"You're in love." (AAMayL; One-shot)

Skitty101

Crazed Advanceshipper!!
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    "You're in love."
    AAMayL; One-Shot


    Max sat alone fiddling around with his PokeNavi, nearby Ash and May were deep in conversation. Max felt so left out. 'Maybe coming along with May was a mistake.' Max thought to himself.

    He glanced up at the sky seeing in that there was nothing else better to do. He then saw something amazing; he saw a beautiful bird Pokemon fly across the sky and it wasn't any ordinary Pokemon, either.

    "Hey, guys! I just saw a Legendary Poke-" He then realized Ash and May were too deep in conversation to hear him. He frowned hugged his knees. "I can tell that they like each other." He muttered.

    In a few minutes Max was fast asleep. He didn't even bother to set up his sleeping bag. He just slept there on the grass. May came over to him with a warm smile on her face.

    She walked away coming back with a sleeping bag. She set it up. And gently lifted up Max careful not to wake him up putting him inside the sleeping bag. She took off his glasses kissing his on the cheek. She went back to Ash; who was warming up by the fire.

    "Hey, Ash." She greeted. "Hi." Ash replied. "So where's Max?" "He was sleeping on the grass; I just came over and put him in his sleeping bag. Hopefully he doesn't catch a cold." May explained.

    "Ya know." Ash started. "Huh?" May wondered.
    "I was kinda hoping that Max wouldn't come along with us. Not to be rude or anything but I just wanted it to be…just you and me." A blush started to form on his face.

    May grinned. "I was hoping the same thing, too."

    "I think I'm sick or something. I don't know why but when I met you my heart started to beat really hard."

    May blushed; She knew where this was going. He had a crush on her. And she felt the same.

    "Don't worry. I betcha anything you're not sick. You're in love."

    Ash was taken aback by all this. But he knew it was true, he did love May.

    "Yeah, right. It was probably your perfume." Ash stated.

    "Uh, Ash…I don't wear perfume." May pointed out.

    Ash sweat dropped. "Okay, I admit it! I love you, May!!" He said pulling his hat down his face. "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know the definition of the word…love." May exclaimed sarcastically. "Oh, really." Ash smirked.

    May suddenly sprung her arms around Ash's neck. "Oh, Ash! I'm only kidding!" Ash smiled. The two of them stared into each other's eyes. Soon they were deep into a kiss.

    Fin

    Short I know. ^_^; What do you expect it was a one-shot!
     
    Shouldn't one-shots be long instead of short? I am not an Advanceshipper (because I'm a contest and a pokeshipper.) Even if I was an Advanceshipper I'd still disapprove of this. You rushed in so incredibly quickly for a shipping fic. I expected more of you. rating:4.7/10.0.
     
    Ehh...yeah, pokemaster7 basically covered my sentiments (Although I'm more of a frantic-/socioshipper myself. xD). A good one-shot (Unless incredibly well compressed) is always longer than your average fanfic chapter because it has to cover the whole plot in one go while still making sure that it doesn't look rushed. Unfortunately, your laziness during the writing process is showing...badly. -.- Did you even stop to think up a plot or did you just sit down feeling shippy and type whatever came into your head? :\ It's always a good idea to plan the plot beforehand, and even after you've written your chapter/one-shot it's always beneficial to let it cool for a while then come back and read it over again to correct problems with logic, plot/character development, pacing, or grammar and spelling before you post.

    Pacing is also your main problem here. I mean, they're all just settling down one evening when Ash and May spontaneously decide to make out under the stars? o.O I'm sorry, but it's going to take a bit more than that to convince a non-advanceshipper about this coupling. Sure, you might know what Ash and May look like, what kind of people they are, and what kind of things they have been through together, but not everyone does. In fact, I for one haven't watched more than a couple of the advance generation episodes and don't really know a thing about what makes them the 'perfect' couple that many advanceshippers call it. Think about it, what would you rather do? Write something quick that might please some random advanceshipper who comes waltzing in but will leave just about everyone else cold or a touching, well-made fic that converts unsuspecting readers into faithful shipping supporters?

    Start out slow, describe the initial setting for the reader. They're both young, so where's their early-teen awkwardness about this subject? Ash for one doesn't strike me as much of a romantic and certainly wouldn't have an easy time admitting to being in love. (I mean come on, he couldn't even come clean about his feelings for Misty even though they had been travelling together for ages) Romances like this are a delicate subject, so treat them with a bit more finesse than a sledgehammer, m'kay? It would probably be a good idea to add some actual plot content aside from the romance, it doesn't have to be anything grandiose, just something to keep it from getting overly sappy. A big contest/battle...some kind of special event or celebration (Lots of room for shippy bits there, and a handy way to get the others out of the way. ^_~)...you get the idea. Then work in some cute scenes here and there, awkward moments, maybe some memories of shippy moments earlier, and certainly a whole lot of emotional description (It's the heart and soul of shipping fics). At times you could switch perspectives (E.g. First Ash then May, first narrator, then Ash/May...something like that.) to give different views of the situation (You know, the kind of stuff that makes readers want to scream "Come on you dunce, 'fess up!" when they know that the feeling is mutual but neither party has the courage to make the first move. xD) and just...well, just give it time, really. Relationships are not created in minutes. That's called a fling, and is not very shippy at all. xP
     
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