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View Full Version : I Love You (AAML) (First fanfic)


Emma
March 10th, 2006, 08:52 AM
Note: This is my first Fanfic i've written, so go easy :) I'd like opinions and also things where i can improve on, i will be doing more if i get some positive feedback, I'm not asking you to GIVE me positive Feedback, Just to explain your opinion. Thanks :)

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Chapter: 1

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It had been a long time since Ash and Misty had got in contact after their departure from eachother.
Brock tried his absoloute hardest to get Ash to ring Misty up, Even though ash wanted to, He just couldn't.

It was late in the evening and silence was spreading around the house Ash and Brock Were staying at.
"Ash.... Why won't you call Misty ?"
"I don't think she would want to speak to me..."
" Well... Why wouldn't she speak to you, you both aint seen each other for 3 months ! Or even heard from one another, she must be really worried about you Ash."
" I'm sure she's doing fine Brock. I think she would of called by now if she wanted to hear from me..."
"Ash..... She aint got your number "
" Oh, Yea"
Ash and Brock ended their conversation and headed off to bed, until in the middle of the night when there was a bang on the front door, Brock woke up with immediate reaction. But Obviously Ash didn't wake up.
" Pikachu, Hit Ash with your Thunderbolt please, he won't wake up"
"Pika..."
Pikachu used his thunderbolt against ash, Ash jumped in the air asking 20 questions at a time.
"Wha.. Wha time issit, whats the big deal... wh...."
" Ash ! Someone is at the door !"
"Why won't you get it then ?"
"Too Tired..."
"Argh, Lazy mop"
Ash walked down the stairs with his Gown on and opened the Door, Ash stood there in Amazement.
"Hey Ash" Misty Said with joy.
"Wh..h.He...Hey Misty ! What you doing here this early in the morning ?"
"Well, it took me ages to walk this far, i couldn't find anywhere to stay, so here i am !"
"How did you know where we were?"
"Don't you think i've heard your snore enough times to recognise it ?"
They both had a little laugh.
Ash welcomed Misty into the house and made her a cup of tea. "Ash... Haven't you been getting my letters?"
Ash looked back looking puzzled. "What letters ?"
"I've been sending loads of letters since we left each other... Oh well, it doesn't matter now we can catch up on things while i'm here."
Ash came over to sit on the couch with misty while handing her a Cup of tea.
"You know, i've missed you alot Misty, it hasn't been the same without you."
"Same, It's been boring without having our little fights" Misty Smiled while talking.
"...So how have things been going in Cerulean City ?" Ash asked.
"Well, My sisters are Still going around the world ! I think they are in Toronto now... Anyway, how are you doing?"
"Ahhh not too bad, Even though Brock hasn't stopped going crazy over every girl he sees" Ash laughed.
"Typical Brock" Misty Yawns "I'm tired"
"I suppose we should get some rest eh ?" Ash Asked
"Yeah, i suppose, do you mind me staying here for a few days ?"
"No, not at all" Exclaimed Ash.

Ash walked up the stairs with misty following behind, there was a spare bed in Ash and Brocks room so misty slept in there. When everyone was in bed they all said goodnight to each other.

"Night brock, Misty" Said ash in a Yawning voice.
" Night you two" Misty said, Then said "I love you"
"Did you say something misty ?" Asked Ash
"No i was just yawning" Misty lied.

While ash and brock were sleeping and snoring as usual, Misty sat up and started thinking whether to tell Ash how she really felt about him, after knowing him all these years, she couldn't face breaking up their friendship. So she decided not to, Misty then laid down and went to sleep.

The sun breaks out and misty wakes up when the sun shines on her face.
She walked over to Ash.
"Why can't i tell him, I have got this feeling about him that i don't understand, and i don't think i could ever get rid of it."Misty thought.
Ash woke and turned around, staring directly at Misty.
"Good morning Ash" Misty said cheerfully
"G'Morning..." Ash said while stretching and yawning.
"I wonder what she will do if i said i loved her, i can't keep it a secret forever can i ? I'll tell her today..." Ash thought.

"Hey misty, I got an idea, do you wanna see something nice ?"
"Sure, what issit ?"
"You'll see later, is 6pm Okay ?"
"Yea, 6pm sounds cool !"
"Great" Ash said with humungus joy.
"Finally, a time together by ourselves.. But i just can't tell him how i feel, We'll just see what happens."

The day was going fast, at 5pm Ash went upstairs and into his room, waiting for 6pm for when the sun starts to set.
It now was 5:45pm So ash thought it was a good time to start walking.

"Wanna go now Misty ?" Ash asked hoping for the answer to be a YES
"Okay, it's pretty boring at the moment" Misty said smiling and looking straight into Ash's eyes.

