Vegabond PG13(Mature Themes later on)

[Ryoutarou]

Ok, this is another try at doing another serial fic, I know chapter one is short but I plan to make the next one at least twice as long.

A brilliant layer of deep blue mountains surrounding and closing a city off from the outside world, inside this vault of a landline there lay a power so great at the center of the city that nothing should have ever been allowed to hold it?s power for good or evil, so even at the cost of thousands?the power had to be locked away into deep of the blue nightmare, a city that ruled for a thousand years fell into the deep blue in a matter of minutes, locking the power away for thousands of years to come?

Vegabond

Chapter One:The succors of water.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

?Ok, you really think were up to this?,? ask a blue haired tan skin boy, his brown jacket and black pants blew lightly in the wind.

?Aww, don?t worry about it, either way we were somehow good enough to get invited to the tournament so, if two no name trainers like us can get into this thing who?s to say that we cant do well in it?,? replied a orange haired boy, his black vest and blue pants were a bit dusty from some training earlier that day, as Yuki tried to dust his pants off.

The two boys stopped at a small town square, four shops stand side by side to create a wall like effect, a great deal of greenery lined the lines of green benches, the two boys took a seat at one of the benches as the looked out into the endless row of buildings, and cars making their way through the large city. The sky that had once been bright and blue turned rather dim.

?So, now we just have to wait here for a while before the tournament master comes, right?,?

?Ya I guess, really just wish he would hurry up. Can?t be helped though, he?s coming all the way from Blackthorn. So anyways what is so great about these guys? tournaments?? asked Kino

?Well, there really isn?t anything so special or great about his tournaments. It?s just that people when you enter something involving him you get a new found sense of purpose, trainers who thought they had nothing left to do or learn come out from his tournaments as if it?s their first day as a trainer, energized and ready to learn all there is about the world.,?

?Well, after our awkward loss at the Silver cup last year we need something to guide us on our way to being better trainers??

A small crowd started to form behind the two boys, chanting and cheering can be heard from a small red brick courtyard behind the benches. The boys get up to go see what all the commotion is about. After packing their way through some of the crowd members the two get to the center of attention, two boys are having a pokemon battle.

?Oh, is this all the noise was about?? commented Yuki unconcerned on the actual battle.

?Doesn?t seem to be more then just two newbie trainers, let?s check their pokemon.? Replied Kino as he took out small blue Hoenn style pokedex and pointed it at each of the two battling pokemon.

The screen of the pokedex snows a little before a image of a aipom appears. A computer like voice begins to read the information from the pokedex.

Aipom- The long tail pokemon, Aipom enjoy bathing in the sun and hunting for berries, they will seldom enter a battle unless a reward is involved for it.

?Ah, then it must be getting some sort of treat from it?s trainer out of this I take it?though both of the kids are using Aipom so?it doesn?t really make for that grea?? A loud screeching roar interrupts Kino.

A long sleek black car pulls up to the sidewalk of the courtyard area. The attention quickly shifts from the battle to the man coming from out of the car. A tall grey haired man in a brown business suit steps out and takes a look at the trainers. The others gather around him knowing he must be the tournament master.

?Boys and girls, trainers of all ages, I?d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for accepting my invitation to this little tournament of mine. As you all know, my tournaments are well known for the ?mystery? behind the new found will of the trainers that enter, well today I?m going to be adding a little incentive to my get together.? The man snaps his finger and out from behind him steps a man in a black trench coat, he grabs a small blue box from a inside pocket and takes out a un-enlarged pokeball and hands it to the tournament master. ?This friend is a little something I like to call an Aquarius ball.? The ma enlarges the ball to reveal a small infinity pattern circling the side of the all blue ball. ?There are only five in the entire world, and as a prize to the winner, along with the prize money, whosoever wins the tournament will receive this ball, what it does? You?ll have to wait and find out. Now onto the tournament rules, this will be a tournament unlike any other you have ever fought in, my humble servant please pass out the battle cuffs.?

The man in the trench coat proceeds to pass out a cuff to every one of the trainers, a single cuff with six small indentations along its sides for pokeballs to be placed.

?So just what the heck we are supposed to do with these?? garbled Kino

?A little s&mish if you ask me.? Muttered Yuki

?Now good friends, before you put these on let me explain them to you. If you choose to enter my battle, you will put this cuff on either one of your hands, as you can see it holds six pokeballs. The actual location of my tournament is a secret SOOOO, your going to need to win at least three battles with any other participant within the next two weeks. For each battle you win, you receive a map piece, you start out with one map piece, once you have all three the location will be reviled. Only sixteen trainers will be allowed to enter the tournament, so get going?you have three weeks to find the location.?

The man returned to his car as it sped off, leaving a good deal of the trainers confused. Many of them simply threw the cuff into the trash and decided not to enter.

