PDA

View Full Version : Rivals


emeraldslay
May 28th, 2005, 01:20 PM
Rivals

By MewMan


----------------
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, and I do not own the locations and people in this fan-fiction, if there is anything I do own, it is the made-up events that take place in this story, which you may NOT steal.
----------------




Prolouge

Professor Oak looked outside as the sun lowered down, casting a red-yellow glow over the Pallet Town fields. His large white laboratory stood on the outskirts of Pallet, and could just be seen from the houses in Pallet. He sighed. He had just given away fourteen starter Pokemon to fourteen eager trainers, all ready to gain badges and tackle the many leauges across the world. It was the last time he would ever do it. It's not like he hadn't set an example, two other places in Kanto had opened up, devoted to giving away starter Pokemon. From now on, it was just him and his studies. But, deep inside of him, he felt as if even after closing he was contributing to something...and how right he was.

Breezy
May 30th, 2005, 05:42 PM
An interesting beginning, but why is Oak not giving away Pokmon anymore even with two other places in Kanto giving away Pokmon. It's not like kids don't live near Pallet anymore.

Or is he just retiring from giving away Pokmon period?

It's not like he hadn't set an example, two other places in Kanto had opened up, devoted to giving away starter PokemonI think you need a "but" in there in order for that sentence to work.

Ja. I suck at reviewing prologues, sue me. :P

LaTeR dAyZ!

emeraldslay
May 31st, 2005, 03:16 AM
An interesting beginning, but why is Oak not giving away Pokmon anymore even with two other places in Kanto giving away Pokmon. It's not like kids don't live near Pallet anymore.


He's taking more time to devote to his studies.

I think you need a "but" in there in order for that sentence to work.

Ah, so I do.

Ja. I suck at reviewing prologues, sue me.

LOL, I think you were pretty good. Thanks for reviewing! I'll post chapter one soon.

emeraldslay
June 1st, 2005, 06:10 AM
Chapter one

Red had been curious about Pokemon ever since he was five years old. Being born in Kanto, the centre of the all the Pokemon inhabited continents, it was hard not be. Kanto was the first place to actually let Pokemon roam free, and bring in Pokemon centres, instead of having Pokemon as pets. Then, the Orange Islands followed, then Jhoto, then Hoenn, and recently Revatican. Leagues opened, and people drew closer to Pokemon. New species were discovered all the time, and were treated with the respect they deserved, and all because of Kantos example. But, Kanto hadnt changed much since Pokemon were first introduced six years ago. The Kanto league had been growing ever popular, the amount of prize money had been going up, and scientists were lead to believe that legendaries were all over. Red had always wanted to pick up a starter Pokemon and tackle the Pokemon world head-on.

Red lived in Pallet Town. Although it was really a village (having no Pokemon centre or Poke mart), Pallet Town had thrived, after being the home-town of Ash Ketchum, known as Pallet Towns Pride. Although he had retired from Pokemon training now, all new trainers from Pallet were looked at with respect, and Professor Oaks example of giving out Pokemon had spread, with two institutes in Pewter City and Saffron City having been built. Yet, Professor Oak was looked at as the chief authority on Pokemon, having invented the marvellous Pokedex, the template of that having spread all over the world. In fact, you werent considered a trainer without a Pokedex.

Red could still remember the first Pokemon he had ever seen when he was five, the very first thing that triggered a set of events that set for a great adventure it started very simply. It started with a Rattata. Occasionally, Pokemon wandered from Route 1 into Pallet Town. This was one of those occasions. Red had been playing outside with his model trucks, when suddenly, a creature wandered over. It was a bright purple color, except for its underbelly, which was bright white. It had two red eyes, a long curled tail, and a very curious look in its eyes. It stared at Red, and Red stared back. Having never seen a Pokemon before, only heard about them, Red was confused and a little scared of this foreign creature. The Rattata darted over to Reds model trucks, in one swift movement.

