The Legendary Quest for Adventure!

[SilverBlaze09]

Figures that THIS would be the story I find easiest to write, huh? Yes, I have written this in between writing my FFBattle and other things. It doesn't look like much, but you're allowed to scream. Hasta la vista, kiddies!

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Dear Reader,

Welcome to your DOOOOMMM!

This is a world of pure terror, unfounded as it may be! And it isn?t, poor, innocent reader?

A series of bizarre events? Yes. A reign of pure psychoticness? Yes. Whirlwind assaults by pretty pink alligators? Yes. And one kid who has to save the world with his friends and stop evil in its tracks and still make it home for the holidays? Double yup.

Welcome to Kanto, region of Professor Oak, Ash Ketchum, and all those other Kantanonese things. Nowadays, though, it just sits in pain, for all the cool Gym Leaders have died, there?s a Professor Pine in control, and everything is screwy. I should reassure some of the more faint-hearted of you by saying that since a pine is not a broadleaf tree, Professor Pine is not a real Pok?mon Professor, but I won?t. I like watching you squirm. See? Everything in this world is screwed up.

Even the prophecy of Ash is screwy, ?cause it says:

He comes from Celadon High!

On a sugar high!

And clobbers them Pines

To the Fourth of July!

And EVERYBODY knows that heroes and heroines don?t come from Celadon, they come from Pallet! So, everybody just keeps doing their thing and forgetting that Ash WAS a Chosen One, so he?s obviously smarter than everybody else!

Yes, this is a world where a Chronicler (ME!) can let his fingers run wild. And maybe screw the reader into insensibility, paranoia, pure terror, and writhing as is my wont.

Where to begin? Oh, I already did, silly me! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now, on to the fun stuff!

This world is comprised of cartooning, mostly anim?. There?s an occasional Batman or something that comes through every now and then, but it?s mostly just anim?. Also, please be prepared for ANYTHING, as I may suddenly swerve off into time itself or space or a black hole, whichever is the least amount of effort. I may also ramble on for pages on things, but don?t let that become a block of judgement for my tale, because it?s really Fine Print Guy?s fault. HE?S the one who?s forced me into becoming a horrible, bitter person, so BACK OFF AND BLAME HIM PLEASE!!!!

Hmm, I suppose I hafta prevent lawsuits by doing this:

Rated PG for Comic Mischief and occasional Horrendous Peril. Besides, there?s an evil stalking the planet?

Disclaimer: I don?t own Pok?mon, how many times do you have ta be told that?! I own whatever I invent! What is that? I can?t be bothered with such pathetic questions right now, so ask me later.

Other: If you get offended by anything in this story, it?s your fault for being so thin-skinned. I am merely writing from the depths of my heart/imagination. Artistic license and all, you know. WAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, fine, I?ll clue you in on SOME stuff.

There are really bad people out to rule the world. They?re really powerful.

What? Isn?t that enough for you? Oh, fine, some more.

The legendary Pok?mon are out to stop them. Except for the ones that get captured and brainwashed by the bad guys, of course.

Everybody?s taking sides, and Ronny and friends are caught right in the middle of it! Will they survive? Find out, in "The Legendary Quest for Adventure: A Pok?mon Master?s Journey to redeem the Legacy of KJHOSO!", coming soon to a-oh, wait, it?s already here, silly me. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAACK! Boo.

HA! I?ve used almost my whole prologue up talking about nothing! You?ve been tricked! And now to make my getaway while FPG holds you off! WAHAHAHA!

Oh, yeah, I also hired a Narrator, just to annoy you. TTFN! Tata for now!

Sincerely,

T. Chronicler

The Chronicler is not responsible for loss of IQ, wisdom, memory, fingers, eyes, relatives, jaw, stomach or life and reserves the right to sue your face into the gutter for not reviewing immediately after reading this and before you died or suffered some fate that prevented you from reviewing. The Chronicler holds patents on all things on your planet, so shut up and maybe he won?t take away your toys. He also reserves the right to refuse to answer any question that you may ask. He may also ignore you, but that?s because the Wario-like ego within him is busy elsewhere. AND he?s slightly crazy.

I HEARD THAT!

The Chronicler reserves the right to kill, sue, torture, insult, report, inebriate, intoxicate, snuff out, entertain, completely and utterly wipe off the face of the Earth and/or compliment you and/or your family for any of the following:

Laughing, crying, giggling, weeping, snorting, smiling, enjoying, disliking, guzzling, ogling, boring, bleeding, dying, sickening, strengthening, weakening, loving, hating, smooching, kissing, licking, tickling, lying, and/or anything else you might possibly do and a few things you can?t.

He also reserves the right to completely change the plot in the middle of the story for no good reason, to make up some excuse for putting this up too fast, to review your story because you did it for him, to entertain you, to obliterate you, to gut you and feed you to the sharks, and/or just laugh in your face.

Sincerely,

Fine Print Guy

Fine Print Guy reserves the right to insult you, The Chronicler, and/or anybody else involved in this tale. Thank you and have a nice day.

Sincerely,

T. Narrator

The Narrator reserves the right to do/say/whatever anything he wants.

Sincerely,

SilverBlaze09

SilverBlaze09 is not responsible for anything his characters may say, do and/or think. We, the people, acknowledge this and the fact that we have no rights in this thread other than reviewing.

