View Full Version : Geek Humour!

December 7th, 2004, 11:11 PM
You Know You're a Network Administrator When...
All of your friends have an @ in the middle of their names.

Your best friend is someone that you chat with online but have never met.

You see a beautiful sunset and you expect to save it to your desktop.

You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed when you encounter a Web page with no links.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a commode.

You feel driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.

You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening toward a flimsy guard rail that separates you from the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death. You frantically search for the "Back" button.

When every member in your family has an e-mail account on the mail server where you work.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

When you shut down your router and get an awful sick feeling like someone you love just died.

When you come home late at night from reconfiguring the servers and your wife draped a blond wig over your monitor and tells you to marry this.

You refuse to speak to your parents until they get e-mail.

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

You laugh at people that have modems.

You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed." Not even the laptop.

You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :^)

You turn on your computer, and turn off your spouse.

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage...so you install Instant Messenger on her computer. And when she leaves you

You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

And finally,

You know you're a Network Administrator if you've sent this page to your yahoo account.

December 7th, 2004, 11:16 PM
The Computerman's Code

1. When working on someone's computer, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. The more you understand an operating system the closer it is to becoming obsolete.

3. Free online help from a software vendor is deliberately engineered to cause enough frustration as to trick the mind into paying for expensive training classes.

4. When the going gets tough, reinstall.

5. For every computer problem there is an upgrade with equal and opposite problems.

6. To err is human . . . to blame your mistake on the computer department is downright human nature.

7. He who laughs last probably made a backup. He who laughs too loud hasn't checked his backups in a while.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame it on the software or a virus.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

12. Upgrading causes more problems then it solves.

December 7th, 2004, 11:25 PM
Geek Theology...

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.

On the first day, he toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and "active low" signals didn't yet exist.)

On the second day, God's boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn't. God learned the importance of backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day (and his first all-nighter) reinstalling the universe.

On the third day, the bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!" And God created rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe Marketing immediately realized that "new and improved" wouldn't do justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit. Many bits followed, but only one
was so honored.

On the fourth day, God created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical shift' instructions. And the original bit discovered that -- by performing a single shift instruction -- it could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realized the importance of computer security.

On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said "Forget that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply." And God saw that it was good.

On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimizing compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, micro interrupts, race conditions, and propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

December 8th, 2004, 12:48 AM
I have some strange feeling I've heard this before... o.O

December 8th, 2004, 1:08 AM
Where the heck did that come from, bio? o.O;;

December 8th, 2004, 3:34 AM
yeah they can be moved and Aino Minako my friend sent them

December 8th, 2004, 3:37 AM
Your best friend is someone that you chat with online but have never met.

I have that one o.o;

December 11th, 2004, 6:15 AM
btw I'm not triple posting I just couldn't do them all in one post

December 11th, 2004, 6:28 AM
Well, we know that. Sawah already said she was the one who merged them.