AAAAAAA! Red screamed, and scrambled away into the house. The Rattata obviously was curious, and darted after him, which only made Red run faster. Red used chairs and tables and all sorts of things to block the Rattata, but it simply jumped over them, and continued pursuit.

Mom! Dad! Red shouted, and they both came running down the stairs, thinking something terrible was happening from Reds tone of voice. They both came down; to see Red cowering in a corner while an equally scared Rattata cowered under a chair. They both sighed in relief, and then laughed a little.

Oh Red, his father said, going over to the Rattata, Pokemon are harmless to people like you. This is only a young Pokemon, they cant hurt you

Reds father stroked the Rattata, and Red learned that it was friendly. Red remembered this as one of the warmest moments he had shared with his father. Over the next few years, Red drifted away from both of his parents, his dreams of becoming a Pokemon trainer getting in the way of what they thought was a good career. Nevertheless, they would let Red do whatever he pleased, but they were still relieved when Professor Oak stopped giving away Pokemon when Red was eight. Red was extremely disappointed. Yet, he had no thoughts of doing what he was about to do.

Red stood on the road, looking out into the field that separated Pallet Town from Oaks laboratory. On the very outskirts of Pallet stood Professor Oaks laboratory. In the darkness, Red couldnt see the white lab, he couldnt see the three windows, he couldnt see the signs, but he knew they were there, from long afternoons spent longingly gazing at the laboratory, as if the Professor would come out and usher him inside and give him a Pokemon. He had dreamed of becoming a Pokemon trainer, and he would make that dream a reality tonight. He ran across the field in the darkness, his spiked black hair blowing in the wind, as he ran, he gritted his teeth. He had thought this day over for six months now, thinking over every possible outcome, and thinking over everything. He put his red baseball cap on backwards, and felt the cold wind blow against him. He turned his collar up on his red and white jacket that covered his black shirt. On the back of his jacket was a picture of a Pokeball, a device used for catching Pokemon.

Red dashed across the field, kicking up mud, and nearly tripping over. As he got nearer and nearer the lab, he got much more apprehensive. He had no idea what he would do if he was caught, or when he would go back to his parents, or what to tell people. All he knew was what he was about to do. He was going to steal a Pokemon. Breathing heavily, Red sat down underneath a window on the side of the laboratory. The cold concrete touched his neck. He didnt have much time, the sun would come out soon, and he relied on darkness to keep his cover. He stood up, and saw the window. It was unlocked! Red smiled, he was in luck. He pushed the window open, and climbed inside. Unfortunately, he lost his footing, and fell to the ground.

Ouch! Red whispered, rubbing his head in pain. He waited for a second, waiting to see if the professor came in. He didnt, and Red sighed in relief. Red got up as quietly as he could, and looked around. There were a lot of complicating machines, and when Red squinted he could see a cupboard, with loads of Pokeballs. He crept over silently, when suddenly he hit a creak. Red waited to see if anybody heard, then after a minute, and carried on going over. Suddenly, the room was lit! Red gasped in surprise to see the professor in a bathrobe in the doorway.

Who are you and what are you doing here!? Oak demanded.

pokegirl909
June 1st, 2005, 06:29 AM
I like it. No, I'm not here to correct your grammer. But... I really like it.

