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The Jacob Stone Chronicles: The Begining

Deathspector

I'm so hardcore, I'm "X"-rated
  • 345
    Posts
    18
    Years
    The Jacob Stone Chronicles: The Begining​

    I have been planning on writing a fanfiction like this for ages now. Although, at the begingin, it may seem like an ordinary OT fanfiction, as the story progresses, it will become darker, yet will still obtain the same consistancy that an OT fanfiction has. You are probably wondernig how an OT, and a Dark fanfiction can be put into one story, but that is why I am writting it: to prove that these two genders can the mixed together.

    Please forgive me, if my writting does not seem attractive at first, but trust me, it will get better. I would like it if you could leave some feedback after you read each post, because I really want to know how I write. This is my first major fanfiction on PC, so bear with me.

    DS
     
    Chapter One



    Jacob Stone could not believe it.

    As he stared up at the ceiling of his room, his mind was a buzz of activity, unable to comprehend what today was. Throwing off his covers, he slowly raised himself into a sitting position, and stared at the room around him. The whole world was a blur, until he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and stifled a big yawn. Stretching his arms up in the sky, he reached out for his bath robe, and covered himself with it. He didn't want to go to breakfast in his boxers, after all.

    He still couldn't believe it.

    His sister, his very own sister whom he had seen ever since he was born, was turning sixteen. Sara hadn't seemed the type who'd become an uncontrollable sixteen-year-old, partly because she already acted like a twenty-year-old. Her life-long ambition was a write books, to get them published, and to become famous. Unlike other girls her age, she did not want to spend her nights on the phone with her boyfriend, but rather spend the nights on the phone with her publishing agent.

    Running a hand through his silky hair, Jacob slipped his feet into the bedroom slippers, and stood up, nearly falling back down onto the bed. He dragged his feet across the carpeted floor, and reached the door. His hand was reaching for the door handle, when suddenly the door swung open by itself revealing a tall girl.

    Jacob blinked.

    "Morning, Jake," greeted the girl, punching him on the arm. "Rise and shine, the sun's been up for a long time, you know. Mom and Dad are downstairs with breakfast. Grandma and Grandpa are out on their morning walk."

    Taking a closer look at the girl, Jacob realised that it was his sister. Her hair was very much the same texture as his, but far from being the dark-brown of his hair, Sara's hair was closer to red. She was already fully dressed in a pair of jeans, and a red top. Her hair was held back with a hair band. No one would be ready so early in the morning, except Sara. It was eight-thirty for God's Sake, and a weekend, too.

    "G'morning," mumbled Jacob, stretching out his hand. "Happy Birthday."

    Sara raised an eyebrow, and shook her brother by the shoulders. "Thanks and all, but why are you holding your hand out, am I supposed to shake it, or something?"

    Jacob pulled his hand back to his body, and examined it with squinted eyes. He then slapped his head, and ran back to his wardrobe, flinging open the ebony doors. Not giving a hoot about anything around him, he literally dived into the mess of clothes and came out, holding a small, wrapped package.

    He walked back to his sister at the door. "I hope you enjoy it."

    Sara smiled warmly at Jacob, and gave him a tight hug, before turning her back on him, and beginning to walk down the hallway to the dining room. "Oh, I was supposed to tell you to hurry up!" she yelled over her shoulder, as she ripped open the package, "and thanks for the iPod."
     
    Um....what's an OT? o O;; Anyway, it's a good story!

    Description:You did really well on this part, except, the only thing the bugged me about it was your use of simple words like 'big'. Could've used something more imaginative, and placements of items like the wardrobe, the door, etc etc could've been described, but otherwise, 8/10

    Length:...er...yeah this one needs work. To be bluntly honest, it looks like the size of one of your IC posts in the roleplay section. < <;; To be un-bluntly honest, it should at least be a page longer in word, and it should at least take me more then 5 minutes to read it....but that's still kind of blunt huh? *shot* 5/10

    Jacob realised that it was his sister

    It's a z my friend. Realized.

    For a first fanfiction though, you get a 9/10! It's a lot better then some of the fanfiction's I've seen in other forums in which people praise where praise should not be given. < <;; *shot* But this one, though short, is really good. I'd say the only thing you have to work on is length. ^.^

    Long time no see Deathspector.

