• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

Salle's Johto Journey

2
Posts
15
Years
    • Seen Feb 5, 2009
    Author's Note: Although my username is 'Salle,' this is not a self-insertion.


    Salle's Johto Journey - Chaper 1​




    Salle kissed her mother on the cheek, sneaking a quick peek at her satchel and bedroll by the door. She leaned over and gave her father a hug. "I'll call you when I get there," she promised. Picking up her belongings, she left the house and walked out the door, determined not to look back.

    Salle was an 18-year-old graduate of the area's biggest public school. She had opted to stay in, because as much as she wanted to become a pokemon trainer, she knew early on that she wanted to have a good education to her name.

    It was foolish to study only pokemon training, she had decided. Salle wanted to know about other subjects like biology, math, logic, literature and history. All in all, she left Sinnoh with a well-rounded education, making Pokemon a hobby as she grew up, rather than a profession. Reading pokemon magazines by the fireplace in the bitter winter, she had dreamed of warmer the day when she thought it would be the best time to make her hobby into a real journey with a pokemon by her side.



    Salle took a train down to Kanto from Sinnoh. After arrival to Saffron City, she took a taxi to Viridian City. Her parents had agreed to pay for the transportation to Johto, but afterward Salle had decided to live on her own, without their support. This was not an issue of pride, but of practicality regarding her independence and motivation and planning for battling. It had been in question (at least to Salle) that she would be able that she would make a soft living battling other trainers for cash. It was a lot like betting on the Rapidash tracks. If you depended on figures and statistics as well as the opinions of other after previous study rather than hurrying in and relying on blind intuition, the chances of winning were better.

    With that in mind, Salle boarded a helicopter in Viridian City that would take her over the mountains past the Indigo Road and onto the other side of the Silver Mountains; she planned to spend the night on the lakeshore of Route 27, then taking a boat over the other shore in New Bark Town, where she would receive her first pokemon.

    As the helicopter rose from the ground and leaned over to the left, Salle looked at the pilot's pokeball ear muffs, and she thought about what she had left behind. Her parents and friends, three continents away, wanted her to succeed. Her father, who had never home much due to his profession, cared for her and was there for her as much as he could be. However, she had had a semi-normal childhood due to her mother's devotion to her home life. Salle's mother was a professional dance choreographer for several renowned plays and movies. After making a small fortune after a big break, she decided to take a break herself. As she matured, she told Salle one day, at that time she had wanted nothing more than to have a husband and a daughter. She got her wish soon enough, and Salle had tried her hardest to be a good daughter. As Salle grew up, her mother still worked freelance on the side.


    The reason that Salle's father was gone for long stretches of time was unknown to her in her younger days. When she was older, she was told by both her parents in a serious discussion that her father was a member of the Pokemon G-Men. A the society was made up of men and women who were sworn to the service and preservation of pokemon, humans, and the environment that they shared. People who were intiated to the duty ran this clandestine organization. The main function of the G-Men was to infiltrate from the inside branches of was termed Pokemon Organized Crime. At the time, the most targeted were the pyramid schemes headed by criminal masterminds that exploited pokemon for riches or power, and preyed on impressionable trainers to become grunts or henchmen. Salle had been shocked to discover it, but that had been years ago and she had begun to think of her father's position with both admiration and worry. Her father would do anything to protect pokemon, but he had always put his family first. Salle knew that she was a very lucky girl.



    Salle was also smart, though not always the smartest. She had common sense, good taste, and a rather good sense of judment, or so she liked to think. She was practical and methodical, though not always excelling in every skill. Salle earned her way through hard work and pure stubbornness. She didn't always get what she wanted, either, but she had turned out okay and was finally making her way in the world.

    Salle would have loved to be a great beauty, and she was still attractive in a way. Her best feature she shared with her father; clear black eyes and a level gaze. Her hair was long, and when she was younger, the only morning routine that worked for her mother before school had been placing her hair in two long braids that in retrospect she had later realized made her ears stick out. It didn't help that she had been different than most of her peers in school, due to her dark complexion and frizzy hair. A little on the tall side, she had towered over boys when younger and was for that was teased a great deal. Her hair she had previously thought to be the ugly dull black of a Murkrow's wing she always kept in long braids until she realized that she wanted to be taken seriously. Even now she carried lotions and products to keep her hair sleek, but on the road that may be a little difficult. Salle didn't like that.