Sincerely,

T. Audience

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Next up: Chapter one: New Beginnings!!! Yes, that has SOME Pok?mon stuff in it.

Now to get my lazy rear into gear and write my FFBattle! XD

*writewritewrite*

?SilverBlaze09?

P.S. I suppose I hafta say this to prevent the smart alecks from saying anything. IT'S. A. PARODY. PERIOD.

 

[Rin-Rin]

Ha~ha! I have to hand it to you; you're a funny guy. That may have been a completely pointless prologue, but it made me laugh. Literally. I'm looking forward to some great work from this story ^.^

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Well, hello there! You are the newest victi-I mean, reader I have! And you're actually using proper grammar and stuff! I now be giving you the m00fin of reviewing. And, another chapter! XD


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?♣♦♠

Chapter I: NEW BEGINNINGS!!!

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Narrator: Welcome to-wait, I shouldn?t welcome you. In this place, you?re better off warned. Be warned! This is not a tale for the faint of heart/mind/eye/humor! We begin our tale in Pallet, where the evil Prof. Pine is busy doing evil stuff?

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"WAHAHAHA! I?M DOING EVIL STUFF!"

The cry shattered the morning tranquility of the poor, innocent townspeople. The cry emanated from a big building on a hill. The cry was made by a guy in a white lab coat with long black hair and lots of muscles. The cry came because he was doing evil stuff, and Dr. Pine LOVED doing evil stuff. The cry was prompted when he cloned a MEW three times in a row, creating MEWTWO, MEWTHREE and MEWFOUR.

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Narrator: You don?t need to capitalize their names.

What?

Narrator: That?s only for the video games, you twit!

Hey, don?t insult me! Or I?ll throw you into one of the evil bubbling vats!

Narrator: Fine. Just don?t do that again.

I?ll do what I want. A-HEM, as I was saying.

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"HeheheheheheheheheheheheHEH!"

"What was all the cackling for, Dr. Pine?"

The big Professor turned to his aid, who was also wearing a lab coat. The aide had a big tray loaded with fruit and raw meat.

"I LOVE DOING EVIL!" Boomed the good doctor as he messily devoured his breakfast.

"HEY! YOU CAPITALIZE DOCTOR OR I?LL CLONE YOU!"

Shut up.

Suddenly, Mewthree and Mewfour disappeared.

"AAAAIIIIEEEEE! WHERE?D MY BEAUTIFUL CLONES GOOOOOO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

You were naughty.

"OH. CAN I HAVE THEM BACK IF I?M GOOD?"

You?re never good.

"IF I?M EVIL?"

Oh, all right. But only when you?ve been evil for a long time.

"OKAY. AIDE! BRING ME THE EVIL COMMUNICATOR! I MUST CALL MY PARTNER IN EVIL AND-"

"Er, crime, sir. Partner in CRIME."

The good doctor turned and stared balefully at the aide, who dissolved into pudding. The other aides all cowered.

"PARTNER. IN. EVIL!"

"Yes sir, yes sir!" Squeaked all the pathetic aides as they bowed at his feet and licked his nice dress shoes clean.

"THAT?S BETTER. NOW, BRING ME MY EVIL COMMUNICATOR!"

One of the aides jumped up and ran to get the item in question, but was turned into pudding.

"CRAWL, YOU @%#$ VERMIN-OWWWWWEEEEE?!"

Pottymouth, pottymouth, Santa Claws isn?t gonna bring you any presents for that.

"AUGH! I?M SORRY, PLEASE DON?T TELL HIM! I?LL DO ANYTHING, BUT PLEASE DON?T TELL HIM ABOUT THIS! HE WON?T BRING ME THE EVIL NUKE-ER, PRESENT I REALLY WANT BUT CAN?T TALK ABOUT ?CAUSE IT?D SPOIL THE SURPRISE!"

Fine, but no more pottymouth, okay?

"OKAY!"

Good. Just for that, I?ll teleport your Evil Communicator right to you!

An evil-looking apparatus appeared in the good doctor?s hand.

"OH, THANKS!"

Don?t mention it. Or my fans will think I?ve got a soft spot.

"OK, GOTCHA!" He pressed a button on the EC and waited until a little red light turned green, then put it up to the side of his head like a telephone.

"HELLO? OPERATOR? YES, I?D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH OIGINNAV, EVIL LEADER OF TEAM EVIL, FORMERLY TEAM ROCKET, PLEASE."

He waited for a little bit, inventing another weapon for totally annihilating the world as he was waiting. Then, his face perked up at the growling voice that came on.

"Whaddaya want?"

"HELLO, EVIL PARTNER!"

"Oh, hiya, buddy! How?s business?"

"NOT BAD, THERE?RE PLENTY OF TORTURE OPPORTUNITIES IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM, AND MY AIDES ARE REALLY FUN TO DESTROY. LISTEN, IT?S ALMOST TIME FOR THE STORY TO BEGIN, SO I NEED YOU TO SEND SOME EVIL AGENTS TO CELADON CITY TO KEEP THE HERO FROM LEAVING THERE. ALRIGHT WITH YOU?"

"Sure thing, buddy. Just lemme press my little red button and there we go! Two whole squads are-WHAT!"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Pine asked anxiously.

"Something happened to my two best squads-oh, wait. Okay, SilverBlaze09 won?t let them go until AFTER the heroes have started their journey."