    >Rider<
     
    Thanks for the comments Bell. To answer your questions, and clear your doubts bear with me for a bit. First of all, an OT, is an Original Traier fanfiction, meaning, starting out on your journey, battling, and collecting badges. A heavily stereotyped form of Pokémon fanfiction. On the description. Recently, I have begun to write in a less detailed way. I believe, that by using extra large and complicated words, you tend to bore the reader a lot. While using smaller, and shorter words, you give them the same detail, while also not allowing them to pause, and ponder what the hell the word meant. But I will try to be a bit better. On the size. Well, to tell the truth, this post was a page on word, in size ten. But I know what you mean. However, I no longer take time in writting out five page chaters in word, like a used to on PE2K, but I keep a small book, that I write my notes in, and keep that on my lap, and think up the story at the computer. For that reason, they might be short, but allow me to twist my style slightly to help the reader. For example, your words on my description would have been no help, had I typed up the next five chapters, but because you said this, and because I am free to come up with new ideas, my next post will be more descriptive. Spelling realised with a 'z', is the American way of spelling it, but I have been brought up in a very British environment, and so my spellings differ from other people's (colour, mum...etc.)

    ~*~*~*

    Saturday morning breakfast was a pleasant affair for the Stone household. For starters, they did not have to have the normal rush, because Jacob and Sara didn't have school during the weekends. Also, the Daycare centre, run by his mother Suzie, and helped greatly by his grandmother Mariah, would only begin working hours at ten o'clock, when normaly, it opened at nine. The Gym, that his father, Brock, ran, also opened later, at ten-thirty, giving him a relaxed morning as well. His gradfather, Flint, didn't do any work, anyway, and Saturday morning was just another day for him.

    "Good morning Jacob," greeted his mother warmly as he entered the living room.

    The living room was not large, and fancy, contrasting to his father's fame. It was a relatively small room, packed with stuffy armchairs, and beanbags. The Stone family was a very relaxed family, and would not stand for this "straight backed chairs are better for your back" nonsense, thank you very much. Jacob's mother was standing near the entrance to the kitchen, where they ate all their meals except dinner. She was rather tall for a woman of her age (thirty-two, mind you), and was actually one and a half inches taller than her husband. Her hair was a vivid red colour, so bright that Jacob had to sheild his eyes, after having them closed the entire night. She was clad in a brown skirt, that reached her ankles, and a slightly frilly yellow top. Her green eyes shone as she looked at her son.

    "'Morning mum," Jacob replied, blinking as he unsheilded his eyes, "what's for breakfast?"

    "Come an see for yourself, dear."

    Jacob trudged through the maze of chairs and beanbags, entering the sparkling white kitchen, having to cover his eyes yet again. The kitchen was tiled with extremely white tiles, and was so clean, that one would think it had never been used yet, especially after seeing Jacob's room. At times, during the afternoon hours, when he was awake, Jacob would marvel at his mother's ability to keep a white kitchen so clean, but at other times, like now, when he woke up, he belived that his mother asked for white tiles for the sole purpose of torturing him.

    Walking with his hands over his eyes, he beat the familiar path to the centre table, where the breakfast would be sitting. Even with his eyes closed, Jacob knew that on his left, would was pass the sink, with the dishwasher just next to it, and a stack full of ceramic plates (again white). On his right would be the microwave, and the elecrtic and gas stove, also painted white. Then he would pass the old fashioned fire place, with the typical brass pot next to the dead lump of logs. He took extra care not to walk too fast, or he would have tread over their resident black cat, Shanks.

    When he finally reached the table, he felt around blindly for a free chair, and sat down, only then releasing his hand from his eye, and staring fixedly at the black table.

    "Stop being such an actor, and take your bacon, or else I'm finishing it for you," warned Sara.

    Jacob quickly snatched all of his share of the food, whcih consisted of bacon, scrambled eggs, toast with butter or marmelade, cooked tomatoes and steamed vegetables. Jacob grinned hungrily, having feasted on cornflaked the entire week previously because his mother had been absent for a while, and his father was too busy with the gym, leving his sister to cook (and she was atrocious, so they ended up with cornflakes), and began to shove the food down his mouth.
     
