View Full Version : The Breakout

Dark Jay
March 15th, 2008, 1:35 PM
Heyy people,

I haven't written Fan Fiction now for ages. I may be rusty, but I just thought I might give it another shot. I've written the prologue so far. Please comment!


Vault 17 exploded and Gerard’s fears were suddenly realized. The Pokemon exited the vault slowly, and was now heading towards him! Gerard shouted at the top of his lungs for anybody who may still be alive. No answer. He shook his head in disbelief as the Pokemon’s arm extended towards him. His back was against the wall, and there were just seconds left for him. He prayed that this would all be over, but praying wouldn’t help him. It was too late. The Pokemon came in contact with Gerard, and he knew no more. His petrified body was now lifeless, and it fell to the floor. The Pokemon from Vault 17 was free, and the world would never be the same again.

Sorry if my grammar's a bit off. I don't write much these days, so I don't use it much.

Chapter 1 coming soon!

-- Jay.

March 15th, 2008, 5:07 PM
That's a good start! It's interesting and mysterious. Your grammar seems fine to me, except that part "...and there was just seconds left for him." I think it should be "were" instead of "was," since it's talking about the seconds. But it's good so far! Keep writing! ^_^