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[Pokémon] Pokemon Shadowguard The XD Sequel!!!!!

Planetes.

@n_diiv
1,163
Posts
14
Years
    • Age 27
    • Seen Jun 6, 2017
    Okay well since NA got loooocked, I decided to start over with a different story, this time its not in script form. Basically this story takes place a year or two after XD in Kellygreen town, in western Orre, which is suprisingly lush, even though its near the desert. A new evil orginazation has arose and threatens Orre. Enjoy!

    Prologue:

    The three explorers walked in the tomb, there it was the Infinite Gem, said to awaken a Powerful Pokemon sealed away by the ancients. The Explorers did not seek the gem to awaken the Pokemon, they simply were going to examine it and put it in the newly built Orre History center in Phenac City. Then, two figures appeared behind them. The First was a girl with short silver hair, red lipstick, piering eyes, and a black coat. The second a man with Golden Brown hair, tan skin, a goatee, and jet black shades. He wore a jacket that was ripped in the middle and khaki pants. "Hand over the Infinite Gem" the woman said, "now." "Or what?" cried the lead explorer, as the others tried to shut him up to keep them out of danger. "Wouldn't you like to find out" said the man. Then two shadows in the shape of golems trdged up behind the two mysterious people. "Flash Cannon" commanded the womanl. "Stone Edge" the man beckoned.

    ---------------4 WEEKS LATER--------------
    Gortan, the mayor of Phenac City propped back his chair and sat down to read the morning news. "Explorers Still Missing" the front headline read, as Gortan Sighed.


    ---------CHAPTER 1-------------

    Luka hurriedly put on his clothes and rushed out of the house, his messy black hair getting blown by the wind. Whatever the professor wanted had to be quite important! His two partners, Verda, the Leafeon, and Blizz the Glaceon ran by his side. Luka got ready to burst through the door as it came into sight. BAM! The door opened so hard that it had smacked the wall, and Luka stood there with his had behind his head and a smile on his face. "Quite the entrance, Luka" joked Naps. Naps used to be a cipher peon, but now he usually helped Prof. Steel in the lab. "Oh, hello Luka" said Professor Steel, just noticing him. Professor Steel was a man in his 50's with glasses, and flat grey hair who was usually accompanied by his Skarmory, Knight. "So what's up, Professor?" asked Luka. "Well, I have a package that needs to get delivered to the ONBS in Pyrite Town, and I need you to take it there."
    "Alright" said Luka "I'm your guy".
    "Wait!" said Prof. Steel "Go find Lovrina, will you?"
    "What do I need her for?"
    "You need a chaperone, don't you"
    "I'm 13 years old, Professor Steel…"
    "What if you get defeated?" There are a lot of rogues in Pyrite Town, it wouldn't be good if one of them defeated you in battle and proceeded to mug the package off of you, would it?
    "I'm not going to get defeated, I've been training Verda and Blizz over at the Battle Station"
    "Well, Lovrina is the better battler, go find her. NOW."
    "Better Battler? She got her ass kicked by some 10 year old!"
    Professor Steel gave Luka a stern look, and he sighed and was off to find Lovrina. "Why do I have do find her" mumbled Luka as he kicked up some dirt. Luka walked a bit more, in his casual blue shirt and shorts and low and behold, there was Lovrina, acting like a retard, and riding her Meganium. "Hey Lovrina!!!" cried Luka. Lovrina hopped off Meganium. "What do you want, Luka?" she asked. "3 seconds before she gets all moody" Luka said to himself. "Well, you uh…gotta chaperone me to go deliver this package to pyrite town" Luka said. "I am so like, not wasting my time, like buzz off, Luka!" cried Lovrina. Luka promptly slapped his forehead. "Okay, well I didn't approve of this either, but Prof. Steel is making you chaperone me so we can go to Pyrite Town and deliver the package to the ONBS."
    "Ughh, whatever, let's go" groaned Lovrina. The two got on Lovrina's moped and drove off into the wilderness of Orre. Luka looked at the map, "Alright so we go past Petra Canyon and Phenac City and we'll be in Pyrite Town."
     

    ANARCHit3cht

    Call me Archie!
    2,145
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Sep 25, 2020
    What an eye-sore. You need to space it properly, double-tap enter between every paragraph. Also, when someone new starts talking, you start a new paragraph. It is a little lacking in length, on that note, you could add some description in parts. Describe the outside. You already said it was lush, but give more, did he pass any trees on his way to the lab? Also, it is a little, ehhh unoriginal that you used two Eevee evolutions, especially the two new ones, which are sorta like opposites. That is much like how Wes has Umbreon and Espeon...
     

    Planetes.

    @n_diiv
    1,163
    Posts
    14
    Years
    • Age 27
    • Seen Jun 6, 2017
    ^well I wanted to make it like the original Colosseum/XD games where you get eevee family pokemon.
    and I'll try to take your criticism to heart and make it better, and by space it properly do you mean double space?
     

    ANARCHit3cht

    Call me Archie!
    2,145
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Sep 25, 2020
    #1


    Luka hurriedly put on his clothes and rushed out of the house, his messy black hair getting blown by the wind. Whatever the professor wanted had to be quite important! His two partners, Verda, the Leafeon, and Blizz the Glaceon ran by his side. Luka got ready to burst through the door as it came into sight. BAM! The door opened so hard that it had smacked the wall, and Luka stood there with his had behind his head and a smile on his face.
    (notice the empty line here)
    "Quite the entrance, Luka" joked Naps. Naps used to be a cipher peon, but now he usually helped Prof. Steel in the lab.

    "Alright" said Luka "I'm your guy".
    (and here double tap enter)
    "Wait!" said Prof. Steel "Go find Lovrina, will you?"
    No, I mean more like the above.
     
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