The Forgotten Son

Banov

Master of Kecleon
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    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    Welcome to my humble fic, The Forgotten Son. I plan to update every Friday; Chapter 3 will be going up next Friday so I plan to catch up by then. Today I'll post the prologue and chapter one, and sometime this weekend (ONE I GET SOME REVIEWS) I'll put up chapter two. Sound good? No? Too bad! As an added bonus, if I can I'll turn this first post into a 'table of contents' assuming that I get some readers who would actually use it.

    And now, the prologue.

    Prologue
    ----------------------------------
    He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's… he's gone.

    The same thought ran through the head of Luke Merluzzi over and over- his brother, Griffe, was gone. He was gone, gone, gone, gone. And even though it wasn't his fault, Luke felt responsible and guilty. It was his own **** 'coming of age' that began the series of events leading up to this moment.

    "Luke!"

    Luke didn't bother looking up- the voice he heard was quickly recognized as his father's. Hearing his father's voice made him awfully angry after what just happened. So angry, in fact, he stood up and yelled back, tears streaming down his face.

    "GO AWAY, DAD! I WISH YOU'D NEVER COME BACK HERE! GO BACK TO YOUR WORK AND BACK OUT OF MY LIFE!"

    "How DARE you talk to me like that, Luke! I've just offered you a position with me in a place that'll bring you prosperity like you never dreamed!"

    "YOU CALL THIS 'PROSPERITY'?! GRIFFE'S GONE! HE RAN AWAY! EVER SINCE YOU GOT INVOLVED WITH THIS TEAM ROCKET AND THIS GIOVANNI GUY EVERYONE'S LIVES HAVE BEEN RUINED!!"

    Luke was yelling louder than he ever had, and after he finished he sat back down into his corner, burying his head into his hands and legs and weeping, his black hair bobbing as he sobbed into his arms.

    "Luke, your brother ran away because he's jealous of what I just-"

    "Are you blind, dad?! He HATES you. He ran away with MY POKEMON because he doesn't want it to end up with me under your CONTROL! He doesn't want them to be raised like you do it now... You used to show them kindness, but now you gave that up for more power!"

    "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Luke's mother screamed, throwing a show and missing her husband. "You're trying to corrupt our SON with your pitiful offers, and now you've traumatized him after you drove my little Griffe to run away from here! You're despicable; you're nothing like that man I married so many years ago!"

    No, no, not again. Mom and dad are fighting again. Luke hated it! With one more sob, he stood up and dashed out of the house with nothing but the clothes on his back, screaming all the way.

    "Luuuuke!" His mother called, yelling to her son as he ran.

    "SON!" His father yelled, "Your brother ran away to stand up for what he believes in- but you're running away from fear of your future!! If you're truly so cowardly, then from this moment on I declare you to NO LONGER BE MY SON!"

    Luke turned back.

    "I DON"T CARE! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR SON! I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF WHAT YOU'VE BECOME! I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!"

    And he turned again and ran. And ran, and ran, and ran.
    ----------------------------------------
    End Prologue
     
    And, chapter one. Sorry for the double post, from here on I won't do it if I can avoid it.

    Chapter 1
    -------------------------------------------------
    "AAAAaaah!"

    With a yell Luke jumped out of his bed, his face sweating.

    "Oh… it was just that dream again…. I guess I should have expected it…. After all, it's my… birthday…."

    The as of today fifteen-year-old boy sobbed into his arms. Along with his dream, many other painful memories surfaced. He remembered the shock his family felt when his dad left to be a part of Team Rocket…. The joy of getting his first pokemon, a small blue-and-yellow cyndaquil, on his tenth birthday, and the horror when Griffe ran away with it… he remembered searching for Griffe for 2 years before giving up… when Team Rocket disbanded and he was twelve, and the fear he felt of where his dad was…..

    ...And then he remembered Griffe himself… Griffe always had well-cut and neat black hair, as opposed to Luke's untidy hair. He'd always talk about when he was big enough to train pokemon, and all the fun he'd have with Luke….. tears formed in Luke's eyes as he realized that by now, if Griffe was still alive then he'd be ten… he'd have just left home with his own starting pokemon…

    This sadness turned to hatred, as he recalled his father, whose greed forced all of this to happen. He gritted his teeth and punched his bed.

    His chance of going back to sleep were gone, so he pushed himself upright and yawned, scratching his head and blinking his moist, swollen eyes. A frown hung on his face as he pushed open the door to his home; which coincided with the door to his room. He lived in a one-room house on the route between Violet City, a city on top of a hill near the middle of the region, and Azalea Town, a small town with bright colors and nice people. Luke, whose profession didn't bring him much money, was too poor to buy a home in Azalea Town, so he settled for right next to it.

    After leaving his home, he circled around to the back where he built a shed himself, which was only a little smaller than his house. Within it he found the pokemon who he'd acquired over the years; for now, just a green lizard treecko and a white cow pokemon miltank; an oddity as most were pink.

