[Pokémon] The Ultimate Journey![PG-13]

[Blaziquaza]

Intro________
This is a tale of three childhood friends on their journey through the Pokémon world. They meet many people ,including the leaders of: Magma, Aqua, Rocket and Galactic. Will they succeed in their journey,
Or come to their impending doom (Just kidding!)? Read on to find out?
Characters____
Tom:
Height: 153cm
Weight: 40kg
Information:
The main protagonist of this fan fiction, he was probably the most spoilt of the three, and the most smartest. He can be useful in lots of situations. He has always had the desire to catch the wiser
Pokémon like Rayquaza and Ho-Oh.
Pokémon:
Torchic:
A very energetic Pokémon. One of Tom's most trusted Pokémon,this one evolves into Combusken when Tom is near-death.
Pikachu:
Pikachu is Tom's best outside-of-battle helper. Pikachu helps Tom run electrical appliances. Pikachu grabs a ThunderStone and evolves when Tom is held captive by Galactic.


Renny
Height: 125cm
Weight: 31kg
Information:
Renny is the shortest of the three, but most athletic. He can jump 20cm high, and can run up to 8km
Per hour. He has a super annoying sister.
Pokémon:
Treecko:
Treecko seems to be harsh at times. Treecko never wants to lose, and evolves when almost defeated by Flannery in Lavaridge.


Owen
Height: 146cm
Weight: 35kg
Information: Owen is the twin of his brother Alex. You can tell the difference because the back of Owen's
Head is shaped differently.
Pokémon:
Mudkip:
Mudkip seems to be timid. Owen doesn't mind this attitude that Mudkip shows, and encourages Mudkip to use strong moves. Mudkip evolves into Marshtomp after Regirock attacks it near the Safari Zone.
Prologue______
It was a cloudy day. Many people were devastated by last week's tornado, most likely caused by a
giga-size Whirlwind caused by a flock of Latias and Latios. But for three kids in Littleroot Town, they
didn't care! It was their first days as Pokémon Trainers.
"So, what are you getting Tom?"Asked Owen.
"I've been deciding between Torchic and Treecko."Tom replied.
"Maybe Prof. Birch is going to give you Torchic and Pikachu."Joked Renny.
"I'm not a Ketchum."Tom laughed.


"Hi boys, it's only you three this year!"Said Prof. Birch.
"I know what you three want. Tom, I'm giving you Pikachu and Torchic."He continued.
"Renny, you're getting Treecko. And Owen, Mudkip."
The boys got a Pokédex each, some PokéBalls, and left.
"So, this is it." Said Renny.
"Yep," said Tom.
"See you," they said to each other, and left.

Tom's Journey______
"So, guys, do you want to not use your PokéBalls?" Asked Tom?
"Pika, pi." Said Pikachu."No, we don't."
"Well then. Let's go!"He said.
"Hey, what's that? It looks like a message!" Said Tom.
"It says..."He continued.
"Dear reader, you have found this note. Look next to it. A PokéBall should be next to it. Take it to
Kurt in Johto. Regards, S. Oak"
"Well, here's that PokéBall." Said Tom.
"Wurm!" Cried a Wurmple.
"Oh no."Said Tom.
"Pikachu, ThunderShock!" He cried out.
Bang! It electrified the Wurmple.
"Wurm!" It cried out.
The ThunderShock's remainder's then hit Tom.
"OUCH!"Cried out Tom. He then blacked out.


"Where am I?" Tom said.
"You're in a Pokémon Center." Said Nurse Joy. "Your Pokémon are OK."
"Which Pokémon Center is it?" He asked.
"Rustboro's. Your Pokémon took you here. Including a pack of wild Poochyena, and a Wurmple."
"Guess they know my Pokémon." Said Tom.
"But, a Poochyena died during carrying you here. We think another Poochyena bit it's neck."Said Nurse Joy sadly.
"That's horrible."Said Tom. "I hope it rests in peace."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And that's it. Tell me what you think of the prologue.
Copyright 2010, BlaziquazaLv.Z

 

[Astinus]

Wow. Amazing, you improved from the first thread you posted. I'm honestly greatly impressed! *applauds*

I can see that you're young. When I was ten, my own writing wasn't that great. But if you listen to advice, ask questions, and keep writing, you will improve in your writing.

So, y'know what? I'm going to not close your thread this time. Why? Because it seems like you're trying. I'm going to run this on a trial basis. If you honestly listen to the advice given to you and use the advice in future chapters, your thread will remain open. If you don't listen to the advice given, then I'll close your thread.

So let me give you a few simple guidelines, since it's really early in the morning for me and I haven't gone to bed yet. So I'm tired and don't want to confuse you.

One thing you can do to improve is to hit the Enter button to create a new paragraph. See how my post looks? That's how your fanfiction can look if you hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph.

The second thing you can do is read over your fanfic before you post it. See here?

"Guess the know my Pokémon."

See that "the" there? One read-over before posting would have caught that for you, and you could have fixed it to say "they" before you posted your story.

I'd review more, but as I said, I'm half-asleep. There's more to cover, and maybe someone else will stop by to help you out.

Good luck to you, and you can contact me through PM/VM to ask questions if need be.

 

[Feign]

The small humour put a smile on my face.

I think from where you are now, you have the dialogue down pat.

A good way to make improvements too, is adding description. Especially to solve continuity problems that might arise when writing a story (for anyone).

Perhaps something like the message found. You could say that your character found in some place, as opposed to just finding it (somewhere) and reading it.

Also, in terms of description, if you describe your character's pokemon, this will give the reader a chance to get to know or rather sympathize with, that character.

Otherwise I'm right behind what Asti had to say, including the help part. ;)

Good luck.

One question though, how come the fic is Pg-13, when you don't fall under that category even? XD :P

 

[Blaziquaza]

Wow. Amazing, you improved from the first thread you posted. I'm honestly greatly impressed! *applauds*

I can see that you're young. When I was ten, my own writing wasn't that great. But if you listen to advice, ask questions, and keep writing, you will improve in your writing.

So, y'know what? I'm going to not close your thread this time. Why? Because it seems like you're trying. I'm going to run this on a trial basis. If you honestly listen to the advice given to you and use the advice in future chapters, your thread will remain open. If you don't listen to the advice given, then I'll close your thread.

So let me give you a few simple guidelines, since it's really early in the morning for me and I haven't gone to bed yet. So I'm tired and don't want to confuse you.

One thing you can do to improve is to hit the Enter button to create a new paragraph. See how my post looks? That's how your fanfiction can look if you hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph.

The second thing you can do is read over your fanfic before you post it. See here?


See that "the" there? One read-over before posting would have caught that for you, and you could have fixed it to say "they" before you posted your story.

I'd review more, but as I said, I'm half-asleep. There's more to cover, and maybe someone else will stop by to help you out.

Good luck to you, and you can contact me through PM/VM to ask questions if need be.

Hey, thanks for the advice. I didn't notice it on Publisher.

The small humour put a smile on my face.

I think from where you are now, you have the dialogue down pat.

A good way to make improvements too, is adding description. Especially to solve continuity problems that might arise when writing a story (for anyone).

Perhaps something like the message found. You could say that your character found in some place, as opposed to just finding it (somewhere) and reading it.

Also, in terms of description, if you describe your character's pokemon, this will give the reader a chance to get to know or rather sympathize with, that character.

Otherwise I'm right behind what Asti had to say, including the help part. ;)

Good luck.

One question though, how come the fic is Pg-13, when you don't fall under that category even? XD :P

This FF does have some deaths, but not too gory. Just not my style.:P