emeraldslay
June 2nd, 2005, 10:04 AM
Blue gladly welcomed the sun come over her back. After sitting outside freezing to death, it was a nice change. She kept staring at her fishing rod, waiting to catch something. Blue hated fishing. In her opinion there was nothing more boring then sitting around waiting for a Pokemon to bite a fishing rod but that was the only way she was going to get out of Pallet Town and become a trainer. She sighed. Her parents had suggested this to her, seeing how bored she had been not being able to get a Pokemon. She tucked a strand of blue hair behind her ears, and tipped her fathers fishing hat down, and started to drift away into a peaceful sleep
AAAA! She screamed as she was suddenly pulled off of her chair, and nearly went headfirst into the water. Her short skirt was covered with mud as she was pulled onto the ground, and she struggled to pull the rod back up, to try and tug this Pokemon up, and begin a Pokemon journey....
But, even her determined self couldnt save herself from being dragged closer to the icy cold water. She tugged with all her might, and gritted her teeth, struggling to win against this powerful water Pokemon.
HEEEEEEEEEELP! She screamed, as loudly as she could. But, it seemed to be no use. She was on the very outskirts of Pallet Town, as that was where this river (that led into the sea) was. The only person who even had a chance of hearing her was the professor, and he was the very person who indirectly got her into this mess in the first place. But, she heard somebody else. She heard a motorboat, from across the river, and it sped across the water, kicking up a lot of it, before smoothly parking it at the shore. In it stood a tall boy, with brown hair that hung over his forehead. He wore a green jacket, and long black trousers, with big brown boots. His eyes were calm and deep, and Blue instantly found herself falling into those deep eyes. He jumped out of the boat, and ran over to her, and took a hold of the rod, and pulled with all his might. Out came a blue turtle-like Pokemon that was dragged onto the shore.
Squirtle! The creature said, with a very angry look on its face. Blue looked into Greens eyes, and she sighed. Green didnt seem to notice though.
Well, I suppose that is your Pokemon then Green said. Ill see you around He walked towards the general direction of Oaks laboratory. Blue started at him all the way. She then slapped herself mentally. you cant fall in love with him! , she thought hes Oaks grandson! Although this wasnt a substantial reason not to like him, she settled with herself, and turned her attention towards the angry Pokemon that sat at her feet. She suddenly felt a rush. She had a Pokemon! Blue and the Squirtle both sat there looking into each others eyes. Squirtles eyes were angry. Evidently, it didnt like being caught. Then, Blue remembered what her parents had told her to do if she caught something. She took a red and white spherical object out of her pocket, known as a Pokeball. She tapped Squirtle with it, and he dissolved into a Pokeball. Blue smiled, and began skipping all the way back to her home in Pallet Town. She was thinking of Green and her newly-captured Squirtle. Although she was unsure of what was going to happen next, the future looked bright for her, and her newly-acquired Squirtle would hopefully help her towards her goal of competing in the Pokemon League.

What are you doing here? Oak repeated, as Red prayed and prayed for a distraction to get him out of this awkward moment.
HEEEEEEEEEELP A girls voice screamed from outside, and Professor Oak went over to the window. He saw the sun had begun to rise, and in the distances he saw a silhouette of a young girl. He was about to rush out, when he saw his grandson in his boat pull up, and he didnt think it was necessary. He turned back to the boy and suddenly realised who it was. It was Red!
Red, I think I know why you are here Professor Oak said, sighing.
How do you know my name? Red demanded.
I know your parents. They told me about what you were going through with me closing down my laboratory to the public. And although you came for all the wrong reasons, I suppose you wanted something for the right reason. Here he turned; and he got a Pokeball from the loads of them on the shelves. You can have this
He threw a Pokeball at Red. Red caught it, and released it. Out of it, came a Bulbasaur! It yawned, and then looked at Red, knowing that Red had just released it.
You meanyoure letting me have this? Red said, kneeling down to see the Pokemon.
Yes, I am. You did come here and everything. After hearing what your parents have said about you, I couldnt see you stealing a Pokemon anyway Oak said. Red recalled the Bulbasaur.
Oh, I wouldnt have thought I would have had it in me either. I was already regretting the move when I crept in. I dont know how to repay you for your kindness though, Professor. This Pokemon, its like a dream come true. Ill be sure to contact you in Viridian City! Red said.
Ok, you do that! Oak said.
Have you got a phone I can use? he asked, and Oak nodded, and pointed to a phone on the wall.
Thanks Red said, and walked over it to dial the number of his house. His mother answered, and he began to explain everything. He got a little choked up at one point when he said about his ideas, and then hastily added that he knew he didnt have it in him anyway. He explained about his new Pokemon, and how he wanted to start a journey. His parents asked him to come home first. Red agreed, and hung up.
Thanks, Professor! Red said gratefully, and Oak nodded, smiling.
Repay me by being great Red. And, the laboratory needs money, and you did nearly steal from me, so you do the math Oak said. Red said he would send him half of his earnings each month. As Red opened the door, a tall boy, around his age bumped into him. Red and Green were both sent falling to the ground.
What did you do that for!? Red demanded.
Youre the klutz who bumped into ME! Green said.
Boys, boys! The professor said, coming over. It was an accident! Red, Id like you to meet my grandson, Green. Hes been away for a while, but hes only just starting his journey, just like you, although I daresay he has had a little more experience. Maybe one day, you two could be battling alongside eachother, eh? Oak said.
Yes, grandpa. That would be great Green said, although he was still glaring at Red. Grandpa, I came here to gather my things. Ive decided to head off on my journey. Ill contact you in Viridian city
Well, that is the way Red is going as well! You two could go off together Oak said.
Yeah, good idea, Grandpa Green said, although he seemed to be gritting his teeth.
Well, I better be going. Bye Green, bye Professor! Red said, as he walked out. Red hated Green. He had hated him ever since he was seven, and Green was boasting about how he already had a Pokemon, and how he was the professors grandson. As Red was walking home, he saw Blue, and stopped to stare at her. She was the cutest girl he had ever seen. Her beautiful brown hair that flowed down her back, her wonderful face, her charming personality Red had had a crush on her for a year now. They knew eachother vaguely, but Red had stayed away from her ever since a year ago, because whenever she spoke to him, he broke out in a sweat, and said awkward things. He stopped to admire her perfect form for a minute, but then, she noticed him! Red mentally pinched himself, he was such an idiot! He immediately became a little nervous as she approached. What was he going to say? What was she going to say? This was definitely an awkward situation.