"OH, BUMMER." Pine?s face fell.

"He IS going to teleport them faster than we could to Celadon to intercept the heroes afterwards, though."

"REALLY! WAHOO!" Pine flung his coat into the air to reveal a nice business suit underneath. "WHAT SAY WE CELEBRATE?"

"Sure, bud. Just lemme change my clothes and abduct a coupla innocent girls and I?ll be on my way."

"WOOHOO!" Pine hung up his EC. "AIDES!" Said wretches crawled up to him whimpering. "I SHALL BE AWAY INSPECTING THE HOSPITALITY OF VIRIDIAN CITY. WHILE I?M GONE, I WANT YOU TO CLEAN UP THE PUDDING," he gestured at the lumps that had been aides, "AND FEED THE EVIL POK?MON BEFORE EIGHT O? CLOCK. THEN YOU MAY ALL TAKE A BREAK UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING!"

The poor creatures cheered like they were supposed to, then Pine swept out of the lab, thinking evilly about what evil deeds he and oiGinnav were going to do on the town.

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Narrator: Okay, now we come to the main characters-

No, we don?t.

Narrator: What?

We already introduced the main characters.

Narrator: No, please say that the two evil guys aren?t?

No, are you kidding?

Narrator: Phew, that?s a relief.

They?re only SOME of the main characters.

Narrator: You mean we have to look at that guy AGAIN?!

And his partner, oiGinnav.

Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOetc.

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As you might expect, we?re not going to Celadon City like you thought we were. Truth is, I made that rhyme and stuff up just to annoy you and to scare the bad guys that way. Although I really doubt they can fear, it?d be interesting to find out? Anyway, on with the tale.

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They were in trouble, no two ways about it.

A couple of Bodybuilders and some Hunters had surrounded the two boys and their sister and were threatening them with disembowelment if they didn?t hand over their pok?balls. Naturally, being the little goody-goodies they were, they didn?t want to do that.

Off-topic, but some of you may be wondering what I?D do in a situation like that. Well, I?d wait to see what happened next.

Suddenly, a very angry-looking old guy stormed onto the scene and yelled, "CUUUUUUTTTT!"

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Now, you may be asking yourselves, ?what was the purpose of that scene? Are the three kids our heroes? Are the Bodybuilders going to play a part in this? What?s the capital of Wisconsin??

First question: The purpose of that scene was to start you on the long, swift passage to insanity. And to make you want to read on to see if your theories were correct. And if you guessed that I?d say this, you?re stupid and I?m never speaking to you again. Oh, yeah, and I refuse to speak to you again. DO YOU HEAR ME? I REFUSE TO- If you don?t get the joke by now, then any more typing would be wasting my valuable energy.

Second question: No, but it?s funny to think so.

Third question: That?s classified on a need-to-know basis.

Fourth question: If you don?t know that, you?re pathetic and obviously weren?t paying attention in the class called ?Home States of the Greatest Authors of All Time?.

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Narrator: We now take you to Pyrite Town, home of the nastiest people on the planet. Yes, our heroes are from Pyrite. Gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling to know that the heroes aren?t going to be sappy, huh? Well, too bad for you. I hope they rot forever. I hope Evil wins this round, because all the bad guys except for the leaders are cool. I hate the good guys, did you know that? Anyway, on to Pyrite?

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"AUGH! IT BURNS!"

"Quit griping. Y?know, you don?t HAVE to insult any girl you come across."

"I?m just spreading the tru-OWOWOWOWOW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"When a little kid lies, it?s up to the big kids to fix him."

We zero in on three forms that resemble humans. A boy of about ten is being held down by an older girl, about fourteen, while a young man of about fifteen is daubing cotton across a cut on the kid?s forehead. The girl is holding a rather large mallet and clobbers the boy almost every time he opens his mouth.

"I?m not lying! Girls are evil aliens out to-OWWEEEE!"

This scream was prompted by the young man taking a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and dumping it on the cut.

Suddenly, the cut healed with a gross sound. The three kids looked at each other in annoyance.

"Looks like the great-and-mighty guy decided to just chop his scenes up, right, Ronny?" The girl rolled her eyes as she directed her question to the young man.

"Y?know, I?m really tired of that already." Ronny glowered at the air.

"Yeah, and I was just coming up with a really good name to call Sue-Ellen and-OW!" The boy fell to the ground holding his shin. Sue-Ellen sniffed and turned to leave.

"Hey, how come you haven?t told them MY name and yet you?ve told them the boogerbeing?s na-OW!"

The boy, whose name is Lonny, curled up into a ball when Sue-Ellen kicked him again.

"Thank? You?"

You?re welcome.

I suppose I might as well do my description stuff now and get it over with.

First up we have Lonny.

"Beware! Girls are-OW!"

He seems to be chronically unable to say anything without insulting girls one way or another. He is about five feet tall and about eighty-one pounds, has a shock of tawny hair that is a month overdue for a haircut, and is what some girls might call ?cute?.

"Eww, did you hafta tell them that? Now they?re gonna be all over me and get cooties-OW!"

For the duration of my tale, he will be wearing a cloth handkerchief rolled up and tied around his head to keep the hair out of his eyes, a black shirt with a green Tyrannosaurus Rex head on it, blue jeans that have been chopped off right in the middle of the shin and formerly white socks with sneakers covering them. His eyes are blue, and he?s obsessed with ninjas and comic books and stuff like that.

