Gwindor,? the male Skitty said. ?Your?s??
    ?Ireth. And don?t think you are going to win, because I am level 25,? I answered.
    ?Yeah? I?m level 28,? he answered.
    ?Skitty, use Tackle!? a girl behind Gwindor shouted at him. I dodged him with ease.
    ?Eevee, use Sand Attack!? I guessed I ought to obey her, just so this ?Gwindor? guy doesn?t think I?m a baby. And he attempted to dodge it, but this Skitty must weigh at least 60 pounds. I, weighing around 20, was way faster than him. I kicked the dust up right in his face. While he was wiping his eyes, I took a look at where I was. By the looks of it, I thought, I?m in a Gym. Probably the Rosewood City Gym. And from what I had heard, the badge I was to win was the White Badge. Pathetic.
    ?Eevee, use Quick Attack!? I heard the Maria tell me. Great! I?m even faster now! Doesn?t the Maria know I?m way faster than Gwindor? I obeyed anyway. After I hit him, he looked like he would faint the next time I hit him.
    ?And finish him off with Tackle!? I felt bad for kicking this thing?s butt. The girl behind Gwindor returned him to his Pokeball. I grew a level. The girl sent out a Delcatty, and Maria returned me to my Pokeball. I didn?t learn about what happened until way later that night. And boy, was I going to have fun later that last night.

    Chapter 3:
    Evolution Between Trainers





    Later that night, I was released from my Pokeball, but this time I was in a different pen, with more Pokemon. This time there were 11 Pokemon with me. The 2 new ones were, as I learned, Nienna the Butterfree, and Dinendal the Dustox.
    ?Hey, Ireth!? my brother yelled. I turned to him. He looked different, but I couldn?t figure out how.
    ?I see you haven?t evolved yet, huh?? he asked.
    ?Neither have you, Tuor.? I answered smugly.
    ?You mean you haven?t noticed? Geez, Ireth! You?re thicker than I thought! I have evolved, into a new Eevee evolution, called Terreon. You get it? Terra means earth in human language. The Jamie found a glowing green stone, and held it up in my face, because I was out of my Pokeball. Then I just evolved. Cool, huh? And check this out, I?ve got leaves on my ears. Hah hah hah!? he said. I sighed.
    ?Stop bragging, Tuor. I knew you evolved. I just wanted to see if you could remember that you weren?t an Eevee anymore. Besides, I?ll bet you that tomorrow I?ll be evolved, and be cooler and stronger than you!? I said, then I ran of, and went to my place under the awning. I eventually fell asleep to the oohs and awes of the other Pokemon.

    This isn't the end, it's just late where I am. I'll type more later.
     
    Chapter 3:
    Evolution Between Trainers





    Later that night, I was released from my Pokeball, but this time I was in a different pen, with more Pokemon. This time there were 11 Pokemon with me. The 2 new ones were, as I learned, Nienna the Butterfree, and Dinendal the Dustox.
    ?Hey, Ireth!? my brother yelled. I turned to him. He looked different, but I couldn?t figure out how.
    ?I see you haven?t evolved yet, huh?? he asked.
    ?Neither have you, Tuor.? I answered smugly.
    ?You mean you haven?t noticed? Geez, Ireth! You?re thicker than I thought! I have evolved, into a new Eevee evolution, called Terreon. You get it? Terra means earth in human language. The Jamie found a glowing green stone, and held it up in my face, because I was out of my Pokeball. Then I just evolved. Cool, huh? And check this out, I?ve got leaves on my ears. Hah hah hah!? he said. I sighed.
    ?Stop bragging, Tuor. I knew you evolved. I just wanted to see if you could remember that you weren?t an Eevee anymore. Besides, I?ll bet you that tomorrow I?ll be evolved, and be cooler and stronger than you!? I said, then I ran of, and went to my place under the awning. I eventually fell asleep to the oohs and awes of the other Pokemon.



    The next day, I again woke up to the sounds of Pokemon sleeping. When I rolled over, Combusken was staring at me. I sat up, my ears perked.
    ?Your brother is destined,? he said to me.
    ?Destined? For what??
    ?To be one of Them, and you are too.? he answered.
    ?Them? Who are They?? I asked.
    ?You are. You are The One. The One who will lead Them to fame and legend, but to death as well. You will perish with Them.? he answered. I looked at him with wide eyes.
    ?You?re kidding. You have to be. How can I lead these people to fame and all that if I don?t know who they are?? I asked.
    ?You shall see, soon enough, anyway. Your brother is awake, Ireth.? I turned around and saw my brother standing up and shaking himself out.
    ?Whoa, I?ve got roots! Check it out, Ireth!? he shouted over. From the bottom of his feet were roots that were probably sucking nutrients out of the ground. I looked back at Combusken, and he just nodded his head at me. I ran over and helped my brother pull his roots out of the ground.

    Like my fake eevee evolution?
     
    Sorry, I didn't know! The third one was on a differnt day though, because I thought that if I posted another chapter it would grab peoples attention... Sorry anyway!
     
    Nice

    great job this is one of the best fan fics I've read. Is that the end or is there another chapter coming
     
    Okay... Um... This is an interesting story... Umm... I'm not sure I understand this pen of yours... And... did your main character know ALL of the other pokemon that were there? That's kind of... odd.
    One issue is that it seems very conversational in the beginning. The story would sound fine if you were telling it out loud in these words, but as a written story, it's not very formal.
    Also, in the beginning, it makes your main character seem very... self-centered. She says "It's MY story" and repeats the word "my" about 30 times. I realize this is an exaggeration, but it's still something to work on.
    To be honest, I've only read the first chapter, so I can't get a full idea of your story, but... that's what I think so far.
    On the positive side: no mechanical errors. Did you type this up on MS word or something first? I mean, there are a few sentence fragments, but that ties back to what I said about it being conversational. The point, though, is that spelling, grammar, and punctuation are otherwise perfect, which is amazingly rare.


    Oh, and you mentioned the "weird names"... They seemed rather... elvish, to me... Am I right?
     
    You guys should really read the rules.

    1) You can double post in the fanfiction forum but only authors can.
    2) The fanfic fails to meet the standards...so... sorry...

    *CLOSED*
     
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