    Luke ran a small day-care center. New trainers fresh out of Violet City would often come upon his home, and give him their weak pokemon to watch over as they were too lazy to care for their own pokemon. It sickened Luke; the way they abandoned weak pokemon reminded him of his father, and in the same way he felt a closeness to these abandoned pokemon, as he felt just as they did. Sometimes their trainer would never return, and Luke would set the pokemon free. There were many who used the daycare the "right" way... but it was the abandoners who stuck in Luke's head.

    His acquiring of miltank and treecko, however, did not happen through this process. Treecko was certainly abandoned, but Luke was forced to promise never to set it free, and keep it as his own. The owner was a young kid, no older than 11 or 12. He was obsessed with cartoons from Japan- anime- especially some show he called 'Ruroni Kenshin.' He forced his treecko to watch an all-night marathon of the show with him, which messed with the treecko's head and lost the trainer his legal ownership of the pokemon under grounds of mental abuse. He was forced to give away treecko, with the special reminder that treecko was not to be set free into the wild as a rare starter pokemon; it was basically a means for the pokemon professors to keep their special starter pokemon from being able to be caught in the wild. In the meantime, the former owner continued down the route, going through Azalea and all the way to Goldenrod City, where he broadcasted his Ruroni Kenshin fan fiction on the radio.

    The poor treecko, however, suffered some mind damage. It now BELIEVED it was this samurai guy, Kenshin, and when it battled it would draw a sharpened blade of grass out to do battle with a 'katana.' Of course, Luke never let his pokemon battle. The idea of his friends getting hurt made him uneasy; they were his friends, and he had no right to make them fight.

    As for miltank, Luke found it near olivine city close to the time Team Rocket disbanded. Luke was beat up and battered; he had traveled an unbelievable distance without any supplies; he lived off of thievery and other such things until then. As he collapsed outside the city, the miltank found him and nursed him back to health with its milk; evidently miltank have strong maternal feelings for children. For this reason it never left Luke, even though it technically was not under his ownership; it worried about him dearly. It was through miltanks' mother-like urging that Luke stopped his dangerous lifestyle and settled down.

    Both pokemon were awake, and appeared to be simply sitting together. Upon Luke's entrance miltank gave a sad moo and embraced the boy, knowing right away that today was his least favorite day of the year. Treecko, on the other hand, cared less. It honestly didn't like Luke much at all, despite his efforts.

    Spotting a mareep galloping out near the house, treecko stood up and dashed out the door, suddenly attacking the electric sheep with its blade of grass.

    "TREECKO! GET BACK HERE!"

    There was no response as the pokemon was attacked back by electricity.

    "Oh, for the love of- KENSHIN, GET BACK HERE!"

    The treecko turned and growled, hesitating then walking back, casting its opponent a glance that struck the deepest fear into it.

    "Treeck- er, Kenshin, you know I don't like you to battle. You've done a good job of staying out of trouble for the last month, don't break it now!"

    The treecko looked up and bared its teeth. Luke's will for his pokemon not to fight caused a great deal of tension between him and Kenshin, who wanted to fight all the time. The force-feeding of pacifism onto the pokemon lead to the storing up of its bloodlust, until it exploded all at once and attacked random pokemon. To fight this pokemon's nature was very difficult to do.

    Miltank squeezed Luke even tighter, wishing for him to calm down and stop yelling; it was afraid Kenshin would harm him. It gave a chipper moo to try and cheer up Luke, but today not much would be able to do that.

    After some time of calming down together, the trio did their daily ritual of going up to Violet city for breakfast, which Luke could just barely afford, and returned back to Luke's home by noon.

    They came home to see some kid knocking on Luke's door. From his backside Luke could see the kid has long, red hair; very untidy red hair.

    "Um… excuse me sir?"

    The boy turned around, and Luke jumped back.

    The boy had terrifying eyes, which seemed to be overflowing with… something. Whatever that something was, it scared the heck out of Luke, and he barely managed the courage to continue his sentence.

    "H-hello, sir, were you going to drop off a pokemon for day care?"

    The boy raised an eyebrow.

    "Yes, I do. I suppose you're the owner?"

    "Yup, I am. Which pokemon will I be taking care of and for how long?"

    "Well, I have this pokemon- called magikarp."

    He released a large red fish, which bounced helplessly on the ground.

    "I hate it. It's weak." He said this with a certain bitterness.

    "You… you hate this pokemon because it's weak?" Luke responded, shocked.

    "Yeah. You got a problem with that?"

    "Well, yes, I do. Not liking a pokemon because of its strength is a terrible thing. If you train with it a lot, I'm sure it'll get-"

    "I don't have TIME to train a weak pokemon."

    "What a terrible thing to say..."

    "Listen, should I give you my pokemon or would you rather I FORCE it onto you?!" The kid said, grabbing Luke by the scruff of his neck and staring into Luke with his cold eyes.

    "G-giving it to me's fine." Luke's courage ran out rather quickly.

    "Good." He shoved Luke to the ground.