    By the time she had thought all about this, and napped a little, the she was soaring over the highest peaks and the helicopter. It began its descent and finally stopped a short distance from the ground. The sound was deafening. She unbuckled her seatbelt, and pressed a tip into the operator's hand. When he nodded his thanks, she opened the slide door as instructed and jumped the few feet to the ground. The helicopter soared away, and Salle rubbed suddenly damp palms on the thighs of her skirt.

    Salle had decided on two outfits for her wardrobe. A pair of grey slacks and a white ruffled shirt to wear when she needed to make an impression, and a black one-piece dress, the hemline of which ended a quite a few inches above the knee. She wore black canvas shoes, which she realized belatedly that would get soaked in the dewy grass. She also wore a black biker's fingerless glove on her left hand, left over from her father's bygone days as the member of a cycling gang.


    Now she was ready to begin a new life. She knew no one, had very little money and scant provisions. Salle walked to the shore and began to set up camp. There was already a fire pit, for which she gathered a few big and small sticks in the dusk. By the time she'd gotten a fire started, it was dark. The flight across the mountains had taken quite a long time.



    Salle had chosen Johto not only because she would be anonymous, but also because it was a mainly unexplored region. She liked forests, and Johto had enough of those to satisfy a lifetime's fulfillment. Not only was Johto more rural, it was celebrated for being a tougher trek, full of neat pokemon and landmarks like the national park and Gyrados Lake.


    After staring into the fire for several minutes, something caught her eye in the woods. It looked like a tiny reflection on eyes. Salle thought it might be a Mankey, but she then recalled that Mankeys could not be found in that area. Murkrow, maybe? Thought Salle. She was tired after the long ride in the helicopter and finally took out her bedroll and stuffed some moss in her leather satchel for a pillow. It was a little uncomfortable, but Salle told herself she had better get used to it, because she would travel light. With that last thought, she drifted to sleep. The last thing she saw were the embers of her dying fire.

    She woke up shivering. It was cold on the lakefront, but already Salle was excited. She loved the landscape, especially the dew in the grass on her now-wet feet and the fine mist that rose on the lake. The cold was almost invigorating to her in a way that the city fog in Sinnoh never had been. After she wrapped her blanket snug around her shoulders, she placed a call to New Bark Town's operator from her cell phone, explaining that she needed a boat to take her across the shore to the mainland. The operator routed the call and a man answered, saying he would pick her up in two hours. Salle walked around in the sand, adding a gritty layer of it to her already wet shoes. She cautiously poked her head in the woods a few times, but saw no pokemon. Finally, the little motorboat driven by a man in a typical Sailor's outfit bumped against the shore. Salle sloshed through the shallow water and stepped aboard. The boat made its way across the lake. Looking over the side, she saw many schools of Magikarp, a lone Qwilfish, and what looked like an infestation of Tentacool. She was thankful that she saw no Tentacruel, though. She was afraid of them.


    Soon enough, the motorboat reached a small wooden pier. Salle stepped onto the deck and thanked the sailor. He had dropped her off in the warehouse district. She walked past a number of dreary gray buildings, following the directions the sailor had given her. Finally, she reached the town proper. The town was the smallest group of buildings clustered together that she had ever seen in her life. She was surprised it could even be called a town.

    She walked past a few houses and immediately recognized Elm's lab. It was a different architectural style than the houses around it, newer and somewhat shinier. It was surrounded by a few Pineco trees. Salle devoutly hoped she wouldn't run into one of those pokemon. It would cut her journey very short. She suddenly remembered that her hair must be an absolute disaster after sleeping on a plant-filled bag. Putting her face up the reflective panel on the front of the entrance door in the nearest warehouse, she groomed her hair until she at least looked presentable. From what she'd heard of Elm, however, he wouldn't notice a thing about how she looked. About to step away from her makeshift mirror, a shock of color in an unnatural shade of red caught her eye. Knitting her brows, she squinted at the reflection for a better look.