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    In a strange and hard to explain unless you read this fic way, the fic is unique. I like the character Jake. *YAY* Brock found a gal...took him long enough. Did Suzie marry him simply for his status? LOL. Keep up the short and sweet writing!

    Only criticism i can offer is the gas is spelt wrong. I know it seems petty but you did spell it gass and if im not mistaken it has only one 's' just thought you might like to know. Also i realise\realize (i don't know which is right, the one with the 's' looks better) I am not the best speller in the world and i also recognize that it was probably just a typo. Enough typing great story so far.

    1: It's "gas"

    2: It's "realize"

    3: Yeah, I agree with the 'different in a good way' and 'great story so far' comments.
     
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    Thanks for the kind remarks. I'm glad you like Jacob. Suzie liked Brock because she was the only good looking girl that he didn't freak out in front of, being a fellow breeder. The next part will be up later today, or tomorrow, depending on whether I am allowed to use the computer or not. I'm using my dad's palmtop, and it is kind of hard to type.

    DS
     
    I like this story as well. Really different to the other fanfics i have read and i mean that in a good way... but then again they have all been different lol. Only criticism i can offer is the gas is spelt wrong. I know it seems petty but you did spell it gass and if im not mistaken it has only one 's' just thought you might like to know. Also i realise\realize (i don't know which is right, the one with the 's' looks better) I am not the best speller in the world and i also recognize that it was probably just a typo. Enough typing great story so far.
     
    I have already explained why I spell realise with an 's', and not a 'z'. Please see the previous post to see what I have said. Thanks for the gas spelling, though. I was in a hurry, ad typed two 's's by accident. Also, I'm changing Shanks to a Meowth, as they live in the Pokémon world, after all.

    ~*~*~*

    Jacob hated dishwashing

    He was always the one,who ended up with the duty to dry the plates. True, they had a proper dishwasher, but Suzie believed in conserving water andelectricity, and would not stand for using iton a daily basis. Only when there was an extra big load of washing, like after a party, then she would use the diashwasher. Otherwise, she would not touch it.

    Jacob never found out why he was always left with the wiping of the dishes. He hated it, because it took the same time to wipe one plate, that it took to soap and rinse two. In the end, he would end up with a pile of dishes to wash, while the rest of the family went around with their business. Jacob scolwed, as he wiped yet another white plate, and kept it on the rack to his left. Mumbling and grumbling, he finished the last plate, and tossed the towel on top of Shanks, he immediately began to roll about, spitting and hissing at the towel like it was a mortal enemy.

    "Umm, Jake? Come in here, I have a favour to ask you!" called the voice of Jacob's father, Brock.

    Jacob entered the living room, to his his entire family (minus the grand parents), sitting on a chair, staring at a documentary on the television about the life of Pidgeys. People could really be jobless. Brock was seated on his favourite armchair near the electric fire, warming his hands. It was, after all, November, and exceedingly cold. Brock was at average height for a thrity-five-year-old man, reaching about five feet, and nine inches. His dark brown hair, much the same colour as Jacob's was rough, and thick, while Jacob's was silky and smooth. Brock's eyes were also a brown in colour. He wore a pair of grey coudroys, and an orange top. He had the badge of his gym, pinned to his tee-shirt, as was the requirment for all Gym Leaders.

    "Yes?"

    "Jake. Yesterday, this boy called Chester came up to me just as I was about to close the Gym, and asked my to battle him. I told him that he would have to come back today. He said that he would be waiting for me near Mount Moon for me. Could you go and get him?" asked Brock, while rubbing his hands together.

    "Oh. But Dad, you know how long it takes to go to Mount Moon. I'll only be back here by night. I don't want to waste a Saturday like that. Desides, my food –"

    Brock raised a hand, holding up a back pack, with food. Jacob noded reluctantly. Seeing his reluctance, his father continued.

    "I'm sure that he won't be at the base of Mount Moon, but on the pathway towards Mount Moon. You should be back by six o'clock this evening,"comforted Brock.

    Jacob sighed, taking the bag.

    "Can I take Shanks?" he asked.

    "Okay."

    Jacob slung the bag over his shoulder, mumbling darkly under his breath. He walked into the kitchen, clicking his fingers. Immediately, Shanks detangled himself from the kitchen towel, and walked to his heel. He was wel trained, obviously. Together, Shanks and Jacob walked out of the back door, into the extremely cold November morning.