As the two boys put their cuffs onto their right hands, they each take their pokeballs from their pockets and place them into the spaces in the cuff.

?So?that?s tournament master Satoshi then? A tad bit eccentric isn?t he? ?Thought Kino as the two boys passed the jungle of buildings and entered a small grassy field; a few trainers had already begun battling to earn the map parts.

?Told you his tournament would be fun, I wonder what that Aquarius ball can do. I hope it?s something good, either way the one hundred thousand yen prize money sound just as good.?

?So, where do you expect we start our battles? I saw a bunch of trainers headed that way, we might be able to find some there.? Mentioned Kino as he pointed to a area surrounded by bush and shrubs.

The two boys make their way up a small hill and some to a tag team trainer battle, with two young boys dressed in black school uniforms battling two older trainers with brown hair, dark sunglasses and a black leather biker like suit.

Two Nidorina belonging to the two young boys have been knocked out, the two winners smirk at the two losing boys as they come for their prize. Once the boys hand over their map parts, the biker boys grab the cuff of the other boys and take two pokeballs each.

?Hey! They can?t do that!? Yelled Yuki as he ran up to the bikers, dragging Kino along with him.

?C?mon, don?t do this Yuki these kids can handle them?to late? muttered Kino

Yuki had begun arguing with the two biker boys.

?You now it?s punks like you that made me not wanna be a trainer at first! You better give them their pokeballs back or else!? Threatened Yuki

?Heh, or else what?? Remarked one of the trainers.

?Or else me and my buddy Kino here are gonna mop the floor with you two! Hey?Kino where?d you go?:

Kino had jumped back up to where they where first at, the very back of the crowd.

?Uh-Uh! You?re not dragging me into another one you ?righteous savior? missions again.?

?Oh really, is that so? How about I tell your mom that you were the one to make the mess in her home and not her Mightyena??

?Why you little?all right...But you can?t use that on me for another six months!?

?Thas goo? boy. Now get your butt down here and battle?

Kino makes his way down to Yuki again with a really angry expression.

?All right then boys?we?ll give back the pokemon if you lose?but you got to give us one of your pokemon if you lose?do we have a deal?? asked one of the bikers

?Deal?we?ll be done with you in no time.?

?Hey! Since when did I say I would give up my pokemon? Oh boy?I really am spineless aren?t I?

?Hehe?whatever you two better get ready to hand your pokemon over to us.? Snorted one of the bikers

?All right then, lets just get this thing going now!? yelled Kino as the two bikers back away to release their pokemon.

The two bikers then throw two great balls into the air as the balls burst open and flood with light the forms of two mightyena form.

?These fools have no idea what?s in store for them.? Muttered one biker.

To Be Continued?.

 

[Lily]

Length was fine, don't worry blue. >>;

Another past and present tense mix up...try considering what events are going to be happening next, because your chapter kind of went from past to present to past and then to present again, and it was rather confusing. Another thing were the dialogues, about the period usage and the capitilization. Try to capitilize the word after the dialogue is complete, as well as the period and comma mix ups I've seen at the end of each speech.

Grammar was a bit of a problem as well. One thing I happened to nitpick was 'your' and 'you're'. They're two totally different things, 'you're' a contraction to 'you are.' So in a way, it makes sense if you think of it like that. 'Your' is a different story, referring to the person you're trying to indicate to. Other main thing were spelling errors, but they can be fixed too.

I liked the idea of the story, it's like Yu Gi Oh with the battle city tournament. XD But it's pretty interesting to see it play in the form of Pokemon. Very nice chapter, and good luck with the next chap! It'll turn out interesting, in my opinion. ^_^

 

[Ryoutarou]

Allrighty here is chapter two, I'm trying to keep this fic going no matter what.

Vegabond
Chapter Two: Beautiful Devil

?Mightyena GO!? Yelled the trainers as their pokemon took a fighting stance in front of Yuki and Kino.

?SO, you got us into this want do we do?? Asked Kino

?Heh, it?s easy, we just hit them with our strongest pokemon, GO! RAICHU!? Yelled Yuki as he threw out a pokeball, the ball bursted in the air revealing a small brown rodent standing on its tail.

Kino gives off a shrug as he released his pokemon. ?All right here we Quilava GO!? yelled Kino as his Quilava materialized out of it?s pokeball, now two pokemon stood facing two pokemon.

?Ok, just be careful, we don?t have the best luck with tag match remember.? Said Yuki

?Oh sure, he remembers we?ve never won a single tag team?brilliant thinker I got?anyways onto battle! Quilava ember!? Yelled Kino

The pokemon warmed up its flame as it started running towards the mightyena unleashing a powerful array of fire at each of the two pokemon. Quilava quickly returns to Kino?s side as it lifts its head proudly.