    "Now, I never want to see this weakling ever again."

    He kicked his fish and it landed into Luke's lap with a painful groan. Tears began forming in Luke's eyes as he looked at the abused pokemon. Without a word the kid walked away, his long hair trembling in the wind. He looked back one more time, however.

    "I hope you don't plan to win any battles like that. You're training your pokemon to be weak, you're letting them get too close. I learned that getting close to a pokemon is painful- the hard way. I hope that you change your ways soon."

    And then he continued off into the distance. A frown from miltank showed that she without a doubt despised this boy, and had it not been for Luke's urging never to fight it would have gladly slugged him. With a depressed sigh, Luke realized something;

    "I never got his payment......"
    -------------------------------------
    End Chapter 1
     
    Last edited:
    Umm...Not to give an overly bad review but... Something about the way his parents were fighting in the beginning just didn't ring true to me. Most of all how the father talked about the other son that had ran away. It seemed a little overdramaic, even if the parents were having troubles I don't think they would not care or go looking for the run away boy (s).

    Also, 15 seems very young for him to have his own place, maybe an appartment, but his own Daycare and living alone at 15?...

    And it could be just me but...do you have something against Ruroni Kenshin? O.o I don't think watching too much anime would really brainwash anyone, and I did not even know there was anime or that anyone knew about Japan in the pokemon world...

    Also, the way everyone seems to not want any of their pokemon when they put them into daycare just seems..odd and out of place. I'm sure many trainers would use daycare the 'right' way rather that just dumping\scaring so many pokemon and never coming back.

    All and all I guess I am a happy go lucky person who just doesn't understand the feel of this fic...
     
    1) Yeah, I've never been quite pleased with the argument myself. I always figured that it was assumed that Luke was searched for in the five-year span you're given though, by his mother at least.

    2) Well, yes, you're absolutley right. 15's way too young to be doing that, and because of it Luke's not exactly in the best of emotional shape. This'll come into shape in the future.

    3) Hee! You're the second person to suggest that. The reason why treecko absorbed the anime in such a fashion was a combination of the fact that at the time it was young and absorbent, as well as the fact that pokemon are born fighting machines. When a being whose life's purpose is to fight and is learning new things watches something that shows excessive battle using a constant sword style- it almost became a training video. The fact that it had to stay up without rest or food for over 12 hours to watch the marathon is what qualified it for 'mental abuse'

    I'd have explained all of that out, but that particular part was getting wordy enough so I had to move on.

    4) Well, not everyone. Luke's had this day-care for three YEARS, and yet he's only got two pokemon for himself that he isn't watching over for someone else. It's implied that he's cared for many pokemon over those three years. Besides, the trainer depicted in chapter is a bit of a special trainer. I mean, come on... LONG , RED HAIR? HATES THE WEAK? Haven't you ever played pokemon gold or silver?

    5) Well, I'm a happy-go-lucky guy myself. This is my first attempt at a dark fic. I've gotten mostly good reviews though, so I think it's going well.

    I hope my responses helped a bit....
     
    Yeah...I guess I always look more carefully at fics that have the main characters parents break up, since I come from a divoriced family but my ma and daddy stayed friends :P.

    My own fics may have dark elements, but I have never gone out of my way to write a dark fic, as many I'd read have sounded just plain over drama filled with mindless gore and cussing rather than real story.
     
    Oh NO, pleased on't think I'm doing that. My last work was literally made up almost entirely of goody-goody-gum-drops-YAY! The main focus of thr story is the characters and their interactions... as the story continues many things will change.

    If you bother to keep reading, of course. Don't feel like you have to.

    I'm posting chapter 2 on Monday, and then we'll be caught up here in time for chapter 3 on Friday. Yippee.
     
    Intresting fic so far Banov. I wonder how this will go.

    There were a few mistakes though:

    He remembered the shock his family felt when his dad left to be a part of team rocket….

    Bolded part suppose to be "Team Rocket" becuase it's an organization and organizations usually has capital letters.

    Luke, whose profession didn't bring him much money, was too poor to buy a home in azalea town, so he settled for right next to it.

    Probably that's a typo, but it's suppose to be "Azalea Town".

    After leaving his home, he circled around to the back where he built a shed himself, a shed only a little smaller than his house.

    Okay, this sentnece sounds a little weird, probably becuase of how "shed" was repeated in one sentence. Maybe it could go like this: "...he built a shed himself, which is only a little smaller than his house".
    The boy had terrifying eyes, which seemed to be overflowing with…. Something.
    Lowercase the "s" in "Something" because I believed you are putting that into one sentence, and using the "..." to make a dramatic effect. That capital letter "s" made it as if it is a new sentence.

    Keep up the good work and good luck on the next chapter!
     
    Oops, silly me with this grammar mistakes. Thanks for reading, and I hope you all enjoy chapter two!

    Chapter 2
    ---------------------------------------
    Once the red-haired boy disappeared over the horizon, Luke gave the magikarp a tight hug.