    It was there, outside, breathingmisty breaths, that Jacob realised he was still in his bathrobe.
     
    ~*~*~*

    Fully clothed and ready, Jacob wandered through Pewter City, heading for the eastern exit. It was about nine forty five, and places that hadn't opened already, were opening now. Watching Pewter city wake up was a favourite pastime of Jacob's, when he was rudely awoken by his abnormal family.

    Jacob was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, that were faded around the knees. His mother had almost had a heart attack when he came home from the shop holding a pair of seemingly old and rugged jeans. She had then, almost had another heart attack when she saw the price tag, and Brock, who had accompanied Jacob on that particular shopping trip, had his head cut off that night. Over his jeans, was a red tee-shirt, with a white Niké swoosh in the centre of it. He wore, over his tee-shirt, a black hoodie, also with a Niké swoosh on it.

    Shanks was seated comfortably inside Jacob's back pack, with his head popping out, and oblivious to the raging winds, that indicated that winter was almost here, her cold fingers of ice barely tickling the stomach of Pewter city, but coming closer. That was a nice description. Shanks, purring contendedly closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

    Jacob had asked for Shanks, because, although he did not seem it, Shanks was a tough cookie when it came to battling, but after being raised as a pet, it was more inclined to doing things its own way, and not listening to the trainer, who was usually Jacob.

    Reaching the east gate, Jacob was stopped by a burly looking man, in a black Pewter Police uniform. He was cleanly shaven, head beard, and anything else. His arms were extremely thick, and powerful, as were his legs, although that was the last thing that Jacob would be looking at. Second last. Third last...

    "Are you a citizen or a tourist?" asked the guard roughly.

    Jacob sighed. "Citizen."

    "Your Identification?" demanded the guard, holding out his hand.

    Jacob fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his identification card, which had a pictutre of himself, and a couple of lines of information, like his date of birth, parentage, place of birth, and of course his name.

    "Stone eh? Sorry for stopping you. My job, you know," apologized the guard.

    "No problem," replied Jacob, slipping out of the eastern gate, and beyond, into the unknown regions of Mount Moon, where dangers unheard of were said to lay at rest...
     
    Chapter Two

    Rugged rocks, and wind beaten trees, closed off Jacob's pathway, so he had absolutely no idea what time it was, unless he looked at his watch, what the weather was, and whether it was still light, or dark. This pathway had been trudged on by so many feet, that it was distinctly noticeable, even amongst the gloom of the trees and rocks. Shanks was purring contendedly in Jacob's backpack, the constant rhythmical pumping almost lulling Jacob, himself to sleep.

    Lunch was eaten in complete silence, as there was no one to talk to while eating it. Shanks was still sleeping, mind you. Somehow, thought Jacob, his father even managed to make a normal salami sandwich into a gormet meal. He shook his head, downing the last bit of orange juice from his thermal flask, that oddly, kept his juice cold.

    "Mudkip, use Mud-Slap!"

    The cry srartled Jacob, as he silently berrated himself for almost falling asleep. He quickly shoved the remains of his lunch into his backpack, rudely waking Shanks up iun the process, and crept off in search of the sound. He had a vague idea what it was, because no one would yell that loudly, unless they were in a Pokémon battle.

    He peered between two trees, and saw where the sound had come from. It was, indeed, a Pokémon battle.

    There was a young boy, definitely younger than Jacob, who was thirteen. This boy seemed closer to ten, or eleven. He was dressed rather simply, in a pair of denim shorts, and a white tee-shirt. It was easy to see that he was the energetic sort of person, because his knees were scraped, and bandadges were all over his body. His hair was black in colour, and matted with dirt. Obviously, he had been on the road for a while.

    By his feet was a Mudkip. The little blue Pokémon was desperately shoving large amounts of dirt through the back of his legs, away from his master. At first, it seemed like he was digging a hole, but when jacob looked in the direction the mud was being flung towards, he saw what the Mudkip was really doing. He was using Mud-slap, on a male Nidoran. The Nidoran was now covered with mud, that was forcefully being hurled toards him. The anger in his little purple eyes were evident.

