Golden Sun: New Danger Arising

This is a mainly Golden Sun fic. I hope some of you have played the Golden Sun games, and if not, I'll do my best with the descriptions. First off though, I should give a bit of background.
PIers-Main Character
Age: Unknown
Affinity: Mercury/Water Adept
Description: A muscular guy of the ancient Lemurian race. He has long blue hair, light blue eyes, and a blue cape with symbols of his culture.
Personality: He is a calm, collected individual with the sole purpose of saving his people. He is noble and wishes only to live his life free of worry. He was part of Isaac and Felix's team to save Weyard. He is also quite secretive about his age as Lemurians age slower than humans.
Isaac-Supporting character
Age: Around 19
Affinity: Venus/Earth Adept
Description: He is a warrior who is very proud of his attire. He has brown hair and brown eyes .
Personality: He is usually the hero and plays the part well. He was never quite sure why he was chosen to save Weyard, but he took the chance and succeeded. He always looks at the brighter picture and is never negative.
Sheba-Same as above
Age: SAA
Affinity: Jupiter/Wind Adept
Description: She is a short girl with long blonde hair and purple eyes. SHe wears magician's clothing and is always seen with her staff.
Personality: she has become the girly girl of the team, always concerned about her looks, even in the face of danger. She can be quite a fighter though and enjoys sparring with Piers.
Jenna: SAA
Age: SAA
Affinity: Mars/Fire ADept
DEscription: She has short red hair, and dark red eyes. She is always in battle garments and has grown to dislike dresses.
Personality: Ever since Felix's disappearance in the beginning, she was hardened. She is quite the opposite of Sheba and enjoys nothing more that quick spars with her love Isaac.
Kraden-Short term character
Age: 70's
Description: He is an old man, white hair and all, who has become quite ill and hasn't been able to leave his bed.
Personality: Ever since becoming ill, he hardly speaks to anyone other than Piers, Isaac, Sheba, and Jenna.

As to the other characters, they will be revealed shortly
Also, please comment as it gives me ideas as to what to improve upon.

It had been 5 years since Sheba, Jenna, Isaac, and myself had seen Garet, Mia, Ivan, and Felix. That was at Kraden's funeral. It was a sad day, and did not go without a bit of violence. We encountered some trouble from a new clan of Adepts. They called themselves the Golden Adepts. They had powers from each of our cultures, even skills known only to a select few. We tried fighting them off, but we failed. They were aware of what we were going to do before we even did it. To my knowledge, there is no Psyenergy that allows mind reading. However, that's what they did.

We tried every possible combination of attacks, Ice, Fire, Wind, and even the grand power of the earth itself. Nothing, not even the power of the mighty god Isis was able to hurt them. We had just barely started to leave scratches when they decided it was time to leave. Before though, they gave us one final attack. They summoned forth a beast we did not know existed to Alchemy, the mighty god Anubis. When the smoke cleared, Vale was in ruins and Felix, Ivan, Garet, and Mia were gone. It has been quiet since then, and we have yet to stop looking. Currently, we are taking a side trip in Isumo, just north of my homeland of Lemuria.

" Piers," Asked Jenna," Why are we here?"

I sighed and said," We are here awaiting Donpa's escort to come by and pick us up. We can't reach Lemuria without the boat, which was sadly destroyed by those fiends." The very thought of them made me cringe with anger. They had destroyed what was slowly becoming my new home. I hated them!

Sheba noticed my anger and tapped me on the shoulder to try and distract me." Calm Down Piers," She whispered," we'll get them one day. And they will pay! I'm sure of it!"
She managed to calm me down a bit, but then out of nowhere, we heard screaming. It seems a stray herd of monsters had moved in from the sea and there was not one fighter left in Isumo.

" Piers," Isaac said, giving me a look.
I gave him a nod of approval and he went off to try and defeat these creatures. In this short time, I had become the group's leader. They seemed to think my age and wisdom would serve better than Isaac's. I personally thought Isaac should still be in charge, but they voted. It is what these people do.

" Hahahaha! Oh Piers! Come out and Play!" screeched a familiar voice.

" Oh no," Gasped Jenna as Isaac was thrown back inside." Who could have done this?"

" There's only one possibilty," said Sheba,'' The Golden Adepts!"

" NO!It's not them," I paused, unable to store my newfound data," It's Felix!"

Chapter 2-Bonds of Friendship Broken
" Sheba! Stay here with Jenna! Whatever you do," I said grabbing her shoulders," Don't go outside. No matter how much pain you may think I am in."

I ran outside to look at the face of my former friend. His hair was moving in the wind as it usually did, and he was wearing the same outfit he always did. Nothing about him had changed, except his eyes. Instead of a calm brown of a normal Venus Adept, they were burning with such rage, such anger. It was quite new for me to see in Felix's eyes. I admit I was almost afraid. I should be able to take him I thought.

" Hello Piers. It's been so long since last we talked. How have you been?" He laughed, and quickly stopped." It doesn't matter, soon you'll be dead. Then I'll go on in an take Sheba and Jenna. How is my dear sister after all? I haven't seen her in ages!"