    "Shhhhh… don't be upset… I'll take care of you now."

    He felt the fish trembling in his arms as it began to weep. It was abandoned in the most cruel of forms, hated by the one person who it wanted to be strong for. It was a depressing thing, but Luke had seen it before.

    "Miltank, take this guy and get him some milk. Let's help him feel right at home!"

    Everyone was silent for the remainder of the day. Even treecko was surprisingly friendly to the newcomer, trying hard to be near it and comfort it. Miltank milked herself dry, giving her best milk to the red fish in hopes of cheering it up. That night as they all went back to bed, Luke was happy to see the magikarp smiling as it laid down beside treecko in its hay bed.

    As Luke went to sleep that night, he kept hearing the words of that kid in his head over and over…

    "You're training your pokemon to be weak, you're letting them get too close. I learned that getting close to a pokemon is painful- the hard way. I hope that you change your ways soon."

    He despised what the red-haired boy said to him, yet what he told him about his weak pokemon seemed to make perfect sense. Luke couldn't help but feel that unless he made his pokemon stronger, he'd regret it….

    Luke opened his pokemon's shed that morning to see all of them getting along great. Miltank and Kenshin's efforts had appeared to have helped the magikarp, as it was grinning and laughing with them when Luke stepped in.

    "Alright guys, good morning! Glad to see you all happy. Now, who wants breakf- oh."

    In that instant, Luke realized that he was officially broke. He used up all his remaining money on dinner last night, leaving him nothing to buy food with today. His pokemon, however, stepped forward, eager for a hearty breakfast.

    "Umm, I don't know how to tell you guys, but, uh… I'm kinda broke right now."

    Suddenly all three of his pokemon looked utterly depressed. They all looked so hungry, Luke really wanted to feed them, but… well, he couldn't. He certainly couldn't steal food, as miltank would slaughter him. And he couldn't go and catch some fish pokemon for food, since… well, he didn't want to traumatize magikarp. Berries weren't going to be good substance for his pokemon, either, but… they had to do for then.

    So, with that in mind they all set off on a berry picking search. They were able to find enough to feed all three pokemon, although Luke had to go hungry since humans couldn't eat most of the berries pokemon could.

    "Don't worry about me, guys…" he said. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes showed a lot of concern for what would happen to him now. He felt his stomach lurch and growl as it craved for some food, but the call went unanswered save for some milk he had in bottles from miltank, which he kept at home. So much miltank's milk throughout his life had actually given Luke a great height; he was tall for fifteen, although his cautious personality didn't fit this large exterior.

    Just as he was about to set off for his house, he heard a chipper call from behind; a very nasal-sounding squeal which startled him. He turned around to see a small blue pokemon, which had a small, armless body with an oversized head and small gray protrusions on the sides of its head; a pokemon called wooper!

    "Huh… a wild pokemon. But it isn't attacking?"

    Suddenly he felt a certain bloodlust- one he knew too well. He turned and saw Kenshin, trembling as he stared at that little blue creature, the insuppressible urge to attack it mindlessly surfacing on the green lizard's face.

    "K-Kenshin… no… we don't attack other pokemon, Kenshin!"

    But it was too late. With a sharp howl it had drawn its blade and rushed through the distance separating the two within a second, whaling on the small blue pokemon with everything it had. The small blue pokemon flailed helplessly as the green lizard circled around it, cutting it up from all directions. It had a completely frenzied look in its eyes and it was grinning, baring its pearly white sharp teeth as it whirled around the little wooper.

    "Kenshin, STOP!"

    It gave another howl, leaping into the air again and slicing into Luke's arm with its sword.

    The pain was unbelievable.

    With a loud yell Luke fell to the ground, clutching his arm which was now seeping blood. He gave a bewildered and confused look at his attacker who came to his senses and began screaming and beating itself with its blade.

    "St-stop hurting yourself, Kenshin!"

    The lizard dropped its blade, falling to the ground and closing its eyes. It looked very upset with itself, as once again it had failed its master and had attacked a helpless pokemon. Before it would get angry at Luke, but now it saw it had gone too far.

    "Miltank… give the poor wooper some milk, and then Kenshin…"

    The miltank, who up until now had been watching in motionless shock, stirred itself and bumbled over to the wooper, painfully moaning on the ground. After a couple mouthfuls of milk, however, it looked happy again, although its wounds didn't look too good. The milk it gave to Kenshin, however, seemed to leave no effect at all; the green lizard sat in place in total silence, its wounds giving off blood although it didn't seem to care.

    They set off for home, taking the wooper with them to heal it and care for it. Kenshin refused to move at all, so miltank had to carry it home.

    They got home in the early afternoon. Luke was able to bandage his arm, and with some more miltank milk wooper's wounds healed. Kenshin, on the other hand, refused to drink any more. It sat in a corner of the house, looking down at the ground solemnly. Luke felt an immeasurable level of guilt, but everything he said to comfort Kenshin didn't seem to reach the green pokemon.