    Gowling, the Nidoran shook himself free of the dirt, and turned to face the Mudkip. Opening his mouth, Nidorn let fly a barrage of small poisonous white needles at Mudkip. The Mudkip's trainer was too slow in calling out a command, and the Mudkip was hit straight in the face with the needles. However, as the flow of the needles stemmed, Mudkip seemed perfectly alright, with not a single scratch on his face.

    "Ha, the stupid Nidoran, Mudkip is a part ground Pokémon, so poison attacks don't hurt him at all. Mudkip, use Water Gun!"

    Opening his mouth wide, the Mudkip released a jet of powerful water, that headed straght for Nidoran. Nidorn made to jump out of th way, but Mudkip was too fast, and Nidoran was hit by the Water Gun, and sent flying. Just as it hit the tree behind it, the boy reached for his poké-belt, and plucked an empty poké-ball, flinging this red and white orb at the Nidoran. Normally, the Nidoran would have been able to repel this with a quick shot of Poison sting, but it was weak, and unprepared, so the poké-ball hit the Nidoran, and sucked it inside. The ball hit the ground, and began to shake unrelentlessly, until finally, the capturing power of the poké-ball out-lasted the power of Nidoran, and he was captured.

    The boy did a little victory dance, picking up Nidoran, and hugging Mudkip. It was then that Jacob stepped out of the trees.

    "Hello, are you Chester?"
     
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    Chapter 2? Then...what were all the other chappus? xDD Anyway, sorry for not reviewing for awhile, I only just caught up with everything. x_x *shot*

    Anyway, I find it funny how many people are getting you on your 'realised' xDD *shot again* But I don't think this is a british way of spelling 'besides'? xD

    Desides, my food –"

    Let's try this again- It's a B my friend. xP

    Well, description worked out well in this chapter, somehow Shanks still ended up being a black 'meowth' in my mind -_- and though I skipped the short battle scene, I always do that, so I hope I didn't miss anything. Battle scenes IMO, are always the worst to write, and read. xP Anyway, great story, hope it doesn't die!
     
    Hey, this rocks so far! ^^; Or, should I say... BROCKS /giggles hysterically for exactly five minutes//

    Okay, I'm done! ^^;

    Hehe, aw, don't fret about the British spelling. I mean, it is the right way to do it :P //runs from angry Americans// Kidding again, they're actually both correct, as long as you don't mix'em ^^;

    I love Jacob's relationship with his sister, and I love the way he seems grumpy about everything ^^;

    I'm no expert, really, but it looks to me you're doing great so far ^^; But-um... isn't mudkip a water pokemon??? /cringes/ Just asking! :nervous:

    Seriously, hurry up with the next chapter! And-er, I don't mean that in a pressure kind of way, but in a "I'm curious to see what happens next" way ^^; Good luck!
     
    Ria said:
    I'm no expert, really, but it looks to me you're doing great so far ^^; But-um... isn't mudkip a water pokemon??? /cringes/ Just asking! :nervous:

    < <; Mudkip is a water pokemon, but is part ground pokemon. And, just a sidenote, certain parts of your chapters seem kind of rushed, so I have to contradict Ria and say, take your time, cause there ain't nobody here of great importance to have to crank out chapters every other week or so.
     
    Thanks for the comments. I'll keep that in mind, Bell. And no, Jacob has nothing to do with Jeremy Stone. Oh, and oddly enough, Shanks resembles a black Meowth in my mind too, although I am trying to portray him as a normal one...odd.

    ~*~*~*~

    "And if I am?"

    "I'll take that as a yes. I am Jake Stone, son of the Gym Leader in Pewter, Brock Stone. See, he told me that you wanted a battle with him, so he asked me to come and call you," explained Jacob.

    It was an odd habit of Jacob's, but when he explained things, he tended to keep his eyes closed, raise his eyebrows, and gesture a lot. He opened his eyes, to look at Chester's face to see if he had understood anything, but Chester was gone, walking back along the darkening pathway, towards Pewter City. Jacob found himself oddly annoyed with Chester.

    He could have taken me with him, at least.