"Can?t touch me, I?m the girl-whooping-OW!"

"Listen, bucko, we?ve had quite enough of your idiocy, thank you very much!"

Next is Sue-Ellen, Lonny?s older sister.

"Only because we have the same parents."

She?s kinda sarcastic, probably from years of having to keep her brother in line.

"Hey, no way that slimewad keeps-OW!"

"Shut up, you! The man?s talking!"

Thank you.

She?s also known for her sudden assaults on any hot guy she meets whom she doesn?t know. Yeah, kinda like Brock.

"Ooh, he sounds sexy, do I know him?"

Despite that, she is actually quite smart, which makes Lonny mad occasionally.

"Whaddaya mean, ?occasionally?? He ALWAYS whines about that-"

"DO NOT, YOU BIG-OW!"

Aren?t they adorable?

Anyway, she?s actually very pretty, unlike so many other girls who star in stories.

"Yeah, you better believe it!"

"Knock it off, drip, he?s not-OW!"

Okay, guys, new rule: if I?m not introducing you, be quiet.

"Okay!"

"Fine. Dripwad?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Nothing! OW!"

The two siblings ran out of the dirty, disgusting warehouse they had been in, Lonny getting a rather severe beating from the incomparable mallet wielded by Sue-Ellen.

As I was saying, she?s quite pretty. Because guys aren?t allowed to talk about girls? bodies, let?s just say she?s well-formed and leave it at that.

She?s about five-six, weight unknown (I refuse to ask, it?s rather hard on guys to learn that, let?s just say she?s slender and leave it there), has shoulder-length blond hair, blue eyes like her brother, and, like I said, very pretty. Just like almost every other girl out there, but they?re too busy being shy and listening to their inferiority complexes to hear that.

Anyway, she?ll be wearing a form-fitting white top with the words ?Gurl Power>You? on it, loose blue jeans, and sneakers a tad more worn then her brother?s, with those strange tiny white socks that girls like wearing. She also wears a necklace made out of macaroni; a gift from one of her best friends who moved away.

"Y?know, despite her wild attitude, she?s really a nice girl."

And now we come to the hero of the story. You can judge for yourself whether or not he?s a nice guy, but I like him because he?s not as fricking annoying as other characters might be.

"Hey, a hero?s gotta draw the line SOMEWHERE, y?know."

His tagline/catchphrase/whatever you call it is, of course, ?y?know?.

"Y?know, that?s actually the first time I?ve noticed that."

Don?t worry, we all love it.

He?s exactly six feet zero, weighs in at one hundred sixty pounds and is one of the better-looking guys around, one of the many reasons he?s the hero. He?s the wisest of the trio, and enjoys playing video games, driving cars/hoverbikes/anything, and generally enjoying life as he can.

"?Cause after I?m a hero, I can?t have fun, y?know?"

Actually, you might be surprised. Anyway, he?s got inch-long red hair, green eyes, and is well proportioned. If you aren?t sure what that means, here?s another hint: he?s gotta high metabolism. Which, in layman?s terms, means that fat is in mortal danger in his body.

"Hey, a guy?s got what he was given, y?know."

He?ll be wearing a black jean jacket over a black T-shirt, with dark blue jeans and sneakers that look like they?re only a month old, with formerly white socks. Oh, I should also mention his obsession with fighting.

"Murdering and killing are things of the past, y?know. Nowadays, it?s beating the crap outta your opponent and leaving him alive so he can be beaten up later that?s the in thing to do, y?know?"

Yup.

Okay, I think this first chapter is almost wrapped up. Just gotta type a little more to make it seven pages even and there we go.

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Questions you may be asking yourself: why are the heroes coming out of Pyrite and not Celadon like you said before? When are Pine and oiGinnav coming back? How soon will you be done with this? How much pizza can you eat in one sitting? What was the purpose of all this?

Question one: I already told you and I hate repeating myself.

Question two: When I feel like it.

Question three: See question two.

Question four: Uh, four quarters of a medium-sized freezer pizza, three pieces of a Pizza Hut pizza if I?m trying to prove something, one piece if it?s a personal pizza, etc.

Question five: If you mean the questions, it?s merely a cynical way of wasting your time. If you mean this chapter, it was to do all the introducing, since the prologue is for maniacs. If you mean this story, it?s because I think it?s funny, I enjoy watching you squirm in pain (you didn?t know about the camera in the lightbulbs, did you?), I think it?s rather amusing to hold discussions with my characters, etc. Now quit wasting my valuable time with these ridiculous questions.

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Pine and oiGinnav were enjoying a rather delicious jynx stew and taking turns defiling the two innocent girls oiGinnav had kidnapped.

"?SO THEN BARNEY AND BUBBLES WERE THE ONLY ONES LEFT THAT THE BIG BAD WOLF HADN?T EATEN, AND THEY DECIDED TO TURN EVIL! SO THEY CAME TO OIGINNAV?"

"And I sent Barney to Doctor Pine and kept Bubbles here with me and we taught them how to be Evil."