    After some time, Luke opened the door to his house and motioned for the wooper to leave and go back to the wild.

    "Bye-bye, wooper. Thanks for stopping by, and I'm so sorry for getting you hurt."

    He heard a sigh from the corner of the room.

    However the blue pokemon looked outside and frowned, shaking its head.

    "Huh? Wooper, it's time to go."

    It closed its eyes and shook its head, then rubbed against Luke's leg.

    "Wooper, you can't stay here! I'm nearly broke, I'll have no way to support you let alone my own pokemon!"

    Saying that reminded him of how hungry he was, and he frowned and clutched his stomach as it begged and pleaded for food.

    The wooper sat down right where it was standing. Looking up and frowning. There was nothing Luke could say to sway it into leaving.

    Luke gave a terribly sad sigh as he slumped into the ground and shut the door. Yet another pokemon had the misfortune of being in his care, as he now felt painfully aware of his own ineptitude to raise pokemon properly.

    And the entire house was cast in silence. Kenshin crossed its arms, staring mindlessly at the ground as if it were waiting for it to do something. Miltank, with a frown watched Luke who sat silently on the ground, deep in thought on how he could make more money. Magikarp, without the chipper atmosphere it had been caught up in now remembered its own pain of being abandoned only yesterday, and lost all of its happy energy. And wooper felt overwhelmed by the sadness of the entire room, killing even its own cheerful mood.

    However the silence lasted for only a moment as a knock came on the door. With a new energy Luke leapt up, eager to raise more pokemon to get money. He opened the door to reveal a young boy, looking to be about ten years old. He had black hair which came out from his white and red cap, as well as a red and white jacket and white shorts. He was wearing his cap backwards, and carried a look on his face that really gave you the idea that he was quite a competent trainer.

    "Hey there!" He said, "I'm on a journey to be the pokemon league champion. I've been battling all sorts of people, and I heard a pokemon trainer lived here. Is that you?"

    "Yes, why?"

    "Well, I'd like to battle you, please! Come out with a couple pokemon and let's fight!"

    "Um, I'm sorry, I don't battle pokemon. I just… look over them."

    "Oh, you're watching your friend's pokemon?"

    "Uh, no, I run a day-care center, but at the moment all of my pokemon inside-" he gestures toward the curious crowd of pokemon trying to get a good look at the visitor, "-are owned by me."

    "You… own pokemon… but you don't battle them?"

    "Well, uh, yes."

    "Why not?"

    "Well, I… I don't want them to get hurt. And, I want to be friends with them. If they get hurt and I make them battle I'm afraid they won't like me anymore. Plus… to be a strong trainer, you have to give up friendship with your pokemon and order them around like tools. I could never do that."

    At this point, the boy had let himself in and sat down in one of the free chairs in Luke's house.

    "Huh? You've got it all wrong, dude. Raising strong pokemon doesn't require cruelty- it requires kindness!"

    "It… it does?"

    Luke sat down in a chair close to the kid, watching him intently.

    "Well, yeah. And it's in pokemon's natures to battle. Your pokemon'd be happier if they battled; and if they got hurt, they'd be happy because they got hurt for you. Nothing makes pokemon happier than to see their trainer happy. And by the looks of some of these guys-"

    The boy glanced around the room.

    "-You haven't been very happy lately. What's wrong?"

    "Well, it's just- I'm out of money and I can't support my pokemon anymore, and lately I've run into a really mean trainer who gave me a magikarp because it was too weak for him... I mean, it's really depressing. That guy told me to stop being close to my pokemon, because if I was too close to them I'd pay for it somehow. And now you're coming in here, and telling me that I should be close to them and battle with them to make them happy and strong. I-I just… I'm not sure who to believe, and the idea of battling them makes me uneasy…"

    "Listen, I can tell you that whoever that kid was, I'm the right one. Why, my cyndaquil and I, we're best buddies, but we've never lost. Can you say that out friendship has made us weaker?"

    "I, uh… I guess not."

    Luke winced a little at the thought of a cyndaquil. He didn't like them too much after he lost his with Griffe…

    "And look at your pokemon- a lot of them look really weak and poorly raised because they've never fought. Pokemon that don't battle don't grow properly, you know? It's unhealthy. And the thrill of battling is just the thing that'll make some of them happy, I'm sure of it."

    "Well… fine, I suppose. Maybe it's time I took them out and battled them once in a while. But, still… I shouldn't battle anyway, since… I need to spend time making money to support them…"

    "Ha ha ha! Listen, man. Winning battles gets you lots of money! You'll never have to worry about money problems again!"

    "Wow, that's- really?"

    "Yup! I can attest to how rich battling makes you!"

    With that, the boy stood up.

    "Well, it's been great to meet you. My name's Ken, don't forget it. I have to go now and find a more worthy opponent. Who knows, maybe someday you'll find me… and beat me!"

    Luke gave a slight grin.

