Flareon and the Quest for Drifloon

Here is the Prologue

Advice

Please, please change your story from now on to simple old normal font. Pink is very distracting in some layouts, and unreadable in others!

Another tip is to not space every single sentence; if you need to do that to make the chapter look bigger, simply write more of the chapter before submitting it. Try adding description. What do the characters look like? What about their surroundings? Not everyone will have heard of Floarama Meadow or whatever. Is it sunny, partially cloudy, etc? Midday? Also, knowing the days of a week and the exact minutes is a rather human thing. Why not put it in more pokemon terms?

'There were few times that Drifloon appeared. One day every seven sunsets it appeared, before disappearing once more for many more sunrises.'

And what is with the whole 'you only have enough spirit to be a Vaporeon' and so on? Why does she want to find a Drifloon so badly? Why are her siblings acting like that? You need to make motives behind their wordings more clear, here. Having to explain things outside of a story is bad, since the story is supposed to tell those things.

Something like that.

I agree, but you shouldn't make her siblings so harsh

No. No, no no no NO. Oh...honey. The pink, like said, is distracting. Change that.

That's it! I'm sick of this! I have to find a fire stone, and evolve then go back to my siblings who think I'm so unworthy! Flame thought.

She then saw a Purugly.

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What? A Purugly just appeared from out of the blue. Why? And why are these siblings so mean? Jolteon I can understand, but Leafeon? Leafeon being mean? I find this very strange, as Pokedex entries on it say nothing about Leafeon being hostile, even to their siblings.

"BUT! There is one pokemon that has a Fire Stone. It lives in a 10 floor dungeon. The 11th floor is the max floor. The pokemon is.. Mewtwo..."

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...

No. It's turning into a PMD fic. Unexpected and random.

By the way, because there is no description, what can I assume Eevee, Leafeon, Jolteon, and Purugly look like?

And why does this little Eevee want to see a Drifloon? What does Floaroma Meadow look like? Valley Windworks? And how did it go from 'Drifloon appears in Floaroma Meadow' to 'I have to get to the works'.

"Oh yeah. Little Eevee? Why were you named Flame? Every one knows you only have enough spirit here to be accepted as a Vaporeon." Razor added.

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What? You know, that could be good, but it'll only be good if you elaborate why she only has enough spirit to be a Vaporeon.

Also, this is very short. Verrrrry short. I also recommend reading the stickies in the lounge. And also, take this thing off center. Just keep it left aligned.

And no, I'm not here to bash your fic. Just constructive criticism. We all have to take it sometime.

As Satoshi_Red stated, the pink fonts, center-alignment, and a line for every sentence don't do anything but make it hard for some readers to see it and distract most readers easily. It's generally best to stick with normal font, left alignment, and to have it types in paragraphs, unless your work is a poem or there is a small section that deserves special notice, like a dream or flashback for example.

There are a few problems with your plot. Why does Flame want to find Drifloon? Just the fact that it's rare doesn't really pass for a good reason. I would understand if the main character were a trainer, or if Flame was looking for a legendary Pokemon, but there is really a lack of reason in the purpose of her search for it. You could still write your fic about an Eevee searching for Drifloon, but you need to back Flame's quest up with a good reason. For instance, say she heard Drifloon grants wishes, or that it could give her the Fire Stone she's always wanted, or something else a bit more original than either of those thoughts.

Another similar problem is the motive and personality of Flame's siblings. It's perfectly understandable for older siblings to belitter their younger siblings, but the way you present their attitudes toward Flame is kind of off. What does Razor and Shock believing they are "awesome" have to do with their sister going to the 'works? Their replies have nothing to do with Flame's arguments, and they don't reaslly do anything to make her run away except for taunting her. They could be used and presented in a better manner as antagonists, is all I'm saying.

Also, I'm not quite agreeing with this sudden Mystery Dungeon element you've thrown in. Now a little unevolved Eevee is suddenly going to face the legendary-powerful Mewtwo for a Fire Stone? There are several logic holes here. How does Purugly know Mewtwo has a Fire Stone? Why would Mewtwo randomly have this stone? And why Mewtwo in the first place? It would make more sense over all to scrap the idea of using such an overpowered Pokemon and replace Mewtwo with a different Pokemon altogether. I'm not saying you should make it a terribly weak Pokemon that Flame could defeat easily, but you could use an evolved Pokemon that's clearly "stronger" than Eevee, just not as powerful as a legendary. If you do use legendary Pokemon when they are not the main focus of your story, they are best left for the final chapter(s) or later parts when climax and conflict are important. In the beginning, right when the story starts, it just makes the story seem rushed and the main character (assuming you were about to have Flame go and defeat Mewtwo for her Fire Stone) way overpowered.

This story seems like it needs a bit more description as well. Never once did I see anything truly descriptive. All that the reader can visualize is that the meadow is flowery. You should show us in your writing what the characters look like, what they are doing, how tehy are acting, how they are feeling... Every little aspect you can come up with, to make your fic as lifelike and realistic as possible. That's what makes a fanfic stand out, and it gets readers hooked and interested.

Well, I'm done with my review... Keep in mind this is constrictive critisism, not a rant bashing your fic for the sake of being rude. Try to apply the advice your reviewers give you so you can make your fic better and constantly improve. ... Now I'm done. :P