    A male of short stature whom Salle first took to be a Youngster crouched under a Pineco tree next to a window. Unlike a typical Youngster, however, he carried a shiny set of instruments, a few of which he poked several times into the open window. Salle thought nothing of it. He was probably from the electric company or had come to read the water meter. Nonetheless, he was the first person she had seen in Johto, so she walked up to him cautiously. "Hello there," she greeted. "I'm new to Johto. My name is Salle and I—"



    He shoved her straight onto her bottom and ran off. The breath exploded out of her, because she wasn't expecting such a blow that early in the morning, much less at all. That felt like a Rhydon's body slam attack, she thought angrily. She turned to shout at him, but he was already gone. He had left behind his instruments. Salle purposely didn't look at them and walked into Professor Elm's lab defiantly. Crossing her arms, she took a look around. Past two bookcases piled high with thick books and an array of disorganized files, sat Professor Elm himself, surrounded by an equally messy piles of papers on his desk. He sat staring at the screen of his computer, which was glowing blue before him. His nose was only inches away from the monitor. She walked toward Johto's pokemon professor.



    "Professor Elm?" asked Salle. "Is that you?" For a moment, she didn't think he heard her. Then suddenly he leapt away from his seat as though he thought it would bite him. "Hello, young lady," he said, pushing his round rimless glasses up his nose with an index finger. "You must be Salle."

    "Yessir," she replied automatically. "Do you…have a pokemon for me?" she prompted. He seemed a little hesitant. Much to her surprise, Professor Elm looked down and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the tile floor. He seemed to have something to conceal. "Here," he said finally. Salle followed him to a back room at the end of a long hallway. They had already stepped inside before she realized something was wrong."

    A thin layer of smoke and a singed scent lingered around the room. At the very farthest corner, Salle realized the source of destruction. A Cyndaquil the size of a small Growlithe rose to its hind legs and had begun flaming upon the entry of the two humans. Salle blanched. Was this to be her pokemon?

    Elm caught her look. "I could ask no one else," he explained. "All of our starter shipments for the last two months have yielded…unexpected pokemon. And we have had to send them away so far—we don't have acres upon acres of land like Oak's Pokelab." Elm scowled. Salle took this to be a sore point with him and stayed quiet. "We don't have Oak's resources. I couldn't ask anyone else." When Salle didn't say anything, he added, "Really."



    "Well," Salle said optimistically. "Let's meet my pokemon." Walking toward the Cyndaquil, Salle saw what had to be done. The pokemon was plainly filthy. Adding to its rather pudgy appearance, he was huge and albeit his size, didn't appear to be very aggressive. In fact, it looked at her with something like resentment in its beady eyes.

    Salle knew at once she'd have to bathe it somehow. There was no way it could go into battle smeared with soot without reflecting poorly on her ability as a trainer to anyone with half an eye. It lay on its side, inert, and was attempting and succeeding at staring down his new trainer with a gaze that conveyed that it was absolutely disgusted with her. In her inattention, she realized belatedly that Elm had left her alone with it.

    Rather than roll her eyes and leave, Salle rubbed her palms together, thinking rapidly.

    She would have to take a whole new approach to her future training. Also, she was horrified that in her longing to be a trainer, she had never considered that she'd have to raise such a clearly troubled creature. What's worse, it wasn't even her first choice!



    Salle walked toward the pokemon. "Hello," she greeted, cringing inwardly at the lameness of her greeting. "My name is Salle, and I'm looking—" she stopped mid-sentence and had to skip backwards a few steps. The Cyndaquil had abruptly turned its back to her and begun flaming intensely. A new wave of heat washed over the back room. She resolved never to introduce herself like that again.

    Glancing at the floor, she saw food and water dishes overturned. "Are you hungry?" Salle asked. She had to raise her voice a little to make sure that it had heard her. There was no perceivable response. Resigned, she slipped back into the main area of the lab. Elm was nowhere to be seen. Salle thought briefly of calling her parents and telling her that someone was playing an awful joke on her when she stopped and gathered her bearings. Taking a deep breath, she faced the truth.