    "Well… I wouldn't go that far. I'm sure I won't be so great, after all. I don't want to push my pokemon too far, so I'll keep it at a minimum… only for when I need money."

    Luke was impressed with what he just heard, but he was still uneasy about battling. He shouldn't try so hard, he thought to himself, and just keep it slow and easy.

    "Well…do what makes you and your pokemon happy, I guess." Ken said.

    And so Ken walked off into the distance, and Luke closed his door with a bit of a smile. His own happiness gave a glimmer of hope to all of his pokemon, lightening up the room a bit.

    Maybe he was wrong about battling.

    Soon after this revelation, his stomach began rumbling again. It seemed ready to take his other organs hostage if it didn't get food soon.

    "Guys, get up! We're going to try battling today!"
    ------------------------------------
    End Chapter 2

    And now we're all caught up. On Friday I'm putting up chapter 3 everyhwere... don't miss it! :)
     
    Last edited:
    Bay said:
    Okay, this sentnece sounds a little weird, probably becuase of how "shed" was repeated in one sentence. Maybe it could go like this: "...he built a shed himself, which is only a little smaller than his house".

    "...he built a shed himself, which (was) only a little smaller than his house(.")
     
    Meh, I already changed it, no need to bother about that. I'd appreciate if you gave my story a read and a review, however ^_^
     
    Aw dang, a reviewer did a mistake! Thanks ProtrainerEon, and sorry Banov for giving you a mistake. At least I tried.

    Okay, the review. Liking it so far. So Luke will battle to try to get some money to support his Pokemon huh? Can't wait to see how Luke will fare in battling.

    I found a couple of mistakes:

    "Well… I wouldn't go that far. I'm sure I won't b so great, after all. I don't want to push my pokemon too far, so I'll keep it at a minimum… only for when I need money."

    Luke was impressed with what he just heard, but he was still uneasy about battling. He shouldn't try so hard, he thought to himself, and just keep it slow and easy.

    "Well…do what makes you and your pokemon happiest, I guess." Ken said.

    The first bolded part should be "be". Maybe that "b" is a typo. The second bolded part should be "happy". Use "happiest" if you are going to put a sentence like "Luke is the happiest person in the world".

    I will look out for the next chapter!
     
    ....Hmmm, honestly, I don't totally agree with your happy/happiest correction, but I'll go with it to make you happy. Thanks for catching my typo, though. I tend to type faster than I'm supposed to, so I make lots of typos....
     
    Here 'tis, chapter 3

    Chapter 3
    ----------------------------------
    The idea of being allowed to battle brought new life to many of Luke's pokemon- especially Kenshin. As they walked down the route they lived, Kenshin jumped up and down in place and would run around, with a grin. Luke was happy to see him so excited, but he wasn't sure if what made it so; because of the workout or because it wanted the chance to hurt other pokemon? The thought of the second possibility scared Luke, but seeing his Treecko happy for the first time gave him confidence to go through with this.

    Eventually, Luke came upon a young girl with long black which went halfway down to her waist, looking to be about 15. She wore a mostly green uniform, with a round green hat resting crookedly on her head. She seemed bored, with her eyes staring in an uninterested way at nothing in particular, but at her waist Luke saw a collection of pokeballs- a trainer! Just what he wanted.

    "Hi!" He said, nearing the girl and startling her. "Um, I was wondering… would you like to, uh… um…."

    Kenshin kicked him in the leg.

    "Battle?!" Luke's voice jumped up considerably, making the girl jump.

    "Battle? Uhh… sure, okay. I was getting bored anyway. How many against how many?"

    "Huh?"

    "Will 2 on 2 be okay?"

    "Ummm, sure, whatever."

    "Cool. Uh… let's begin, then! Go, spearow!"

    With a wave of her arm and a toss of a pokeball, she released the small brown bird, accompanied by a bright flash and a loud squawk.

    "Well, Kenshin, this is the moment you've been waiting for, right? Give it a try!"

    Kenshin nodded and leaped in front of the bird, who looked at the lizard deeply with its reddish eyes.

    "Spearow, use peck!"

    The bird nodded, and with a flap of its wings raised itself into the air. A second flap accelerated it forward with a speed the startled Luke. Kenshin, however, turned back to look at Luke, watching him intently.

    Half a second passed as the spearow drew closer, and Luke began waving his arms.

    "Wh-what are you doing looking at me?! Do something!"

    The green lizard raised an eyebrow, and was immediately afterward stuck straight in the stomach. Unguarded, the blow did a lot more damage than it should have. Kenshin growled as the spearow flapped its wings and raised itself even higher, and it looked back at Luke with a rage in its eye.

    "Wh-why're you looking at me like that?! It isn't my fault you just stood there and let it hit you!"

    The girl gave a laugh. "Have you ever even battled before?! You're pretty old to start. You're supposed to COMMAND your pokemon on what to do in a fight!"

    "Command them?"

    "Uh, yeah genius!"