"I?M KIND OF SAD THAT THE BIG BAD WOLF TURNED OUT TO BE STRONGER THAN THEM, YOU KNOW? IT WAS FUN TEACHING THEM, AND BARNEY WAS REALLY SWEET TO ME. HE SANG SONGS TO ME EVERY NIGHT WHEN I COULDN?T SLEEP, SONGS ABOUT EVIL, THAT SENT ME STRAIGHT TO SLUMBER LAND?"

The two girls looked horrified. "That-That?s DEFILING everything I?ve ever believed about those two innocent people!" One of the girls shrieked, causing other people to look over at their table.

What? You thought defiling meant-EW! YOU ARE VERY, VERY, VERY SICK-MINDED!

Seriously, what do you do, watch Hollywood stuff? That?s just-whoops! Out of time! And Page Length!

THE END! (next up: Chapter two: The REAL beginning!

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Two m00fins to whoever figures out who oiGinnav is! XD

*writewritewrite*

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[Rin-Rin]

Two m00fins to whoever figures out who oiGinnav is! XD

Giovanni. I win! M00fins for me xD

Ookay, I'm loving how random this is, but I also love how you give the narrator (or, I should say, yourself) a personallity. I can really see it as in anime form. Although, I have merely one suggestion: you act as if the reader knows everything about pokemon (and they most likely would). What I often do is act as if the reader has no idea what pokemon is. Instead of just saying 'the heroes live in Pyrite Town' explain what Pyrite Town looks like and such. I know a few people who've never played Pokemon Colleseum. You get what I mean, right :D

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Giovanni. I win! M00fins for me xD

And I thought that I'd made the code flawless... XD M00FINS FOR JOO! XD *gives m00fins*

Ookay, I'm loving how random this is, but I also love how you give the narrator (or, I should say, yourself) a personallity. I can really see it as in anime form.

Actually, it's not me. I'll explain all that next chapter. XD Or the one after. REALLY SOON! XD R4nd0m1v1+y pwnz! XD

Although, I have merely one suggestion: you act as if the reader knows everything about pokemon (and they most likely would). What I often do is act as if the reader has no idea what pokemon is. Instead of just saying 'the heroes live in Pyrite Town' explain what Pyrite Town looks like and such. I know a few people who've never played Pokemon Colleseum. You get what I mean, right

I, too, often do that. And I was going to dedicate one whole paragraph next chapter to it. However, since this is a parody, it's not going to have the same qualities as a normal fic might. XD
Next chapter up soon, as soon as I have thirty minutes to spare and I finish more of my FFBattle. XD

*writewritewrite*

?SilverBlaze09?

 

[SilverBlaze09]

Yup, I did more of my FFBattle! And I had thirty minutes to spare, sooo. XD

Without further ado, BOO!

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Narrator: This chapter had better have some Pok?mon in it. That last chapter didn?t have ANY!

Actually, it had five.

Narrator: What?

Mew, Mewtwo, Mewthree, Mewfour and a jynx.

Narrator: Where was the jynx?

Pine and oiGinnav ate her.

Narrator: I think it?s time to move on to the story?

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Chapter two: The REAL beginning!

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Narrator: Today our heroes are leaving their homes to do their normal thing, just like they do every day. But today is different?

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"I?ll say. It?s raining in Orre."

"Yeah, what the boog-o-tron said-OW!"

Ronny rolled his eyes. "Y?know, I get the feeling that this is gonna be one fun story."

The three heroes were busy playing with the rest of the town in the rain, enjoying the water and wetness. All three were having fun, although Lonny was continually getting hit by his sister or some other girl whenever he opened his mouth and Sue-Ellen had been plastered with mud by said brat and Ronny was getting assaulted by a bunch of girls who wanted him to take them out on dates.

Extra: Due to the fact that some of you probably have no idea where or what Pyrite Town is, I shall spend a whole paragraph describing it. It?s got a lot of dirty, grungy, one-story buildings scattered around. It has a hotel that charges you an obscene amount of money to heal your Pok?mon, a weird character at one end who?s always challenging you with his pathetic Pok?mon, and a Colisseum at the other end of town across a rickety bridge that spans a great expanse that goes on forever. Its only two-story building is always locked, because it leads to both The Under and a cave that has a guy with weird hairdos dancing at one end, and that stuff doesn?t come until later. It?s also in Orre, a big desert that?s north of Johto. Yes, north. Because up is north and down is south. So there. : End of Extra.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light in the windmill west of the aforementioned two-story building. Our heroes, being the only ones to see the flash, ran over to the building and stormed in. There, they saw an incredibly awesome and brilliant spectacle.

It was the most handsome guy anywhere, because, well, you?ll find out. He was leaning nonchalantly against the controls of the windmill.

"OMIGOSH! YOU?RE TOTALLY HOT!"

The guy looked up from the fingernail he was examining. He had the coldest blue eyes any of them had ever seen, with a touch of aloofness that signifies a deep hurt sometime in his past. He had long blond curls running down to his shoulders.

"And?"

Sue-Ellen suddenly was no longer interested in him. Why? She now knew too much about him, and she was only interested in hot STRANGERS.

"Oh, you?re one of those angsty antagonist-types, right?"

The big man(who happened to be very muscular) just smiled coldly.

"Woman?s intuition, undoubtedly."

Sue-Ellen smiled back. "You?re the most perfect guy anywhere, so it?s obvious."

Lonny rolled his eyes. "What you?re missing, oh dumb one, is that he IS the most perf-OW!"

Ronny finished for him. "He?s the author, y?know."

