The Piano Is Still Playing

Dignity

[~As I lay dying~]
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    • Seen Sep 28, 2009
    The Piano Is Still Playing

    Dagger on the table,
    Next to the candle
    Her tears are frozen
    On her cold face.
    She is lying still
    The piano in the corner
    Is still playing

    Blood and tears,
    Not a good mix.
    But the candle is still glowing,
    On the table with the dagger
    The dagger rusty,
    The color of blood
    And the piano is still playing

    Tears like icicles on her face,
    Blood the color of rusted hinges.
    A piece of paper on the table,
    Written in her blood.
    No one will ever no what happened
    See the dagger on the table?
    The piano is still playing
    1/21/05 ~ origin

    Well, guys, go ahead and tell me what you think!! (i never like my work)
     
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    I liked it.The name of the poem is good too.
     
    xXxLaYdee0rIgInxXx said:
    The Piano Is Still Playing

    Dagger on the table
    Next to the candle
    Her tears are frozen
    On her cold face
    She is lying still
    The piano in the corner
    Is still playing

    Blood and tears
    Not a good mix
    But the candle is still glowing
    On the table with the dagger
    The dagger rusty
    The color of blood
    And the piano is still playing

    Tears like icicles on her face
    Blood the color of rusted hinges
    A piece of paper on the table
    Written in her blood
    No one will ever no what happened
    See the dagger on the table?
    The piano is still playing
    1/21/05 ~ origin

    Well, guys, go ahead and tell me what you think!! (i never like my work)
    Click to expand...

    Well, this poem was quite intersting. ^_______^ I think the flow could have a bit more effort put into it, but I think that shouldn't be too hard of a problem to fix. ^^

    I only saw one spelling error. In the third line from the bottom, 'no' should be 'know'. ^________^ I am just curious about the poem's plot.

    It seems as though a murder has occured, and in between all of the chaos, the piano is still playing, still going on as though the world were at peace. I do find it a bit confusing, but I still like the poem a lot. ^_^

    Awsome job Julia, and be confident in your writing, that's the only way you can make true pieces of art is if you believe in your talent. ^_~

    ~Kelsey
     
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    hey kelsey thanks! ^^ well, the girl in my poem wasnt murdered. She killed herself, and i know that isnt very clear in the poem. It isnt supposed to be. But thanks for the suggestions!.. the piano, dagger, candle and girl both kind of set the mood because of music i was listening to last night, there was a piano playing in the background and i thought that kind of fitted in with the poem...There also was supposed to be a rose somewhere there but i never put that.. look for more poems with these elements in the future! MegaDitto: thanks! ^^ XD ~origin
     
    Yes, I often write my poems that go with the current mood of me or my surroundings. That is often how one can create the best poetry of their abilities too. ^______^ Great poem again, Julia, keep up the great work. ^^

    ~Kelsey
     
    No one will ever no what happened
    Click to expand...
    Is the no supposed to be a know? xD;;;

    *ahem* Anyways, I loved it. =3 I love the mood you set for the poem, and the adjectives you used to describe the girl. n_n Even though it wasn't really clear that she killed herself the first time, but the second time... It was beautiful. =3

    I <3 it. =3
     
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