Video Game Logic

[Juno]

Time to bring this thread back, it's always fun. c:

Video games just make no sense sometimes, but we usually don't question it or complain, because hey, it would really suck if our characters were like real people and can only withstand one or two bullets before dying. Still, it's a lot of fun to point out all the silly, flawed logic in games that make you go:

And that's what this thread is for, so have at it!​

 

[Cerberus87]

Well, basically, in real life you don't have 100 hit points, you can't walk at super speed, you bleed from wounds, medpacks don't instantly heal you, you generally don't have magical powers, and you can't restart if you die.

 

[TY]

You don't respawn in real life, tanks don't cost $800, bullets can't blow up a structure.

 

[Megan]

- instant teleports to already visited towns
- people wearing gigantic swords without having back problems
- summons that destroy 90% of the solar system, but do next to nothing to your party
- only being able to carry a limited amount of small healing potions and the same amount of giant weaapons
- two people talking with each other while conveniently blocking your way
- infinite battery life
- monsters dropping coins
- surviving a fall from (almost) infinite hight
- enemies don't die, they just appear in their ultimate form
- if you beat the ultimate form, there's still the ultimate ultimate form
- while in battle, enemies always wait for their turn
- the Pokemon world doesn't have streets where cars can drive on and the safest place for children in a transporter is in the back
- people can't swim
- the world is full of invisible walls
- you can climb a mountain while on a horse
- Fourth-Wall-breaks
- Save Points everywhere
- the really young heroes are always more competent than any government or giant army
- one hour of grinding beats years of practical experience
- everything gets more expensive as you progress in the story
- Double Jumps
- Triple Jumps
- there's always that ancient civilization that's way more advanced in technology
- Gold Armor is better than Iron Armor
- magic explains everything
- you can't move furniture unless it's a puzzle
- people like installing puzzles in their basement
- treasure chests are always unlocked and still contain cool stuff
- people don't need toilets, or a bathroom in general
- Ninjas use jetpacks as well
- birds want your life
- autoscrolling levels

 

[mew_nani]

In Video Game Land:

- There's floating platforms everywhere that aren't attached to anything. In real life this isn't a thing due to how gravity works, but apparently over there magnetism works in such a way that platforms just float in the air. Maybe it's why lightning magic works like it does.

- Everything, be it bunnies, spiders, mushrooms, haunted instruments, a ball of cotton, or even a cloud wants to kill you. There is no real explanation for this and it really doesn't make much sense if you think about it. If every animal did this in real life there wouldn't be any left because they would have been hunted to extinction. But in VGL they respawn infinitely for all of your grinding needs.

- Inflation, or rather, the lack of it. In real life the worth of any currency is directly tied to the current amount of it in circulation. If the amount of paper money printed goes up prices do too because over time the value of the money decreases. In video games this doesn't happen; currency is seemingly generated out of thin air and the prices of goods never seems to change. You can farm gold to your heart's content and that Phoenix Down will still be just 500 gold. Note that this only applies to NPC shops; in MMOs the rule of inflation is applied and prices will go up or down depending on the amount of gold available in game.

- Nobody eats, drinks, gets sick, suffers that time of the month, uses the bathroom, or is affected by hunger unless it is either a plot point or there is a hunger mechanic, and even then it only covers hunger and getting ill from eating bad food. I get it falls under rule of fun but it makes no sense whatsoever seeing as in real life you have to eat, have to go to the bathroom, and can get sick for a few days. Are they all wearing diapers over there?

- Everything has a hitbox, and if it's a solid object you can't go over it. In real life, if there is a mountain, you can climb over it. Not so in VGL: the mountainside most of the time is a solid object and as such you cannot climb over it, only follow a set path that doesn't intersect with your hitbox. This also applies to fences, trees, bushes, light posts, walls, furniture, and even invisible spaces that clearly do not have anything in them. What.

- Biome placement. In real life biomes are very closely related to rainfall amounts, latitude, proximity to water sources, plate techtonics and a lot of other factors. In VGL you can have a forest next to a desert next to a snowy mountain next to a beach next to a volcano with a very distinct line between each one with no transition between each biome. Also each biome has misplaced wildlife that for some reason are there despite being in the wrong environment, like penguins in the snowy mountain and giant worms at the desert. That's a very strange world.