Casual Billy
June 6th, 2005, 10:06 AM
This is pretty good so far. I like the twist you added with Professor Oak's lab not giving out Pokemon anymore and the relationship between your characters adds a welcome dimension to the plot. It seems like Red and Green will be rivals in Pokemon battling as well as the battle for Blue's heart. Interesting. That was a tense scene when Red tried to sneak into Oak's lab and steal a Pokemon. Good job with that.

There were some grammatical errors though. You need to hit the enter key twice in between quotes. The second chapter was very bunched up, it could've been broken up into more paragraphs. And you did this quite often:

"Hey" said Professor Oak (<not an actual line, just an example). When it should be:

"Hey," said Professor Oak.

Yeah, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter. This is already quite entertaining.

emeraldslay
June 6th, 2005, 10:46 AM
Ah, thanks! I'll try and look out for grammar, but thanks for all the positive things you said! :)

emeraldslay
June 11th, 2005, 04:04 AM
Hi Red! Blue said, winking at Red as she came. Red gasped. She winked at him! SHE ACTUALLY WINKED AT HIM! Red just smiled at Blue, staring at her. He tried to keep his eyes off her face, it was too perfect. He tried to keep his eyes of her feet, her dress was so short. He tried not to look at her chest or waist, for obvious reasons. He ended up looking into the sky, just so not to end up gawking over her immense beauty.
Whats up with you? You seem to be on another planet! Blue said, giggling.
Oh, hi Blue, didnt see you Red said, going slightly red.
Guess what, I caught a Pokemon! Blue said, smiling and holding up a Pokeball.
Hey, I just got a Pokemon from Professor Oak! Red said, but the mentally slapped himself. He should of just walked away! Now, she would either ask what it was, or worse
Hey, shall we have a battle? she asked. Damn! A battle!
Ok, sure! Red said, although he was thinking No, no, no, no, no!
Go! Blue said, throwing her Pokeball. Out came a very stubborn blue Pokemon. Blue looked at it for a minute, and could tell it seemed to not like being caught.
Go Bulbasaur! Red said, throwing the Pokeball out, and out came Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur turned to Red, to see him staring at Blue while she wasnt looking. Bulbasaur sweatdropped realising he was serving a love-struck teenager.
Bulbasaur, fly! Red said. Bulbasaur sweat dropped again. Red waited, but Bulbasaur didnt do anything.
No, silly! Bulbasaur cant fly! Blue said, giggling. Red wished he would just drop dead. He blushed. He had just made a complete fool out of himself in front of Blue! He looked like a total moron!
Squirtle, water gun! Blue said. Squirtle opened his mouth, and let out a rush of cold water to the side, that completely missed Bulbasaur. Red and Blue could both tell that Squirtle wasnt trying.
Aim it at Bulbasaur! Blue said through gritted teeth. Squirtle aimed it at Bulbasaur, but made it go completely over him.
Bulbasaur, show that Squirtle what were made of! Tackle him head on! Red said. Bulbasaur ran at Squirtle, who stood there, picking its teeth.
Quick, Squirtle dodge! Blue said, and Squirtle lowered his head for a second, before getting back up. The Bulbasaur gained speed and power, before bashing into Squirtles stomach. The Squirtle toppled over, and let out a surprised water gun, which a few drops of landed on Bulbasaur, who winced slightly. Blue was gritting her teeth.
Squirtle, get up and use a water gun while hes close! Blue said, still calm, Squirtle put his hands behind his head, and began to sunbathe.
Quick, take advantage of this, with, err Red didnt know much about grass Pokemon. He had learned a lot about fire Pokemon, but not much about grass types. Grass type, grass type, he ran the words over in his mind, waiting for it to connect to something.
Bulbasaur, razor leaf! Red said and Bulbasaur let out some razor-sharp leaves from the bulb on his back, and then as if there was suddenly a strong wind, they zoomed towards Squirtle. The five leaves went into Squirtles unprotected sunbathing body, and the toxins started pumping round his body. Squirtle flicked them off him, although he seemed to be in pain. This was the last straw for Blue.