    She could have to raise the thing. All by herself. Somehow, she had to teach it to respect her, and how to battle. Also a few things like manners and how to keep itself clean to start with. It would be a long and tedious journey if she didn't go about it properly. She hoped she wouldn't have to physically drag it along with her. She probably couldn't manage more than a few feet. She would have to deal with its fire, because that was clearly his way of taking control of a situation. Also, she had never read about or heard in her life about anyone who had to raise a deviant, rude, lazy, filthy pokemon. She was angry, and also scared for it. No one would take it but her.


    Fine, thought Salle. Fine. I started this journey, and I'll surely finish it. I don't have to like it, but my father raised me better than to abandon a pokemon in need. He had an acute sense of duty to me, so I have to have something like that for this nasty thing, she thought with disdain. I have to carry on his will and take care of this pokemon to the best of my ability. That's my job. And I'll do it right.
     
    Last edited:

    delongbi

    I C U
    161
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • First grammer stuff:

    It had been in question (at least to Salle) that she would be able that she would make a soft living battling other trainers for cash.

    Um... not quite sure what you are trying to say, but there are too many thats.

    And that's it. So good job on the grammer!

    Now to other things.

    Big paragraphs = hard to read.

    I know this is the very beginning, so we need the background information, but I would try to split it up whenever possible.

    Also, a note on your writing style. You start a lot of sentences with "she" or "Salle" and the sentances are often pretty short. Try mixing up things by using different words and making uniquely structured sentances... if that makes sense.

    To the actual story:

    You have great description and background information.

    It's really hard to tell if your plot and characters will be good because this is only the first chapter. Right now, it does not seem extremely original, but really, do not take that to heart because this is only the first chapter and I don't know what else you are planning.

    Overall: Good actual writing, but lacks... excitement is maybe the word.

    Anyway, not an aweful start. Keep at it!
     

    Elite Overlord LeSabre™

    On that 'Non stop road'
    9,895
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Yay, I decide to get off my lazy rear and review a fic!

    A few grammar/wording issues I found (don't worry, there aren't very many at all)
    she had dreamed of warmer the day when she thought it would be the best time
    I'm a bit confused by this sentence. Perhaps you meant, "she had dreamed of a warmer day..." instead?

    and a rather good sense of judgment

    Murkrow, maybe? thought Salle.
    Firt, thoughts should be set off from the narrative. Most authors put them in italics. In any event, the "thought" doesn't get capitalized. I've written up a grammar guide that explains this grammar rule (It's under "quotations," but character thoughts are handled similarly.)

    Now for the rest of my (somewhat rambling) thoughts:

    Not a bad start. I like the fact that you've given your character an extensive background. It definitely shows that you've put a lot of thought into developing her character. But, as has been mentioned, it is a bit too much "info-dumping" right at the start. It's sometimes difficult, but you might want to see if you can find a way to casually introduce readers to her over the first couple of chapters instead of telling it all at once. Still, many readers don't even have this much background behind their characters, so this is a small issue, really.

    At least now I'm not the only one to have their character start their journey later because they wanted to pursue an education. It puts an interesting spin on things. On the one hand, Salle has more worldly experience and maturity, which will help her. On the other hand, she'll be among mostly younger trainers who just might show the older girl up. Some don't like the idea of an older trainer, but personally I find it interesting how the whole journey can change by being a few years older than the others.

    Overall, you've set up an interesting character, and there is definitely potential for this to become something great.
     
    2
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Feb 5, 2009
    Hey, thanks for the feedback, yo.

    I did have some grammatical errors because I'm typing from my Blackberry. Not fun, but I tried my best.

    As for "...warmer the day...I actually meant to write "...the warmer day when, ..." As you suggested.

    When Salle is thinking, I actually didn't set the text in italics on purpose. I think it looks stupid, but since people call me out on it, I will edit the post. I actually do have to study, but I promised myself if I worked on actual assignments for a few hours, I'd go back and fix the info-dumping. Also probably add a new chapter tonight. I hope I won't disappoint, because I've outlined the whole plot already. I will also add a 'hook,' and extend the revised story to include the pandemonium and interesting stuff from the next few chapters. I try to make my writing as perfect as I can, so I'll be editing and updating per suggestions. Thanks for the feedback and I hope I can catch your interest soon. Anyway I really appreciate your responses. You haven't seen the last of me xD.
     
    Back
    Top