Both Ash and Misty Walked to the cliff side while talking and laughing about when they travelled and what has happened since they haven't seen eachother.

"We're nearly there" Ash held his hands over Misty's eyes and told her to start walking.
Ash walked her up to the edge of the cliff and removed his hands from Misty's eyes.
"Ta-da, Like it ?"
The sky was tanned and the sun was starting to set, misty thought it was the most beautifal moment she has ever been included in.
"It's....It's amazing ash"
They both took a seat and waited until the sun fully set, Ash thought it was the right time to tell misty how he felt, so did Misty.
"I got something to tell you" Both misty and ash said this at the exact same time.
"Oh sorry ash, You first" Misty said looking suprised.
"Well, alright, misty i've wanted to tell you for so long...." Ash suddenly stopped talking
"Ash... What issit"
"See, misty... i don't know whether to tell you.. but while we're here, i will."
Ash started looking serious at Misty
"Misty... To tell you the truth, i've had feelings for you since day one, when i stole your bike ? I thought you were probably the most Cutest girl i've ever met in my entire life. So i just wanted to tell you i love you, i couldn't keep it trapped away forever...Do you understand misty ?"
"Yes... See ash i was about to say the same thing"
Ash and misty both went quiet, still looking at each other in the eye. Ash Leaned over to misty and Kissed her in the Sunset.

Ever since, they have been together and Pikachu has also stayed with them all these years, Ash and misty are now married and Are planning to have kids.
After Brocks fantasy over girls, he's finally found his match, his wedding is coming up soon and Ash is going to be Best Man.
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So what do you think ? :)

Kyoko
March 10th, 2006, 02:08 PM
that was pretty good :) there were some grammer errors and stuff but other then that it was really cute ;) and not to mention for your first fic that is really good :D (I'm addicted to the smileys lol)

Aegis
March 10th, 2006, 02:49 PM
That was great, you could never tell it was your first! I liked how you added the stuff at the end about how everything turned out...

Yay! My 300th post!

Emma
March 11th, 2006, 04:19 AM
I'm glad you both like it ^^
I might do some more soon.:D

Smilies Galore :):P;)

Deathspector
March 12th, 2006, 12:03 AM
Yes, it did have elements of originality in it, but somehow, many Ash and Misty Love fanfictions often end up in the same way. The two haven't met each other in a long time, and then, when they do,they tell each other that they love each other.

Please do not think that I'm critisizting you. No, far from it. For a first fanfiction, it's pretty good, and has some emotion-evoking lines in it, that make it special. However, I would like to tell you how you could improve.

First of all, the description could have been better. Perhaps you could have said that the sun sent tiny sparkles across a small water surface, or something like that to make it seem a little more descriptive. Also, a bit more originality would have been better. But on the whole, it was really good.\

Once again, do not think I am dissing you or anything, only giving you constructive critisizm.

DS

Emma
March 12th, 2006, 07:38 AM
Okay, thanks for your opinion, i'll try and improve.

AAMLrox
March 19th, 2006, 12:00 PM
AW! that was super kawaii ^_^^_^ I loved it...write some more soon! ^_^

Emma
March 22nd, 2006, 12:57 PM
I will ^_^ Well when i get time to :P

~*!*~Tatsujin Gosuto~*!*~
March 30th, 2006, 05:10 PM
Its okay but there are alot of Grammar problems and is this a role Play:t201-qu:. If so you aren't following the criteria at all

:t003:Dark Venusaur

BlisseysCharizard
April 12th, 2006, 05:22 PM
Devestation, I Love The story. I Always knew somone was going to write a story like this, and you did. Congrats! Please Write More Chapter About There Relationship, or I will for you!

oni flygon
April 12th, 2006, 08:22 PM
eh....


Well... your story needs some improving. Probably on a large degree. You lack on description and the fact that most of your story is in dialogue, it loses the narrative part of your story and is might as well in script form. Try to be add some "meat" in your story and even though this is your first fic, I guess it's not that bad. But since you said it's "Chapter 1", I'm assuming that there will be further chapters, right? Well, if so, I advice you to improve and read these threads. If not, I'm afraid you'll have to read that part in this forum that says "Regarding Stories That Fail to Meet the Standards."

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46646
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806

mermaidmisty
June 30th, 2006, 01:32 AM
Loved it forever!!! How do you do this stuff ????!!!

''Ash is never alone,cus he's got me '' ~~Misty~~

mermaidmisty
June 30th, 2006, 01:36 AM
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!

'' Ash is never alone , cus he's got me ..''~~ Misty W.