SQUIRTLE! GET UP THIS INSTANT! She screamed as loud as she could. Red was shocked, he didnt know Blue was capable of shouting that loud. Squirtle was evidently frightened, as he immediately got up, but he was breathing heavily, thus were the effects of the tackle and razor leave attacks. Blue sighed, and then laughed slightly, becoming her happy beautiful self again.
Bulbasaur, tackle! Red said, wanting to finish the battle off. Bulbasaur did another powerful tackle, but this time Blue was ready.
Squirtle, jump then slam! Blue said. Blue jumped into the air a split second before Bulbasaur tackled. Then, Squirtle slammed into Bulbasaur, making Bulbasaur fall to the ground.
Come on Bulbasaur! Red said, hoping that Bulbasaur could get back up. Come on! Bulbasaur heard the words Red was saying, and growled. Damn trainer, wasnt even concerned about his Pokemon! Bulbasaur got up, angry at Red. But then he saw a glimpse of compassion in Reds eyes, before they glazed over to there normal determined self. It seemed Red did care.or did he? Bulbasaur suddenly felt a throbbing pain from the slam, and wandered if he could go on for much longer.
Squirtle, use a water gun! Blue said. Squirtle used a blast of cold water at Bulbasaur, and it struck Bulbasaur, who started shivering from the cold, and was knocked to the ground from the force. Bulbasaur felt a veil of darkness just cover everything, as he fainted.
I guess I win Blue said, smiling. Red smiled back, stopping to stare at her perfect brown hair, and her deep blue eyes, before laughing.
Yes, well done. Im supposed to give you money Red said.
Oh, it doesnt matter, with us being friends and all she said.
Ok. WellI guess Ill see you round?
Ok. Bye Red! Blue recalled Squirtle, and began skipping to her house. Red then ran to his Bulbasaur. He didnt move. Red was worried, he knew Bulbasaur had fainted. Would Bulbasaur ever trust him again? He had let him faint on his first battle This was terrible! He recalled Bulbasaur, and then ran back to his home. He came in, and saw his mother and father watching television.
Mom, dad, Bulbasaur has fainted! Red said desperately.
We have our healer downstairs, now go and heal him, then come back up; we want to have a word with you Red hit himself of course! The healer! His father had bought it back from his trip to Hoenn. It was a small machine that you put Pokeballs in, and it instantly healed Pokemon. It was like a miniature Pokemon centre. Of course, it was very valuable, so Red wasnt normally allowed to touch it. He went down to the cellar, and found it in a cabinet, full of other valuables. He opened it, and placed his Pokeball in the healer. The light on top went red, then green, meaning that the Pokemon was healed. He took the Pokeball out, and went upstairs. He sat down, while his mother and father stood. He knew what was coming, but pretended to be shocked. They gave him a lecture on how wrong it is to steal, and how dangerous Kanto is, and how to avoid trouble, and how he should contact them every two days, and finally, a question.
Can we see him? They both asked, smiling.
Sure! Red said, and released Bulbasaur. The Bulbasaur materialized on the floor, and stretched. I then looked around, to see Reds parents. They both kneeled down and fussed over him. The Bulbasaur loved all the attention. After five minutes, Red said something.
OkI guess Ill be going then! he said loudly. His parents both stood up to allow Red to recall Bulbasaur. Red hugged his mother, and hugged his father, before he finally said goodbye to them both. Red left, and then wandered where to head. He decided on a plan. He would go through route one, to Viridian City, where he would contact Oak and his parents, and buy a Pokedex. Happy with this decision, he let Bulbasaur out to inform him.
Ok, Bulbasaur. Were going through route one, ok? Are you alright for battling?
Bulbasaur! Bulbasaur said angrily.
What? Dont you like route one? Red asked dopily. Bulbasaur cocked his head towards Blues house.
Oh! You want to battle Blues Squirtle again? Red asked.
Bulbasaur! Bulbasaur said, nodding.
We need to train up first. That Squirtle seems quite trained already. And his trainer Red sighed envisioning her, as he had done many times.
Bulbasaur Bulbasaur said, sweat dropping.