?My turn, ready Raichu??

Raichu have a grunt as it came to its feet.

?Now, thunder attack!? yelled Yuki

Raichu looked up to the sky as the blue clods slowly drifted away and became a sky full black and grey clouds as a yellow flowing beam of light came down striking Raichu. Raichu jumps back to it?s tail and sends the attack at the mightyena knocking them back off their feet.

?See, told you not to underestimate us!? Yelled Yuki.

?...and we told you, you have no idea what you?re in for?mighty use your Vagabond now!? yelled both bikers.

A small necklace around the necks of both of the mightyena slowly began to glow a dark red as the two pokemon rose to their feet. The pokemon looked like zombies now, as if the bodies were puppets.

?No way?those two attack to strong to lose to?? Said Yuki before trailing off his sentence in shock.

?Look at them, their eyes are all white no pupil, I?ve never seen a pokemon like this, even in a blind rage?something?s wrong.? Muttered Kino as he grasped his hands while he tried to think of a plan. ?This battle hasn?t even been going for five minutes and, what are these things?? Thought Kino to himself.

?Vaga-BITE!? yelled both of the bikers.

The two mightyena attacked in a trance like state. Their mouth began to glow blue as the unleashed a energy attack from their mouths in the form of a pair of jaws claming into Raichu and knocking it out cold. Quilava easily managed to dodge it and tried to unleash a flamethrower, but was caught off guard by another attack from the enemy pokemon.

?What in the world is this? These pokemon are unconscious but they?re still fighting? What are these guys?? Thought Kino in shock as he tried to recall his fainted Quilava.

?Nope, too late we said we get to keep your pokemon, we already have enough map parts, but your pokemon will do well for us? Commanded one of the bikers

Both of the bikers took out a small black pokeball with a red infinity sign on it and hurled it at the Quilava and Raichu. The two pokemon were recalled to the other evil pokballs in a instant

?Now, we?ll be taking the other kids pokemon?? Remarked a biker as he tossed out two more dark pokeballs to capture the pokemon of the other kids.

The two enemies took a look at the four new pokemon they had and walked off; leaving Yuki and Kino is a state of shock.

?Darn it! I know we could have beat them?we DID beat them what were those things they had?!? yelled Yuki as he began to walk away from the crowd.

?Idiot, forgot all about the kids, huh?? Kino thought to himself. Kino grabbed two pokeballs from his cuff and walked over to the two boys that had lost their pokemon.

The tear brown eyed boys stepped back a little as Kino came up to them. With a smile Kino handed each of the two boys a pokeball from his hand.

?Let?s see, you two are only what?ten or twelve? Bad idea to step into something this big, but don?t worry about it. I was going to raise these two evee for contest, but I think they would have a better home with you two, you lost your map parts, so you?re out of the tournament, train with these pokemon so more and you might just be good enough to win a tournament in a few years.? Smirked Kino as he began to walk away.

?Thank you!? Yelled both boys at once.

?Sure, no problem?just take care of them!? Yelled back Kino as he walked off.

The crowd began to break away as the battle had ended. Kino looked around at the top of the hill, he saw Yuki sitting by a grassy area surrounding a small lake. Kino ran down to him as fast as he could.

?Hey! Just what the hell is your problem?!? Yelled Kino as he came to Yuki?s side. ?You could have at least stayed and said you were sorry for losing to those kids! It was your bright idea to help them out and we lost, you should have taken responsibility and not just walked off like a KID!?

?I?m?I thought we could?? Yuki trailed off as he was talking.

Kino grabbed Yuki?s shirt with his fist and looked at him in the eyes, Yuki?s eyes were bland and lifeless as if he was lost in something else.

?God! You know it?s your fault and I?m not going to feel sorry for you this time!? Yelled Kino as he punched Yuki in the stomach ?Finish it on your own?find the location on your own, don?t follow me around anymore? Whispered Kino as he slowly walked away from Yuki.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
?You fool! How could you?? Yelled a man in a blue robe, his face shrouded by the robe?s hood.

?Master?please forgive us, we got two pokemon as you asked!? begged the two biker boys.

?You know we can?t let anyone find out about the vagabond yet, and with that fool Erma running around looking for his two predecessors, we can?t have anyone know of them yet? not yet. You both have failed me and I will not tolerate failure in our plans.? The robed man took out two orange pokeballs from his robe and aimed it at the boys.

?No sir, please we promise we...AHHH!? Yelled the two boys as a yellow beam of light wrapped around their bodies and returned them to the orange pokeballs.

?Hump, useless servants anyways, at least I got their pokemon before I returned them to their ball.? Said the man as he carelessly tossed the pokeballs to the ground and walked off into a dark hallway.