Sue-Ellen just stared. "WHAT!"

The big man nodded. "Yup, SilverBlaze09 is my name, writing is my game."

"Why are you, y?know, here?"

SB09 glowered at the ceiling. "The Narrator and The Chronicler were disgusted with my other ideas for a rival for you, so they combined and threw me in here. Imagine, ME! A character in my own epic!" He shook his head. "Well, what?s done is done. And I still hold total control, so no biggy."

He stood up straight, towering over them with his ten-foot height. "Okay, time to get this show on the road." He waved his hand and the group teleported to a little hut in the middle of nowhere, where an old guy with a beard was waving his hands in strange circles.

SB09 clapped his hands, causing the old guy to shoot through the roof and slam back down into his seat. He turned to the group, unperturbed by the shock. His heart was really good, obviously.

He started saying his lines with a minimum of excess jabbering, causing SB09 to smile a genuine smile for the first time.

"So you wish to hear why you are supposed to save the world and how, hmm? Well, let?s not waste time, I have an Imperial Star Destroyer on my tail at the moment and I?m having to deal with that and a mutiny by a quarter of my crew."

The entire group, barring SB09, stared in shock at the far wall of the hut; it was a screen with the words ?Pause? flashing on and off. There was a game box with the words ?SimAssaultFrigate? on it lying on the floor.

"Anyway, down to business." He turned toward the starboard wall and waved his hand-

"Port."

What?

"He turned to port! He turned to his left, so he turned to port!" SB09 snapped his fingers at the air.

Fine. He turned to PORT.

The wall suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a big screen, with a list running down it. The old guy took out a pointer from nowhere and pointed the pointer at the screen he was pointing at-

"ENOUGH WITH THE POINTING!"

Fine.

The old guy cleared his throat after that yell, then pointed the-never mind.

"Number one: Thisworldisfilledwithevilandyou,asthechosenone,havebeenchosentodefeatitbygatheringallthebadgesofpowerandusingthemtoawakenthedreadspiritsofhorribledoomandyourfriendswillassistyou,includinggloomythere. Any questions, or can we get on with the next part?"

He paused just long enough for our heroes to start raising their hands, then slapped his pointer on the next point.

"Number two:

Youshallfacemanydangersandtrialsonyourquest,butshallovercomewiththehelpofsomestrangehelpers, includingthesixPok?monIshallgiveyou. Any questions, or can we finish this?"

This time, Ronny got his hand up in time. The old guy sighed angrily and pointed his pointer at the young man.

"Y?know, you?re speaking so fast we can hardly understand you. Think you could, y?know, slow it down?"

"No. My game awaits me. On to the next point!"

"Then how are we supposed to, y?know, understand what you just said?"

The old guy muttered something about imps and how he?d love to utilize some of their gadgets on these people, but stopped at a glower from SB09. "Just look up and read what I said carefully. Now, are you finished?"

The young man nodded, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Number three:

Ifyoufail,theworldwillbedumpedintochaos,evilwillruletheworld,andyouwillalldiehorrible,painfuldeaths,probablyatthehandsofsomepinkchickensorsomethinglikethat.Youwilllearnmoreonyourjourneyfrommybrothers.MycousinswillassistyouwhenyougoagainsttheGymLeaders,otherwiseyou?reonyourown. Any questions? No? Good."

He turned around and hobbled over to a door in the wall. Flinging it open, he bowed sarcastically and then walked over to the middle of the room, where he plopped down and began waving his hands in the air again. The screen began moving again, showing a young, incredibly handsome guy with a blaster in each fist holding off a swarm of Wookies from the bridge and at the same time pummeling a Star Destroyer with the turbolasers on his Assault Frigate. The group watched for a bit, then Lonny walked up to the old guy and tapped him on the shoulder, causing the old guy to jump, which in turn caused his character to get splattered by a Wookie fist and pulverized by a blast from the opposing ship, which prompted the words "Game Over" to begin flashing on the screen, which made the old guy turn slowly around with coals for eyes.

"What. In. Hoth. Was. That. For."

"Instead of watching that pathetic girl-like show of stupidity, we?d like to get moving." He braced himself for a clobbering from his sister?s mallet, but instead got picked up and thrown out by the old guy, who was apparently stronger than he looked.

"PICK YOUR STARTERS, YOU FREAKS!"

After ordering the rest of the gang out, he slammed the door shut.

The gang picked themselves up, muttering something about ?creepy old geezers?. Then they stared in shock at the room they were in.

It was big, it had a lot of shelves, and they were all filled with pok?balls. There were little labels under them that told what each one contained. Right in front of the band of heroes and their rival was a sign that read as follows:

"WELCOME TO PROF. GEEZER?S LAB! PLEASE PICK YOUR STARTERS FROM ANY OF THE CREATURES HERE. MAXIMUM TWO ALLOWED PER PERSON."

Suddenly, there was a yelling and the old guy barreled through the door, an ecstatic look on his face. He ran over to Lonny and, picking him up, planted a kiss on his cheek. "I WON I WON I WON I LOVE YOU!"

Lonny, trying simultaneously to wipe the grossness off his cheek and to disentangle himself from the freaky old geezer, asked, "WHAT?"

The old guy released him suddenly, dropping him on his head, and capered about, snapping his fingers and laughing like a little kid who?s just finished setting up a water balloon trap over the door to his sister?s bedroom.

