Warehouse explosion

[Ringtown'sBest]

My morning started off terrible, first i missed my meeting with my team (the midnight ghosts) plus my shower got back up overnight.So when i don't think things can't get worst, my pager starts buzzing, my commisioner fills me in on a S-rank mission.Here how it went: There's been evidence proving that your enemies (The Mist Four) has bought a new warehouse but it is no ordinary warehouse the mist four has been illegaly making weapons like a 1000-fire arrow cannon and a kunai bomb with a fatal poisonous after effect.And finally they have been toturing the villagers of the mist put a stop to it commisioner out.Well after responding to the commisioner i still needed to get a shower. So i solve the problem by getting my gear and then embarressed i walked in my underwear to the public shower. A few minutes later i left the shower and headed off to take care of the mist four. The sky started darkning by time i approached their warehouse it was pouring down rain. Thankfully the midnight ghost meet up with me there. Now we walked toward the gate when we were ambushed. Over 300 mist ninjas were there with swords and kunais in their hands. Me and the group started slaughtering every ninja out there.After three hours of fighting and slashing blood we managed to destroy the ninja army but that was only the beginning the mist four appeared and that was the beginning of the worst war in my history.Enraged i ran to their leader and i was brawling like a wild wolf chasing his prey. Midway through the battle my friend Brian in our group was killed when on of the mist four stabbed his double weilded sword through his heart. That was then my que to unleash my deadliest move ( the bang illusion wave).As soon as i shot the wave their leader John ran to the ware house and then did something very unpleasent. He went to the boiler room while i was letting out my rage and he placed a single kunai bomb in the room. then a few minutes later he went back out side continuing to fight me. Then he laughed and ignited the kunai with a snap of a finger. In desperation My group and i tried to run but the force of the explosion had caught up with us. Me and my group end up falling over 20 feet down a nearby cliff.
The good thing about the explosion was that the mist four had died during the explosion but the bad news was that barely alive was just me. My friends had been killed while falling down the cliff. With the rain still beating down hard, i hated to do this but without no choice i buried my friends in the moist soil at the base of the cliff then i was weak but i forcefully climbed up the cliff to get to safety.But as soon as i made it to the top i had passed out at the effort. Six days later i have awoken at the hospital with a series of injuries but the doctor advised me that in six weeks i will be out of here.So six weeks passed and i was released but when that pager rung again saying i have a mission to eradicate yet another group alone i think you get a hint of how terrible my life is fighting crime

 

[Feign]

My morning started off terrible, not only did I missed my meeting with my team (The Midnight Ghosts) but my shower got backed up overnight. So when I don't think things can't get worse, my pager starts buzzing, and soon my commissioner fills me in on a S-rank mission.

Here is how it went: There's been evidence proving that my enemies (The Mist Four) have bought a new warehouse, but it is no ordinary warehouse. The mist four have been illegaly making weapons like a 1000-fire arrow cannon and a kunai bomb with a fatal poisonous after effect. And finally they have been torturing the villagers of the mist to put a stop to it. commissioner out.

Well after responding to the commissioner, I still needed to get a shower. So I solved that problem by getting my gear ready and embarrassingly, I walked in my underwear to the public shower. A few minutes later I left the shower and headed off to take care of The Mist Four.

The sky started to darken. By the time I approached their warehouse, rain was pouring down. Thankfully The Midnight Ghost meet up was already there. Now we walked towards the gate, when suddenly we were ambushed. Over 300 mist ninjas were there, with swords and kunais in their hands. The group and I started slaughtering every ninja out there. After three hours of fighting and slashing blood we managed to destroy the ninja army, but that was only the beginning. The Mist Four appeared and on that day, began the worst war in my history. Enraged, I ran to their leader and ended up was brawling like a wild wolf chasing his prey.

Midway through the battle, my friend Brian in our group was killed when on of The Mist Four stabbed his double weilded sword through my friend's heart. That was then, my cue to unleash my deadliest move, (The Bang Illusion Wave). As soon as I shot the wave, their leader John, ran into the warehouse and then did something very unpleasant. He went to the boiler room while I was letting out my rage, and he placed a single kunai bomb in the room. Then a few minutes later he went back outside continuing the fight with me. Then He laughed and ignited the kunai with a snap of a finger. In desperation, my group and I tried to run but the force of the explosion had caught up with us. We ended up falling over 20 feet down a nearby cliff.

The good thing about the explosion was that The Mist Four had died during the explosion, but the bad news was that barely alive, I was the only one who remained was just me. My friends had been killed while falling down the cliff.

With the rain still beating down hard, I hated doing this, but without a choice I buried my friends in the moist soil at the base of the cliff. then i was Though weak, but I forcefully climbed up the cliff to get to safety. But as soon as i made it to the top I had passed out due to the effort involved. Six days later I had awoken at the hospital with a series of injuries. but The doctor advised me that in six weeks I will be out of here.

So six weeks passed and I was finally released. When that pager rang again saying I had a mission to eradicate yet another group, alone...

I think you get a hint of how terrible my life is, fighting crime

I'll assume this is a one-shot. Mistakes are in red. I highly suggest you use a word program... It will help a lot... Make sure to capitalize the I's.

Also you have quite a few continuity mistakes in this story, from the confusion with the shower thing to the inconsistency with fighting John. To fix these, I suggest rereading your story, and otherwise adding details.

Had this story had much more detail (and indeed dialogue), it would not only be more personable, but real. Right now you are just describing every event as though it passes in a flash...

Also you were writing in the past tense, be sure to stick with that through the whole fic unless a particular portion cannot use it. Be sure to also use the enter key to space things appropriately.

Otherwise this fic has potential, like I said, if you fix it up with more detail and dialogue.