    Sighing, Jacob beckoned to Shanks, and the two of them began the long journey back to Pewter. Shanks was now wide awake, as it was evening, and the sun was setting, the time that wild cats prowled. Shanks was up, in front of Jacob, walking with his tail high in the air, lashing back an forth every now and then. Grinning at Shanks' obvious disregard for whatever he was showing beneath his uplifted tail, Jake turned to leave.

    It was then, that he heard it.

    The soft moan of a weak and injured being. He had heard it often enough in the Daycare centre that his mother ran.

    And he hated the sound
     
    Next chappu, or the next chappu's preview? o O;; Otherwise, it looks pretty good. Can't critique if it's the next chappu, cause there's not much to take from it, and if it's the preview, then can't wait for it! xDD *shot for ignorance*
     
    It was a preview. Even I don't write such short chapters. But, it is all part of Chapter two, as all the previous posts were part of chapter One. Here is the next installment.

    ~*~*~*~

    "And if I am?"

    "I'll take that as a yes. I am Jake Stone, son of the Gym Leader in Pewter, Brock Stone. See, he told me that you wanted a battle with him, so he asked me to come and call you," explained Jacob.

    It was an odd habit of Jacob's, but when he explained things, he tended to keep his eyes closed, raise his eyebrows, and gesture a lot. He opened his eyes, to look at Chester's face to see if he had understood anything, but Chester was gone, walking back along the darkening pathway, towards Pewter City. Jacob found himself oddly annoyed with Chester.

    He could have taken me with him, at least.

    Sighing, Jacob beckoned to Shanks, and the two of them began the long journey back to Pewter. Shanks was now wide awake, as it was evening, and the sun was setting, the time that wild cats prowled. Shanks was up, in front of Jacob, walking with his tail high in the air, lashing back an forth every now and then. Grinning at Shanks' obvious disregard for whatever he was showing beneath his uplifted tail, Jake turned to leave.

    It was then, that he heard it.

    The soft moan of a weak and injured being. He had heard it often enough in the Daycare centre that his mother ran.

    And he hated the sound

    "Meowth?" asked Shanks, despite the fact that Jacob could understand none of what he was saying. But the message was clear. Let's go see what it is, shall we?

    Jacob siletly, but swiftly walked towards the sound, keeping as quiet as he could. If this was an injured person, then sudden and loud movements would only worsen the pain. He closed his eyes, using only his ears to guide him. This wasn't the smartest of things he could have done, for he tripped on a root, falling face flat on the muddy surface. Swearing he made to get up, but Shanks bounded across his back, and headed off in God knows what direction.

    Swearing, Jacob raised his head, and wiped the mud from his eyes. He slowly opened his eyelids, trying to see beyond the mask of mud that now cased his face. But what h saw was enough for him to scream so loudly that his parents would have heard him all the way back in Pewter.

    A bloody mass lay on the floor just a couple of feet away from him. It was twitching slightly, moaning uncontrollably. Jacob got up from his comfortable position in themud, and ran to the mass, looking for anything that would save it. He cursed himself for not bringing along a First Aid kit. He looked at the mass, trying to see what it was. It was a Cyndaquill, no doubt. Those cream-like holes on its back where the fire sprouted were unmistakeable. There was, afterall a mother Typhlosion and a baby Cyndaquill back at the day-care. Jacob did the only thing he could do.

    He grabbed the Cyndaquill around the waste, andpicked it up, slinging it over his shoulder. The blood trickled down his shirt, and onto his pants, but he ignored it. It was then that he noticed a small red and white sphere lying on the ground next to where the Cyndaquill had been. Jacob swore. It had belonged to a trainer, and a bastard at that, leaving his Cyndaquill out here to get hurt. Jacob's fingers formed a ball, and he punched the ground. Far from helping him calm down, it only made him hurt even more.

    With that, he turned his back towards Mount Moon, and ran...
     
    Mudkip, Ria, is a water type. Only when it evolves does Mudkip's Marshtomp form become a dual type. I wanted to post that but figured it would be pointless just to say that. Thanks for saying it for me! ^_^
     
    Ooh, gory. That was sudden, but now I see that uh...mixture of fic genres you were talking about.
     
    Oh, sorry about that. I always Believed Mudkip to be a dual type. Hols on, lemme get my Gameboy. Ooops, you're right. But, let's have him as a dual type, so that we can continue with the story, okay? Next installment will be up soon.

    DS
     
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