"I beat the level! All that was needed was to go RIGHT instead of LEFT, as I normally do!" More capering. "After you made me lose, I was SO angry that I wasn?t thinking straight!" There were some mutterings of how he should be used to it, but this Chronicler has been unable to find out who did it to this day. "So I turned RIGHT and pounced on the SD from behind! And it inspired my crew to applaud my genius and become loyal to me again!" He beamed, then suddenly turned serious, folding his hands together in his sleeves.

"In gratitude, I will reveal more secrets of this story." The group sighed relievedly. "Firstly, you may each choose two partners from the Pok?mon gathered here. They are the only ones you are allowed to have for your entire journey, so please pick them carefully." There were some astonished glances exchanged between the group. "Yes, it?s horribly pathetic, but you must remember that all the Pok?mon in the world are at your disposal at their youngest forms."

"Why are they that way? Because SOMEBODY was too lazy to raise them?"

The old guy beamed at Sue-Ellen?s pointed remark. "No! It was to prevent the readers from rising in anger and burning the author at the stake!" Everybody looked at SB09, who just shrugged. "Secondly, you will receive a bunch of cool junk, and then I give you your powers!" He beamed.

Seeing as everybody?s curiosity was piqued, they swiftly ran around choosing their partners. Lonny stopped for a minute when he ran into an invisible barrier to ask what it was, and then continued when the old guy informed him that the Pok?mon beyond the barrier weren?t available until Diamond and Pearl came out.

SB09 and the old geezer remained where they were, chatting quietly about Plot Bunnies and what ones does with too many and how one survives too few. When everybody was finished gathering their starters, they returned to the old guy, who instructed them to acquaint themselves with their new friends. Sue-Ellen, happy to comply, threw out her first pok?balls.

"Let?s see you, cuties!"

Out popped a meowth and a growlithe. The cat began cleaning its fur, while the little dog leaped happily up into Sue-Ellen?s arms, yipping happily and cutely.

"WHAT?!"

Everybody turned to see a fuming Lonny.

"Figures. Sis, you?re supposed to pick COOL Pok?mon, not weenie little-OW!"

Well, it looks like Sue-Ellen?s two new friends are already getting used to the group. Ouch. Poor Lonny.

Sue-Ellen squealed happily when her partners rejoined her, happily naming them happy names.

"I?ll call you Kitty and you Lady." She cuddled her two new friends happily.

"Ew, gross, stupid names for-OW!"

Ronny rolled his eyes. "Y?know, you COULD show us the cool and awesome Pok?mon YOU picked out, Lonny."

The boy perked up at this and happily called out his own team: A PINK totdile, which caused everyone to ooh and ahh for a while, and a seviper, the latter promptly wrapping itself around Lonny, causing him to squeal in surprise, causing the entire group to begin laughing. Even SB09 smiled a little.

Lonny poked his head out of the coils. "I?m giving them cool names. Totodile is Blade and this big galoot," he looked fondly up at the contented face of the snake, "I?m gonna call Fang." He beamed at the originality of those names, causing everybody else to begin snickering.

"So why?d you, y?know, pick a PINK totodile?"

Lonny shrugged. "?Cause girls don?t like pink anymore, so now it?s cool. ?Cause whatever girls don?t like is cool-OW!"

After beating Lonny again, they coaxed the big snake off of Lonny, and it promptly wrapped itself around Sue-Ellen, who began freaking out that it was trying to eat her, which prompted everybody else to begin snickering again. Then they convinced the snake to wrap itself around a big pillar that the Old Guy magically made appear.

I should probably tell you that ?everybody else? mean Our Heroes and the Old Guy. SB09 just stood around making weird noises to himself and thinking angsty thoughts to himself, as befitted a rival. Anyway.

Ronny, urged on by everybody else, smiled and released his two team members, a charmander and a magikarp. Lonny gaped.

"W-What kind of pathetic team is THAT?"

Ronny and his partners looked at each other, then the two Pok?mon jumped on Lonny and beat him into submission, the little fire lizard scratching him with its claws and the fish slapping him with its tail. After they finished beating him, Sue-Ellen and her gang took their turn, scratching him and biting him and malleting him. Finally, once they were done, Fang wrapped his body around the boy again. Everybody began laughing, then the Old Guy asked Ronny what he was going to call his partners.

"Y?know, I think I?ll call this little guy," he rubbed the charmander?s head, causing the little lizard to nuzzle up next to him, "Mark and magikarp," here he paused for a minute, "I?ll call Nitro."

"Weak names for weak-OW!"

Sue-Ellen turned away from where Nitro, Lady, Kitty, and Mark were clobbering Lonny and asked Ronny a very pointed question.

"Why did you pick a magikarp?"

Ronny shrugged. "It sounded cool and it looks like a strong fighter."

Lonny, despite being beaten, screamed VERY hysterically, "NO! YOU?RE SUPPOSED-OW!-TO PICK IT-OW!- BECAUSE IT EVOLVES-OW!-INTO-OW!-GYARADOS, NOT BECAUSE OF-OW!-ITS NAME-OW!-OR ITS-OW!-LOOKS!"

Ronny blinked. "What?s a garadose?"

"AUGH!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Meanwhile, the two evil guys were happily enjoying their dinners after the two girls had passed out.

