The legends of Helfi

This is my first fan fiction so I don't know what it will be like although I have read it through.<=).

Chapters:
1) Helfi
2) Dread
3) Help

All the chapters so far and all one page on microsoft word, so enjoy =D!


"Don't make me call you again!" Shouted a cross mum.
"I'm up already." Came a muffled reply. Sam Frimn lived with his mum, Tracey, and two sisters Ruby and Cora. Sam was 16, had short brown curly hair, was quite tall and had emerald green eyes. He had his own Pokemon, a Turtwig. It had a brown back and green under-belly, with a green head, a brown bottom lip and sapphire blue eyes. It had a small green tail and Sam had nicknamed it Saphira. He was the strongest trainer in his class and was very closely bonded with Saphira. His younger sister Cora was going to be 16 today. She had medium length brown hair, azure blue eyes and wore a green top and blue jeans. Ruby had long black hair and hazelnut brown eyes. She wore a ruby red t-shirt and brown jeans. Sam slugged his way to the bathroom and slowly turned on the hot tap. As the sink was filling up he released Saphira and then turned off the tap. As he added soap he put his hand in to mix it around and jumped back with a yelp of surprise from the heat. Turning on the cold tap he picked up Saphira and gave her a hug Saphira returned the gesture with a nudge on the cheek. Sam laughed. He turned of the tap and tested it again, just right for Saphira. He put her in.

He washed Saphira with her favourite soap, picked her out and wrapped her in her special towel that was green and had pictures of Turtwig on.
"Hurry up!" Called Tracey as Sam was getting dressed. He put on an orange T-shirt with a picture of a Turtwig on the front and Chimchar and Piplup on the back. His blue jeans were scuffed at the ends and his belt held six pokeball spaces. He put Saphira's ball in the first pocket. When dressed he headed downstairs carrying Saphira and put her food in her bowl.
"It's about time," said Tracey.
"I had to wash Saphira!" Sam retorted, gesturing towards her.
"Well, I made you your favourite brekkie; Fried eggs with tomatoes, fried bread, beans and bacon." She plopped it down on his plate and continued cooking. Cora and Ruby looked at Saphira and Cora asked,
"Can I open my present early?"
"Now, you know the tradition, no opening your presents until you are officially 16 Cora." replied mum still busy with the cooking. Sam smiled; knowing that the first present she would open would be the pokeball shaped one. As Sam left with Ruby and Cora for school, he wondered, "Should I let Saphira out?"
Behind him, Cora and Ruby knew what he was about to do as Saphira appeared with a burst of red light. "Turtwig!" Shouted a relieved Saphira, happy to be free. As they got too school Aiden, Sam's best friend, was there waiting. Aiden was dressed in a yellow t-shirt with an Eevee on that had brown fur and a cute smile. Aiden also wore coal black jeans with scuffed up ends and holes in the knees. Aiden had also received a Turtwig as well but his was called Gladr. He also had a Shinx with a yellow body, black tail with a yellow star on the end, a black head with a yellow snout. Aiden had called it Shruikan.

Dread

"'allo Sam." Said Aiden greeting Sam. "where's Cora today? I got 'er a present."
"Just beh---"Sam stopped as he saw no one was behind him. Cora had vanished but Ruby was in the playground with her friends.
Panicking Sam shouted "CORA!!" When no reply came and after several minutes running the situation through in his head, he said to Saphira "Can you find any scents or trails of Cora, Saphira?"
" Come on out!" Aiden shouted. Red light flashed, Shruikan and Gladr came out and attracted the attention of all the school kids on the playground, wondering what had happened.
" Help Saphira you two." Aiden ordered and Shruikan and Gladr went with Saphira. An hour and a half passed before the Pokemon returned and when they did Aiden and Sam followed closely behind them ready to react if someone jumped out at them.
They came to a street full of dirt and graffiti and guessed that this was Dread Close. It was a horrible street to come down with rubbish bins knocked over spreading litter and Rattata that were rat like Pokemon with grey/purple backs and white under-bellies scuttled around the area. Creating the foulest stench you could ever smell were Grimer, Pokemon that looked like purple sludge. They stood no chance of finding Corra on their own. They turned to see an old lady gesturing for them to go to her and she said
" Don't give up boys. Come with me, I'll fix you a nice mug of hot cocoa and you can ring your parents, tell them what's happened." The boys followed her home and returned their Pokemon.
" Ermm..." Sam hesitated. " Ok. We must find her." Sam finally concluded.
" Yes, we must get her back." Aiden replied "I.... I love her" He added, reluctant to say as Sam did not know and it made him feel embarrassed.




Help

Once they had finished their cocoa and spoken to their parents, they sat down in the old lady's living room and said,
"I know something that might help you. Once long ago, Sinnoh and Helfi were joined regions, but, at the beginning of time, two Pokemon were formed. Arceus and Zeceus. Total opposites, in fact, so much so that they couldn't live together. So they decided to split Sinnoh and Helfi in half. You know Mt Trail, well; Zeceus lives at the top, but you need an Emerald Flute to find him. And another thing, it will not help you lightly; you need to prove your worth to it. Be sure to have trained your Pokemon well because it is very strong."
"Whoa!" The boys exclaimed " That could really help, because, it could help us attack Cora's kidnappers." Aiden said with enthusiasm.
"I agree." Said Sam.
"Errm, hang on boys. Haven't you forgotten something?" Said the old lady holding a box decorated with emeralds all around the middles and swirls of gold silver and bronze fused together. She opened the lid and the boys gasped, lost for words.
"That boys, is the emerald flute. But the only way I'm giving it to you is if you can prove you are ready. Draw your Pokemon and step outside."

As they did so, Saphira noticed something that caught her eye. It was a pokeball decorated with funny stickers.
"Turtwig!" Cried Saphira intrigued.
"Hunh?" Said Aiden in puzzlement and turned round. Aiden saw the Pokeball and asked
"What is that?"
"Those are seals. You put them on your pokeball and they make patterns as your Pokemon is sent out. Can't get 'em around here though, only can get them in Sunnyshore city in the Sinnoh region. Come on boys." Sam quickly returned Saphira and grumbled. He didn't like the idea of having a battle while his younger sister was missing.
"Aiden…" Sam asked "What level is you highest Pokemon?"
"Gladr is level 13. Why?"
"Well, Saphira is only level 12."
"We have no chance anyway." Aiden replied in the most reassuring way as he could.
"Come on boys." The old lady said once again.

No. Simple as that. You need to work on your fic BADLY! Spelling and grammar mistakes galore, not to mention your lack of description. Also, you forgot to include any form of introduction to your characters Cora, Shruikan, and Gladr. I'm sorry, but please work on it. This new region, whatever it was, I don't care, you never said he lived in it until towards the end, it is best to mention these things in the beginning of the story. Why did you include three chapters in one post? It was pointless. Not to mention it is hard to belive that each one was a whole page in MS word. Listen to me when I say the next few words. Descritpion, spelling, grammar. Work on them. Now. Like right now.

Pokefan4 said:

Sam had nicknamed it Saphira.

Click to expand...

Little bit here, you been reading certain books by Christopher Paolini lately?

Ahem.

Aside from having four chapters in one post, this is all the Great Wall of Texta, which is bad. When a new person is going to speak, hit enter twice.

Never type the number as 13. Type it out. (ex. thirteen, twelve, etc.)

Also, take a look through at the grammar stickies in the lounge. Add more description. What else can I say? -.-

-Silver

PS: Levels thirteen and twelve are not that much difference. Just because someone is behind by one level, maybe even a few more, doesn't mean they don't have a chance.