- Glitchy characters, places, and items. In real life you're probably not gonna run into a glitched out human or a glitched out house or be able to duplicate items out of thin air. Yet in video games this happens all the time; you can run into a 10' glitchy behemoth by watching the old man catch a Wurmple and go to the Far Lands just by walking in a straight line for 12.8 kilometers. There are rules governing each game, and when these rules are broken in some way via an exploit or a game shark you get these glitchy effects. Gosh it would be awesome if that happened in real life.

- Kitchen knives. What is with those things? Alternately why are Chocobos indestructible?

That's some of the more obvious ones, but there's a lot more weird things in video games that don't make any sense when applied to real life.

- summons that destroy 90% of the solar system, but do next to nothing to your party

Well if you count losing 7/8ths of your HP, being poisoned, silenced, and being turned into a frog as next to nothing. Apparently solar radiation does have an effect on you when it's 5 feet away from your person.

 

[Megan]

Well if you count losing 7/8ths of your HP, being poisoned, silenced, and being turned into a frog as next to nothing. Apparently solar radiation does have an effect on you when it's 5 feet away from your person.

Nothing a Ribbon and a Potion can't handle, right? ;)

 

[mew_nani]

Nothing a Ribbon and a Potion can't handle, right? ;)

Not if I get hit and die first!

Come to think of it why do final bosses always have these weird cosmic attacks that leave your party devastated? Sephiroth at least had it as a limit break but for Zeromus and the others there isn't much excuse.

 

[Lord Scalgon]

Elton John kills you.
Money kills you.
Going up kills you.

(I'll let others figure out this reference)

 

[Hi!]

 

[mew_nani]

Out of all the weird crap that happens in that universe, from kaiju emerging from the Grim and Frozen Knowlespole, to a temple shrinking down to a small sphere roughly the size of a Christmas ornament, to 30-foot cobras and dragons so fat they can't fly, to guys flying around in the sky with the aid of a single wing on their shoulder, you pick that. I am ashamed. :I

 

[Satoshi Ookami]

Less you wear, more sexy powerful you are.

 

[Hi!]

Out of all the weird crap that happens in that universe, from kaiju emerging from the Grim and Frozen Knowlespole, to a temple shrinking down to a small sphere roughly the size of a Christmas ornament, to 30-foot cobras and dragons so fat they can't fly, to guys flying around in the sky with the aid of a single wing on their shoulder, you pick that. I am ashamed. :I

I mean the Cloud sword spin is still out of place even with all that. That stuff is all like yknow, all part of the weird wacky wonderful world and suspension of disbelief and all that jazz, but this shit is like, even with the mako energy, like what are you made out of fucking reinforced steel or some shit?

 

[mew_nani]

I mean the Cloud sword spin is still out of place even with all that. That stuff is all like yknow, all part of the weird wacky wonderful world and suspension of disbelief and all that jazz, but this muk is like, even with the mako energy, like what are you made out of psyducking reinforced steel or some muk?

Well... he did survive being impaled through the heart twice, as well as surviving point blank explosions, nuclear blasts, being submerged in mako for years... He probably is made of reinforced steel, especially going by our standards.

But how is that the most ridiculous thing going on over there? There's blatant physics violations for Pete's sakes. :I

 

[Nolafus]

Less you wear, more sexy powerful you are.

 

[mew_nani]

In all fairness older vampires like Dracula in the original folklore were able to walk around in sunlight without any kind of negative effect other than being weakened until the sun went down, so maybe that rule applies here. The hood isn't doing squat though, as you can clearly see light pass through it onto her cheeks and nose.

 

[TY]

People instantly turning into Transport Boats when touching water... ITS MAGIC!

 

[Judge Mandolore Shepard]

Climbing to the top of a really tall tower allows the portion of the map that surrounds said tower to become unfogged.

Spearman somehow able to defeat a tank

 

[Talon]

These are just for League of Legends in general, and you'll only understand if you play
- Blinding Lee Sin
- Turning Malphite to a rock
- How Corki can move faster with boots
- Why Cho'Gath only needs one pair of boots
- How any ranged champion increases their damage with swords
- How people cut down big stone/metal towers with swords
- Minions in general

 

[Loriania]

Selling fruit, critters, seashells, etc. to a fox to buy leaves (furniture) or pay off your house loan.

 

[Leviathan]

-Frequently paying what could be considered ridiculous amounts of money to pay someone to teach you a move to get past an otherwise impassable obstacle
-Using small creatures to 'fly' to other destinations, yet larger creatures that seem fully capable of flight cannot accomplish the same feat.
-Hiding in haystacks or boxes or inbetween people sitting on a bench allows you to elude pursuers.
-Quick. Time. Events.