    "But that can't be right… to command pokemon and have them obey you would make them a slave to your will. How can pokemon like that? There's no way they'd want to be friends being ordered around like that…"

    "How should I know! If you don't tell them what to do, they're just gonna stand there and get hit. Now I don't mean to be rude but do yah think they'd be happier standing there and getting the snot beat out of them over being told what to do to save themselves?"

    "I… I guess not, but… either way, it seems like they'd be unhappy... and Ken said that-"

    "You know, whatever kid. More money and victories for me. Spearow, another peck!"

    With a nod, the bird craned its beak down and shot towards the reptile's head, gravity boosting its speed. Once again Kenshin looked back at Luke, awaiting a command.

    However, Luke stood still, unsure of what to do. He frowned. Kenshin bared its teeth and began growling. Luke looked back at it with shining eyes and a small frown. In that moment, time felt like it was slowing down….

    Kenshin's teeth disappeared under its lips. It turned away from Luke, now unsure of what to do. Through Luke's eyes it saw how uncomfortable he was with commanding it. It closed its eyes, and decided that as his pokemon it should do what makes him happy. Sure, getting commands would help, but when had that stopped it before? Time's flow seemed to return in that instant as the pokemon's eyes burst open.

    With a sharp yell it leaped up, creating its favorite grass blade from its wrist and grabbing onto it, bringing it forward just in time to meet Spearow's beak. The stiffened blade of grass was tough, especially with the reptile's firm arm behind it, and so it repelled the attack.

    "Huh?" The girl was appalled. "It did an awesome move like that… without a command?"

    Spearow flapped its wings and tried to push itself back from the lizard, but as it pushed back the lizard whirled around with its blade extended and managed to land a good slash across the bird's body.

    Both pokemon landed simultaneously. The reptile on its feet- the bird on its back. Luke blinked. He felt mixed emotions… on one side, his treecko was very strong. On the other… he couldn't stand to look in the pained eyes of its opponent as they blinked open.

    "S-spearow! Can you fight?"

    The bird pokemon gave a weak nod and flap of its wings, landing on its skinny legs uneasily. It looked pained.

    "Rrgh! I'm not gonna lose to some beginner! Spearow, use fury attack!"

    A flame re-awakened in spearow's eye as it thrusted forward. Luke could barely watch as it got closer and closer to the green lizard. With a loud, prolonged squawk it jabbed its head furiously at the lizard, delivering several hits in an instant.

    Or, tried to deliver. To everyone's surprise, the green lizard was not harmed.

    In the last moment, Kenshin had raised his sword and allowed the blade to receive the first impact. In a twisting motion it spun around on one foot using the centripetal force as it leaned to the side, allowing the bird to pass right by it. By the time it spun a full 180 degrees, the bird was directly behind where it had just been facing; but now it was facing the bird's back.

    In the continued spin, it held out its blade and just as the bird zoomed out of reach the lizard was able to deliver a clean slash right across its back, sending the bird flying forward, eventually losing its momentum and skidding across the ground. The lizard, however, was not really prepared to handle the attack itself, and fell over along with the bird. Still, Luke was impressed. Three years of attacking wild pokemon had gone a long way in training its battle instincts.

    Spearow, however, was able to raise itself. Because the blow was received while it was flying away from the blade, the wound wasn't very deep. A normal attack would have done decent damage, however- it seemed Kenshin still had a lot to improve on.

    Before the treecko could stand back up, the spearow had taken its chance and dove forward again, this time successfully landing several blows and blowing the lizard back while it was off-guard.

    Although he didn't command his pokemon, Luke still was still watching the battle intently, watching Kenshin's moves and noting their weaknesses. Thus, he forwned when Kenshin leaped into the air, raising his sword and yelling.

    After all, taking the battle back into the air was a mistake that only someone inexperienced in battling aerial pokemon would make. With a swift motion spearow snapped forward, its peak intercepting the lizard's leap and knocking it back to the ground.

    The grass pokemon raised itself weakly, but it was unprepared for the spearow's dive right into it which came without warning. With a last gasp its stomach became intimate with spearow's beak in a painful rush. Kenshin's eyes faded shut and his head lolled, the pokemon having lost consciousness.

    The girl blinked. Luke blinked.

    "Umm… what now?"

    "Now's when you recall it to its pokeball."

    "It's pokeball? Ummm… oops, I think I left it at home. I never really use it."

    "What?!"

    "Um, I never use it. Eheh, I just felt like it'd be unhappy if I were stuck inside that little ball all the time."

    "What don't you do to make your pokemon happy?! Sheesh…"

    "Miltank, can you get him, maybe? Give him some milk, please, if you can."

    With a nod the cow pokemon trotted into the battlefield and lifted up the lizard, carrying it away.

    "Alright, alright. Now, can you send out your next pokemon? I'm getting rather bored."

    Luke frowned, and looked behind himself to see what he could use. Treecko was out… miltank was busy tending to it. That left just magikarp and wooper. Left with a choice like this, Luke was unsure of what to do. Before now he thought Kenshin was really strong, and he was certainly stronger than any of Luke's other pokemon. But now he lost… not much was certain at this point for Luke.