" Why are you here and why did you hurt Isaac?" I asked angrily.

" He was in my way," he said calmly," As are you you filthy Lemurian! You have two choices, get out of my way, or die in a meaningless struggle to stop me. Choose!"

" I would rather die than let you through! Jenna and Sheba are innocent and you shall not harm them!" I yelled.

He merely laughed and cast Odyssey. I dodged it quickly and ran at him, sword in hand. Felix was always the worse swordsman, but today, it seemed the tables had turned. He easily dodged all of my blows and countered quickly, leaving nothing but dust in his trail.

" Piers, Piers, Piers," he said, nodding in disappointment," What has happened to your swordsmanship? I'm disappointed. Although, it should be easier getting rid of you now!"

He tried casting another Odyssey, but I quickly put up a barrier. He was so strong that my barrier was shattered in the process. AS shards of crystalline energy slashed my face and droplets of blood fell from my face, I asked him," Why are you doing this Felix?"

" Alex has convinced me of greater things. He has promised us all a better life. All he asks in return is the death of you and Isaac. And if that's what it will take for me and Jenna to be at peace, then so be it!"

" What about the Golden Adepts? Have you forgotten them? Do you honestly believe they will stop searching for you? They will not stop until they've killed us all and you know it," I said.

With one last Odyssey, Felix laughed and said," Piers, you are so naive...."

I was knocked out, and I hoped Sheba and the others had started running. We had spare potions and I knew them well enough to know they'd listen to me and Isaac when we say run. Now, all I could do was lie in the dirt, blood slowly making it's way down my face, and awaut their return.....

I really like this, "Golden Adept" concept, but the story is moving too fast and its hard to tell exactly what is going on. I would lke to know who these Golden Adepts are, because there are no descriptions of them and why are they terrorizing. But the plot itself is great.

The Golden Adepts are still a mystery to all of them. I actually have more revealed about them in the next few chapters so you'll find out more about them soon. Thanks for the comments and I hope you enjoy what lies ahead. XD

As I aoke, I had a hard time adjusting to the flickering candle light. Where am I? As I was finally able to focus, I noticed a new pair of clothes hanged up on the wall. I looked and realized my current clothes were torn from the battle with Isaac. I quickly changed and walked out of the room.

I noticed upon leaving that the air got lighter, as if it had been purified. I took a deep breath and walked along the pathway. Soon, I reached a set of stairs with a note pinned on them:

Sheba and Jenna are waiting for you downstairs. Isaac is still asleep healing, and there's some food ready downstairs. I hope LEmurians like bacon.

Signed,
You'll See....

I wondered who it could be, but I slowly made my way down anyway. As I turned the corner into the dining hall, I saw something very peculiar. The greeter seemed to be non other than Karst...but she was dead.

" Piers! Over here!"yelled Jenna playfully. She grabbed my arm and moved me to my chair." This," she said pointing at the girl," Is Karst's sister....Isis."
" Hello Piers. It's great to finally meet you," she said, a slight glint in her blue eys.
" If you're of the Mars clan, why do you have blue eyes?" I asked.

" I am the only clan member in hundreds of years to be born with Mercury aligned Psyenergy. Now, instead of hurting me, the Mercury Lighthouse would heal me. Now," she said politely," If you don't mind my asking, what's happened to you all? Jenna's told me a bit, but I'm guessing she isn't fully aware herself. Can you please explain it to me Piers?"

I sighed and silently said," Five years ago, we were attacked at Kraden's Funeral. This was the first time we'd come in to contact with the Golden Adepts. They defeated us with ease, and along with them, Felix, Ivan, Mia, and Garet vanished. For the past few years, we have been searching for our friends. Today, we finally found one of them, although he didn't seem quite himself," I said.

" Okay," said Sheba," But who are the Golden Adpets and why did Felix say Alex still alive?"

" I don't have much knowledge on either subject," I said," but I know a bit. If you remember, Alex was supposed to have died in the pursuit of the Golden Sun. The Wise One said himself Alex was dead. Now, after Vale was destroyed the first time, we rebuilt a few miles away, leaving the Sol Sanctum and its perch alone. That was a mistake. Alex was just transported deep inside the sanctum by the Golden Sun. He was given new knowledge, and new powers. The Lemurian researchers examined the Sanctum very recently and found tablets depicting an elite race of Adpets known as the Golden Adepts. These are usually normal warriors, but when infused with powers from the Golden Sun, their abilities are greatly magnified. This is why Felix was so strong today."

I Paused and continued," The Golden Adepts that attacked us were a sort of Guardian of the Golden Sun. They were hidden deep inside the sanctum and awaited the rebirth of the Golden Sun. When we ignited Mars Lighthouse and granted Alex this new power, we also freed them. Alex had nothing to do but teach them and recharge them. That is probably why it took so long for their attack. If the researchers were right, there is an entire army of these Guardians alone, but with his new powers, Alex can possess any adept and make him a Golden Adept. This eliminates all elemental weakness, and makes them strong enough to defeat us in a single blow. The researchers have found a way for us to loop around this though, and that is why we were supposed to be in Lemuria right now."

