Eyes of the Flygon

Now, I'm not very good at Pokemon Fanfics. Other fanfics seem to come by easier to me, but what good is to just be good at one thing? I'm here to improve and I hope you'll help me.....


A surge of electrical energy hit the ground at my feet. It was meant for a Wartorlte, but then why did it almost hit me? Was it lack of training? Bad Aim? Or just mere coincidence? Whatever the reason, it angered me.
I held a Pokeball firmly in my hand, and pressed the small button in its center.
A Flash of light erupted from the now open ball, and soon, a very angry Charmeleon appeared. Its flaming tail flared, it's eyes narrowed. I never once gave a command, ever since its capture, it fought with me in a seemingly telepathic way.
The Pikachu did not look intimidated, and I laughed. It positioned itself and sparks staretd erupting from its red cheeks. My Charmeleon charged at it, not even looking at the sparks flying at it. To Charmeleon, all their was, was a Pikachu dumb enough to interfere, and a claw on his right paw to strike with.
As the Charmeleon slashed at the Pikachu, another flash erupted and before I knew it, a claw was coming at my face.
I awoke with a jolt, my hand quickly flying towards my cheek. As I traced over it with my fingers, there was nothing there. No scratch, no sparks...nothing.
" Not a single thing," I whispered to the shadows.
Ever since I found out I was to receive my first Pokemon, I had been having nightmares, each worse than the one before. I was either being attacked by a pokemon, or there was just an eye. Not just any eye though, A Flygon's eye. It would stare at me, blankly at first, then with such pain and hatred that it felt as if a knife through my back.

The more I thought of it, the less I wanted a Pokemon. I felt as if these dreams, no....Nightmares, were happening for a reason. If I was meant to have a Pokemon, I would.

I walked over to my mirror, which was right above a model Flygon, in a state of flight, over a grassy field. I had built it myself over 5 years ago....but now it felt meaningless. I looked back into my mirror and said softly," I, Erk, do not deserve a Pokemon....."
A small tear rolled down my eye, and i quickly wiped it away, knocking away all my fears with it...

that's all you got? oh well... mmm... your first chapter is too short. Until now, you don't have descriptions of nothing, well just the nightmare. Who is the character there? Well, your first chapter has a lack of writing, descriptions, "intro" , and other things. I have many things to say, but I know that later, someone else is going to tell you, how good/bad is the first chapter, or plot, or intro, whatever, so ... I don't think it is a really good start but well... later will come the allmighty fanfic critics, so see ya!

As I sometimes review fan - fics, I would like to say something.

Description is ok, need more though. Like what back grounds looks like or it would seemed be like something of black and white.

Spelling - you got Wartorltle wrong ( I'm not sure it spells that way)

Length is... aggh! Sorry, I don't want to be rude or anything, but that is way too short. If it was gonna get published as chapter books, then editor would definately say make it more longer.

Also when it said claw was coming at my face, it only had " ." it should be, " ......"

Other than that, I can't see any problem.

Good! Story! Love! It!

Do I look Like A Freakin People's Person to you?

I have a few things to say.
One:Way too short. If this is going to make a good fic make the chapters longer,I mean like 20-60 paragraphs or more.
Two:I want to know where you are when the Pikachu attacked. Mabye why is it attacking you?
Three:You spelled started and Wartortle wrong. I suggest if you have Microsoft word copy the Chapter paste it there and run Spell check.
Four:I just think it generally needs more description.
Now onto the Good stuff!
One:It's a good story has lots of tension and guessing. I like that.

Now I'm not the one who writes fics but I guess I know what to look for. Sorry if I made you feel bad!

Well, *lazily* You've all said it for me, so why repeat it? Actually, it's a good idea. I like this fiction. *wipes away tear sentimentally* I love my Flygon! (I trained a Flygon, my brother trained a Salamence.) Its eyes are so cute! Waaahh! *runs off crying*

Oh, and guys, it's clearly a one-shot. Lily's are just as short sometimes. The plot is short here... but I think it's not that too short. Although length might help...
Just vun vee problem. Nightmares doesn't need a capital n where it is. And Wartorlte was probably a typo.

pynpfan, about that thing you said about the location when the Pikachu attacked Zero, you can't criticize that, it was a dream, in dreams, the only thing that cares are the actions.

I guess like what it looked like there.