    Well, his wooper looked much less helpless than magikarp, so that was his choice. He felt guilt as magikarp seemed to sag, but he'd feel guiltier sending it out to fight that spearow.

    Wooper cheerfully hopped out to battle, even after watching Kenshin's loss. Nothing seemed to dampen the pokemon's spirit…

    Entering battle, it was already aware of Luke's wish not to command his pokemon. However, he still surprised everyone when it almost immediately began gushing a stream of water out from its mouth, which struck the bird pokemon precisely and drove it back.

    "Whoah… what a neat move….." Luke thought to himself. Maybe wooper could win this after all?

    "It's gonna take more than that! Spearow, use peck!"

    The bird pokemon rushed forward, smashing its beak into the wooper's small blue body. Wooper let out a pained squeal, but after a moment of discomfort regained that goofy smile on its face. Spearow seemed irked by its imperviousness.

    It then fired another stream of water, this one at the ground. It thoroughly soaked the dirt beneath it, then kicked it up with its tail; the mud splattered on the bird with little effect, although it seemed to sort of blind the pokemon.

    "Oh come on, this is pathetic. Spearow, shake off that muck then use fury attack!"

    The spearow shook its feathers furiously, the mud flinging off in all directions, then sped forward and began ramming wooper with its beak faster than Luke could keep track. Wooper was sent flying back, landing on its back and sliding across the grass. However, it stood up again, grinning.

    Luke blinked. Did this thing really feel no pain?

    With a growl the spearow braced forward again, ramming its beak into wooper's stomach, then whipping its head back so that the beak threw the small blue pokemon up into the air. From there, the bird pokemon raised itself with its wings, chasing after the stupidly grinning prey.

    "Spearow, attack at will!"

    The bird grinned ferociously, zooming around and jabbing its beak into wooper. It made certain to keep it in the air, the little blue pokemon bouncing up and down in a circle of pain. When the bird finally stopped, wooper crashed into the ground, and its eyes slowly closed, although its mouth was still grinning.

    "Argh! So, now I choose another pokemon?"

    "Ummm, no. You lost. It was 2-on-2, genius."

    She loved saying that to people being stupid…

    Luke's eyes widened. His mouth frowned.

    "Alright, pay up. Half your trainer dollars."

    "My what?"

    "Oh right, you've never battled, of course you have none." The girl sighed. "What a waste of time…"

    "Can you at least give me some battling tips?"

    The girl bared her teeth. Before she was happy for her easy victory, but the lack of a prize sure had her a bit upset.

    "How about next time you try commanding your pokemon?!"

    And she stomped off, her spearow following her. Luke looked around at his pokemon. To him, the loss only meant he had to train some more. To his pokemon, that meant that they got themselves wounded for nothing. With a sigh, he sat down beside his pokemon, and in sad tone said "I'm…sorry, you guys."

    The glare from his treecko and the depressed frown from magikarp and miltank were no comfort to him, but wooper, still wounded, fought its way back onto its feet and wobbled toward Luke and then fell into his lap, grinning up at him.

    Luke smiled for the first time in a while.

    "Thank you, Woop."

    ----------------------------------
    End Chapter 3

    Oo, and in the future I may attempt two updates in a week, depending on far ahead I am. Whether there's one or two updates, Tuesday and Friday are the days to check for if one is up.
     
    Last edited:
    Liked this chapter so far. Yeah, Luke better learned how to command his Pokemon or else he won't learned how to battle properly. Oh, and I liked the ***per in this story. That Pokemon is really full of spirits there!

    I did find one mistake.

    The green lizard raised an eyebrow, and was immediately afterward stuck straight in the stomach. Unguarded, the blow did a lot more damage than it should have. Kenshin growled as the spearow flapped its wings and raised itself even higher, and it looked back at Banov with a rage in its eye.

    Looks liked you accidently put your username instead of "Luke"!
     
    Oops, how embarrasing. It goes back to my roots hwere I once did a self-placement story as my first fanfic, and now the name seems to lurk sometimes in my mind....
     
    I bet I'm really irritating you now Bay, but it could be either happy or happiest. I'm a grammar freak, lol. I'll get annoying soon, sorry!
     
    Eon, are you actually reading my story, or are you just here to pick on Bay's grammar mistakes? :p
     
    Well, now that I think about it, I guess "happiest" is all right Banov. I am just used to seeing "happiest" used as an adjective.

    Sorry about my grammar ProtrainerEon. Yeah, my grammar skills is not that perfect. Still, at least I am trying to help Banov anyway I can.
     
    It's cool Bay, I appreciate the fact that you enjoy my writing. Hopefully I can get some other readers before my story gets too long to catch up on....
     
    IMHO, A story can never be too long to read, unless you get to "In Search of Lost Time" by Marcel Proust length, approximately 3,000,000 words, or over 4,300 pages, and the longest work of fiction to date :P
     
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