IceKing
June 11th, 2005, 03:50 PM
Spaces my friend! They can help out a lot you know?

Likes
-The abundance of tiny details
-The fact the pokemon are kind of rebelling
-The tiny twist with Proffesor Oak
-Bulbasaur/Squirtle Battle

I found the huge amount of details you put in this fic helpful in reading it without too much effort. The fact that the pokemon are not completely fond of their trainers adds a good sense of realism as well. I was kind of hoping because Proffesor Oak decided to stop giving out pokemon the main charachters would get pkoemon other than Bulba,Squirt,Charmander. I found the battle entertaining as well, and I am VERY glad you did not describe it in the Gameboy format.

Dislikes
-Use of Manga Charachters
-Typical positions for charachters
-Bad paragraphing
-Grammar Mistakes
-Beginning of Chapter 1

Face it, the fanfic idea of Red,Blue, and Green going off on a journey being each others rivals has been done A LOT. You could have at least made your own charachters, its not that hard. Also, I noticed Red Blue and Green each fall into the famous charachter positions. Green seems like a Gary-Stu, a perfect male charachter who will most likely end up with Blue as well as being a typical arragont rival. Blue is also developing into a Mary-Stu with her perfect looks and rather preppy personality. Give them more unique personalities if you know what i mean. Also, it would make this fic a whole lot easier to read if you put spaces in between teh paragraphs. There are some comma misuses and junk, but I'll let someone else point them out to you. I find it rather weird about your theory about all th epokemon being released into the world in 6 years, but I myself have crazy Canon theory in my fic, so I wont pester you too much about it.


At this point Ill give your fic a 5.5/10 because of the lack of originality, but overall it is a pretty interesting fic to read. Sorry if I kind of seemed harsh there! I try to be nice

emeraldslay
June 13th, 2005, 08:13 AM
Thanks for the review. I know my grammar is terrible, and that I apologize for. Hopefully, the charecters' personalities shall develop more as the fic progresses. I apologize for the manga charecters, but I am terrible at creating unique people. They always seem to slip into the shoes of Red or Green, so I just decided to do this. Thanks for the review!