"Obviously from too much disillusionment at once."

"I KNEW WE SHOULDN?Y HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT PETER PAN AND CAPTAIN HOOK?S REAL LIVES. CURSE THESE WEAK-KNEED PEOPLE WHO TELL THEM THESE PATHETIC LIES!"

"You said it, bro."

Suddenly, one of Pine?s aides came running up to them and bowed down before them.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, WORM?"

"S-Sir," said the wretch, "Mewtwo has escaped!"

"what."

When Pine spoke out of caps lock, there was trouble brewing. The aide turned white.

"While we were feeding the evil Pok?mon, Mew suddenly appeared, muttering something about ?fricking legendary meetings? and ?light side idiots?. She blasted us back out of the room, then blasted Mewtwo?s cylinder! He woke up and they talked for a little while, then they flew away! And they blasted my little raichu-clones away?" The aide began sobbing and Pine nodded sympathetically.

"YES, YES, IT?S TERRIBLE TO LOSE SOMETHING YOU LOVE. DON?T WORRY, WE?LL CLONE SOME NEW ONES."

oiGinnav looked curiously at Pine. "Uh, shouldn?t you be worried about Mewtwo on the loose?"

"NO, IT?S ALL RIGHT. PLOT HOLE."

"Oh."

Pine gestured the weeping aide to a seat and ordered a good dish of Evil Tacos for him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Now, you may be asking yourselves rather odd questions, like:

Why is the story continually going off on weird tangents like that Pine/oiGinnav/aide scene above? How did I get sucked into this mess? Who is going to win, Good or Bad? Where did Mewtwo and Mew go? What is up with all these ridiculous questions? When is the good stuff coming?

1. Because I want it to.
2. You clicked the wrong link.
3. YOU TWITS! It?s not GOOD Vs. BAD; it?s GOOD vs. EVIL!
4. If you look closely, the aide tells you.
5. I don?t know, I?m just answering them.
6. Sorry.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

After they pulled Lonny away from the rather displeased Pok?mon and calmed them down, they suddenly began their education on team quirks.

Lady and Kitty almost constantly assaulted each other with fangs and claws, obviously unable to resist the age-old rivalry between their species. Blade refused to do anything Lonny said, even chomping him a couple times when the boy got too obnoxious, while Fang was continually wrapping himself around Lonny. Mark and Nitro got along the best, but even they were uncomfortable around each other, Nitro being too watery for Mark?s comfort, while Nitro was ill at ease with Mark?s claws and teeth. Finally, the old man clapped his hands, attracting everybody?s attention.

"We?d better hurry up, people! The readers want this chapter up soon, and the author is dying to get to the next chapter."

After returning their partners into their pok?balls, the gang lined up in front of the old guy, who started waving his hands weirdly again.

"To you, foolish young sidekick," he muttered to Lonny, "I give the power of calling any fictitious character you want to do your bidding. Beware, for they only stay for one hour, and can only be called three times a day."

While Lonny gaped, the old man flicked his hand and a strange tattoo burned into Lonny?s forehead, causing him to shriek. What?s a gift without the price?

The tattoo was fairly simple: a blue circle with the letters ?D? and ?C? in white within it. Lonny touched it, then a mirror appeared in the air before him. He stared in shock, then turned to the Old Guy.

"W-Why is the DC comics logo on my forehead?"

The Old Guy shrugged. "Because they?ve got the coolest super heroes."

Lonny slapped his forehead, immediately regretting it when he aggravated his burn. "DUH!"

The Old Guy continued on to Sue-Ellen, who looked queasy.

"To you, sister of the fool, I give the power of Rainbows. You may use rainbows to attack or defend yourself or your friends. No other limits."

While Sue-Ellen gaped, the old man flicked his hand and a strange tattoo burned into Sue-Ellen?s forehead, causing her to shriek. What?s a gift without the price?

This tattoo portrayed a star with a rainbow tail. Everybody OOHed and AHHed while she stared in the mirror, then the old man turned to Ronny.

"To you, O hero, I give the power of the vehicles. You may construct, alter and destroy vehicles with but the flick of your hand."

The last tattoo burned itself into its host, this one portraying the side view of a Ford pickup. Ronny stared in the mirror, then turned to the Old Guy.

"A FORD?!"

The Old Guy shrugged. "It was the only car I could think of."

Ronny sighed.

The old guy muttered something about evil and may they be blessed in their battle against it, then he flung his hands forward. Our heroes suddenly found themselves falling forever, with the Old Guy?s voice in their ears.

"My brothers will help you. Remember to head for Pewter City first?" His voice faded away, along with the lights?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Narrator: Great, they STILL haven?t started their journey, and we?ve already got too many weirdos.

Huh?

Narrator: Well, first we?ve got Pine and oiGinnav as the weird evil leaders-

Dudes. Weird evil dudes. It sounds cooler.

Narrator: And then there?s SB09, who we just HAD to throw in-

He forced us. Remember, we?re both his characters.

Narrator: And NOW there?s a family of weird old guys wandering around! I mean, give me a BREAK!

And that?s just the start! We still haven?t gotten to the Gym Dudes, the Nursies, the Team Evil Grunts, and that?s just Kanto!

Narrator: Sigh? We?ll be back after these messages, or whenever the author decides to write the next chapter?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Enjoy! Or whatever you do... XD

?SilverBlaze09?