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Wanna

code zerro the deluge

I'm a boss.
  • 459
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl

    Ohx4


    I am getting older losing my swagger
    But I still sharp at throwing the daggers
    That girl walked by I go to go bag her
    She saw me I knew I had her
    Her constint stare like a lather
    So go go
    Pick up the flow
    So evil demons wont let me go

    Ohx4


    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl


    Ohx4


    No problems but she got issues
    Blow my nose but she'll steat and miss use
    Me and If I am here for eternity
    So bling bling
    Fast and furious
    After the big bang she still deleirous

    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl
    Wanna love you girl wanna love you girl


    Ohx4


    Phantom of Death I did it again
     
    What went wrong: You can do better. I've seen your earlier work and there's much more to it than this. One of my main problems was the constant and unecessary repitition. There's more of that than actual content. By the end, your repeated lines have lost all possible meaning and is nothing but mindless chanting. My second problem is the total lack of punctuation and the appearance of several easily avoided typos. It makes the entire thing a pain to read, along with an annoying reliance on approximate rhyme in several instances. What content is there also seems rather uninspired and dull to read. It's generic, in short. I don't detect any sign of emotion which is never a good thing, especially in a form that relies on the emotion and experiences of the poet/rapper. You can do better than this.

    What went right: ...The rhyming was competant for the most part...

    How to improve: Scrap it. There's nothing here but dross.

    Overall score: God, this is painful to do... 1/10
     
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