I'm Surrounded by Friends, Yet Why Do I Feel So Lonely?

I'm Surrounded by Friends, Yet Why Do I Feel So Lonely?
A one-shot fanfiction by: Kit (a.k.a. Pikataro)
Rated: PG for some language

Where am I? Oh yeah. I'm living in the Eterna Forest now. This is my new home. But wait! Where is she? Why isn't she with me? Who are these strangers? What am I doing here without her??? I woke up, startled. "That nightmare... Again..." I muttered as I went back to sleep.

I wasn't too great a Piplup. I was kind of small for my age, and a tad weak. I really didn't want to change my form, although I knew there were plenty Piplups out there that did. And besides, my friends liked me the way I was currently. Why should I change? My friends... They were first strangers, but were now my friends... I thought of that nightmare I continued having. How I was here with all these strangers. How I was here, but she wasn't. That nightmare followed me everywhere; I just couldn't shake it off!
"Hey! You're up, eh?" a voice chirped from outside the den.
"Come on outside, chipa!" A different voice... Seeing how my friends wanted me outside, I waddled outside of my room and stepped out into the light...

"Happy birthday, Pipli!" my friends exclaimed happily as they picked me up and threw me high up into the air. I had almost forgotten it was my birthday!
"Hey, guys! Stop it!" I laughed merrily. They put me down, then backed away so I could have some space.
"So, what do you wanna do now, birthday boy?" my closest friend, Ambi, asked.
"Um... I don't actually know. Can I think about it?" My friends all nodded in unison, and I waddled away to a quiet, empty space. It's been a few years now, huh? I thought to myself. Within a month, it'll be the anniversary of... my mother's death... Tears started to well up in my eyes.

My mother was always there for me. When I called for her, she always came to my aid. She never let me down. She was a proud Prinplup, she was. But then, my son-of-a-b*tch father came along, and, even though my mother was much weaker than him, he killed her. I saw it through my very own eyes. Then, he glared at me threateningly, and marched off into the cold, endless night. He left me. He killed my mother, my most favorite Prinplup of all time, and left me. Was it something I did wrong? Why did he do such a thing? Why? I had always thought these questions over when I went to bed. Those thoughts haunted me, and I had to cry myself to sleep for practically every night. Then, Ambi the Ambipom came along, and decided to let me stay with her for a while. I gladly accepted. Since then, I had been living with Ambi along with my other friends, including Pachi the Pachirisu, Ello the Shellos, Star the Staravia, and Bun the Buneary. Ambi has a good heart, and always looks out for others. Pachi is a tad immature, but she means well. Ello is a beautiful blue, and although blue can be a sad color, he always looks so happy. Star is stubborn, but she has a heart of gold. And Bun... She's a bit on the rough side, but she's calm around her friends. They were always there to watch over me, but what did I do to deserve such kindness? Why is it that I'm surrounded by friends, but feel so lonely at the same time? Is it because the most important living being on the entire face of this earth has been taken away from me? Is it because my son-of-a-b*tch father abandoned me? Too many questions... Not enough answers...

"Hey! Pipli! you alright?" Ambi's voice called from behind the tree I was sitting against. By then, I realized I was sobbing.
"I-I'm OK!" I sniffled as I headed back to the group.
"Hey, what's wrong, chipa?" Pachi asked with a worried look.
"N-nothing..." I looked down at the ground and tried to make the tears go away.
"Well, something must be the matter..." Ambi said sadly.
"Yeah... You look like you've been crying pretty hard there, eh?" Star added.
"You-you're right. I had been crying. B-but... It's nothing, really." I suddenly burst out in tears again, unable to contain them. I felt the big, puffy arms attached to Ambi's tails embrace me.
"It'll be alright, don't worry Pipli," Ambi reassured me. I coughed a bit, then calmed myself down. It's alright, I thought. I have these guys with me. They're my family now...

After a while, the party ended, and my friends let me go off to think more about that past. Mother, are you watching me from above? Are you happy that I have such good friends? Are you watching over them too? I hope I'll be able to see you again soon. I used to feel lonely, even when around these guys, but now I think I'll be just fine... I began crying again, but only softly this time.
"Pipli..." a voice. But not any of my friend's voices. It sounded... nostalgic...
"Mother?" I quietly asked.
"You're a good boy, you know that Pipli?" the voice seemed to fade away.
"Mother! No! Come back!" I sputtered, the tears starting to increase.
"Don't worry, Pipli. I'll be watching over you - and your friends - in heaven..." Utter silence. You could hear a leaf drop a yard away.
"Mother..." I whimpered silently to myself, as I got up and waddled back to where my friends were... Never again will I feel alone. Never...

Please comment! I don't want anything insults; criticism is fine as long as it isn't mean! I've had a bit of writer's block for some time, and I've been trying to break it, so...

cute, I liked it. maybe one of the best oneshots I've ever seen

I have had some experience with one-shots and the first thing I must say is that it is somewhat short.
This is the biggest issue I have had to deal with to date, so don't feel bad.
On the bright side, your Grammar and Spelling were extremely good for someone's first posted fanfic here. Most don't come close to this level for awhile.

There are two ways to handle the length of your story that fit.

One would be to describe each Pokemon briefly.
You can tell from names what the Pokemon are, but not all people reading may necessarily know what a Pokemon is. I mean I could easily tell that the main character was a Piplup and that one of his friends was a Pachirisu. But there was no indication of gender or a slight description of each Pokemon to help paint the story. That and length are the only flaws I see.

Another way to handle length is to put spaces in between each person's sentence(s) of dialog. This helps to make the story seem more organized and less "smushed" together.

A friendly suggestion: Put Piplup's moms words in italics. This expresses that the main character is hearing this in his own mind, and his mind only. Also adds to the "magic" of the moment.

You may also want to bold the title and move the two things that are under the title, into sentence form a "paragraph(/"2 enters")" above it. This helps it look more professionally done, and organized.

Not the best one-shot I have seen, but certainly the best one shot I have seen from a new member. ^^

Not the best one-shot I have seen, but certainly the best one shot I have seen from a new member. ^^

Click to expand...

Eh, thanks ^^ *daughter of an editor; I must have good grammar or ELSE*

Like I said before, I'm trying to cure my writer's block (which I probably got, say... after 6th grade). But I understand what you're saying, and will take your words into consideration.