They all seemed shocked by this new bit of information. " well," said Sheba," that's a lot of information. NOw I don't know whether to be scared or eager though."

As if from nowhere, Isaac said," That's a great story to wake me with Piers. I really enjoyed it. We should have waited until after breakfast though, I'm starving."

We all merely laughed, and sat down, marvelling at Isis's cooking talents.

I really like the idea of Isis being apart of the Mars clan and having mercury psyenergy also, if that was in a game I think that would work well.

I liked the way you described the Golden adapts a bit more, telling me more about them, this story is developing nicely, but just needs a bit more detail, but like I said before, really good plot.

Glad you like its development!
I have issues with detail, but I'm working on it! What would make it better? I would like to make my first fic as good as possible, then each time I write a new one, it should be at least a bit better! Hope the next chapter works better.

*has trouble switching from RP to FanFic mode*

When you move on to a new thing explain it more, eg. talking about the conditon of the area, how does it feel around it etc. Also, explain the surroundings of a area, eg. "Hello Piers. It's great to finally meet you," she said, a slight glint in her blue eyes.
"If you're of the Mars clan, why do you have blue eyes?" I asked." Before you continue any further, describe what Isis looks like some questions might be, what type of facial features does she have? Whats her body like? Whats her voice like? and so on.

You can say something like, "Her deep blue eyes stared into Pier's blue mercury eyes, with her straight hair being down to her shoulders" or something like that, it does not have to have detail in every aspect, seein ghow this is your first one, but it should be decent enough to put an image in a reader's head. And I know that you can do it, because this storyline that you thought of is brillent, you just need to get the descriptions done properly.

If you need any more examples you can see my dragonball based story

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=19341

All this talk is making me want to start a Golden Sun RP XD.

I was part of one of your golden Sun RP's but under a different name. Anyways, thanks for the suggestions. I am aware of the details I should put in, but I am afraid of over detailing. Thanks for the comments. I've read bits of your story and its great!I have been bored today, so for all we know, I may get about 5 chapters done today alone.! XD So, how's this chapter?
*hopes it's good, or better anyway*


After the meal, I climbed back up the spirla staircase of Isis's home. I noticed the carvings of the development of man as I walked. They depicted man's start as low primates, to their evolution into knowledgeable beings. It showed the discovery of Alchemy, and the construction of the lighthouses. Suprisingly enough, it even had a section, right near the top, depicting the battle against the Doom Dragon! Why did I never notice this? I thought.
I made my way up to another staircase, leading outside. It lead to a balcony covered in pots of flowers, and even had a small collection of Psycrystals in the corner. As I reached for one, I smelled a strange aroma, similar to that of a rose.

" It's my own breed of flower. Do you like it?" Isis asked.
The more I looked at her, the more I noticed her beauty. She had deep blue eyes,similar in tone to my own, and red hair. It was an odd combination, but beautiful non the less. It was cut in layers and went down to her shoulder blades. She was quite beautiful and had the body of a warrior. After realizing I was ignoring her question, I replied," Yes it's quite lovely."

I walked over to the edge of the balcony and stared out into the peaceful town. " Can I ask you something Isis?" I asked her.

She walked over and smiled." Of course. Ask me anything Piers."

She looked so beautiful as the sunlight hit her face." Why are you here? Why aren't you with the other Mars Adepts? Don't you miss them all?"

" I do Piers, I miss them dearly. The thing is, there is not many of us left. We were attacked a few years back, as were other clans. We aren't sure by who, but they sent me to gather information. From what you've told me, it seems very likely that it was the Golden Adepts. I have to go with you Piers! I Just HAVE TO!" she screamed, eyes watering.

I felt a feeling of remorse, as the last time I was sent to gather information, I ended up on a quest to release Alchemy from its lock." Are you sure you'd like to come with us? We have many new enemies now, and with Alex's abilities, there's no way to tell who is friend or foe. If you wish to join us however, I'm sure the girls and Isaac will be glad to have you."

" And you? Won't you be glad to have me along?" she asked innocently.

" Of course I'll be happy! You will make a great addition to the team! I'm sure your fighting skills are excellent!" I answered.
She was now behaving rather oddly, staring at her feet she said," Actually, since I am not fully a Mars Adept, they sent me to the village priest to learn different magics. I'm afraid I'm not a great fighter. I am a great healer, and I have many other abilities as well."
" That's fine Isis, I don't mind. I'm sure you'll still be a great addition to our team. Now come on, " I said, signaling inside," let's get inside before nightfall.

" Actually Piers, would you like to stay and watch the sunset with me?" she asked.
" Of course. I'd love to!" I answered.
We eagerly awaited the sunset. We each took looks at each other though, just to reassure ourselvesof what we were feeling. I could feel a smile making its way across my face, and when I heard her giggle, I was sure she saw it as well.....