?I will not fail you father! This is our dream and Erma and his bloodline will pay for what they did to our city??

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A new day had risen up Johto, Kino had camped on a beach, and he had just finished putting up his camp site as the waves crashed against the sandy shore. The sky was blue and light, unlike the sky from the battle of the night before. A Crabby passed by, eating as small shell it had found.

Kino laughed a little as he saw he pokemon get its food stolen by another Crabby. Once packed up Kino began to walk along the shore line, looking at the docks that lined the entire beach area for as far as the eye could see.

?Wow, I can?t believe I came this far on my own, well since I gave those two boys my pokemon yesterday?I only have three left?Blastoise, Swellow, and Vaporeon. Maybe I can try and catch another before I leave Blackthorn, oh well?? A voice interrupted Kino, coming from behind a blue haired girl came running up to him, her black skirt dress waved in the wind as she ran up to him.

?Hi! Are you Kino Nika from Ruby city?? Asked the girl trying to catch her breath.

?Uh, ya that?s me what do you need?? Kino kindly responded.

?My friend, Kina wanted to know if she could battle you. She saw the match you had yesterday and thought that you would make a good opponent?and she kind of thinks ?you?re cute.?

Kino gave a silent nod ?yes? as he blushed and his face grew a bright red.

?Ok, that?s great you can meet her at the other end of the beach in four hours, don?t be late?plus she wanted to ask you for your help on something.? Said the girl as she ran off.

Kino began his walk up the boardwalk and into the city, he passed many trainers battling, a few of the stores he passed were giving out free supplies if some of the better known trainers stopped there.

?Hmm, that would be perfect for me if I was well known?but nothing for me?just gotta go get me something to eat!? Groaned Kino as he stepped into a small diner with a Pikachu eating a bowel of rice on the sign on top of the diner.

Kino found a small booth and sat down as a waiter came to him, the man in white uniform handed him a menu and Kino picked his order as the man walked off. Kino sat looking at the window next to him, staring out Kino thought of what he had done last night.

?Maybe, I shouldn?t have been so hard on Yuki, after all?that was our first tag team since the silver conference?and our first since his dad died. Still though, even if we lost he could have said something to those kids?instead of leaving me to pay the bills with my evee?? Thought Kino to himself as a man in blue and red striped shirt and black pants came and sat down in the seat across from him in the booth, his wild blue hair made him seem taller then he really was.

?Oh hi, my names Miki, I was wondering if I could sit here. All the other booths are taken, as are the tables, and I?m really hungry??Said Miki

?Sure, umm hey I see that?s a Battle cuff around your wrist, are you in that tournament as well?? Asked Kino.

?Ya, I got in at the Kanto sign ups a few weeks ago, still I?ve only managed to get two map parts in three weeks. I came here to look for competition; it seems you only have one part as well.?

?I had one battle yesterday, but I?d rather not talk about it?it was a loss for me.? Replied Kino

?Don?t feel bad about it; I?ve already lost two times in this thing, so I?m trying to be careful about who I challenge next??

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

?So are you sure he is coming here?? Asked a brown haired girl, wearing a short skirt and blue vest, her long blue hair was tied up as to not get blown in the wind.

?Don?t worry sis, he is coming I know it, but do you really think he can help you?? Asked Erma

?We can?t have anything going wrong in this battle at all, if he is the one that can help us out, then he no doubt will have his friend with him, as long as that kid doesn?t get in the way I?m sure we will be fine.? Replied Kina

?Well, when I meet him there wasn?t anyone with him, it was just him by himself, so there might be a good chance that you don?t have to tag team with him?either way if I have to battle I will. Let?s just hope that this kid can prove to be the one that can use the blue orb?.?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

?A tag team battle?? Asked Miki

The two were on the wooden boardwalk, on their way to the beach to meet with Erma.

?Ya, I don?t actually have a partner, but I was wondering if you could tag team with me?? Asked Kino

?A tag team? Sure that sounds fine, maybe this way we can both earn our next parts to the map??Said Miki ?Just as long as Erma doesn?t interfere?.?

To Be Continued?

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Sorry for not reviewing this sooner >.< I would have done, but then I accidentally deleted my PMs, and was frantically looking for you to put it up again XD Anyways - to review:

Grammar did seem to be your greatest problem with this fic. Throughout the first and second chapters, there were numerous grammar mistakes such as improper use of periods, capitalisation errors, the odd spelling problem, comma and period mix-ups. Such simple things, but they can easily affect the writing of the fic. Be sure to proofread it thoroughly before submitting it, as MS Word can only detect so much in terms of grammatical errors.

Most other things were all right with this fic. There was a bit too much dialogue - but at least you evened it out with lots of description. The flow of the fic was nice as well - as is the plot. It's certainly different. Keep up the good work ^_^