PDA

View Full Version : The strenght of fire


Kaeru_ike
April 8th, 2006, 10:57 AM
The strenght of fire
A great empire
It never listens to your desire

It travels in a mace
It burns from place to place
If you're not aware, it will burn in your face

Fire gives us heat and light
But sometimes it will start a fight
It might end with disaster
There's no doubt who's the master


I made this because i wanna try something new=) Hope it is okay^.^

Lily
April 8th, 2006, 02:14 PM
Not bad...second stanza sounded a bit off, and adding a quatrain right at the end surprised me a bit. It's a standard, solid poem about fire. What more can I say? XD Good luck on your next piece.

This will be moved to poetry, so please keep this in mind for future reference. ^_^

Emma
April 8th, 2006, 02:15 PM
It's alright, Short and sweet ^_^

PoochyenaSoCute
April 8th, 2006, 02:48 PM
Poetry.....such a beutiful thing especially when it's about something as cool as fire. :)

Kaeru_ike
April 9th, 2006, 11:54 PM
Thanx=)
I know sentace no. 2 got a little far off 0_o
I'll make something new later^_^

Kalylia
April 11th, 2006, 02:48 PM
A nice poem. As was mentioned before, the quadtrain was a little shocking, as it didn't really fit with the rest of the poem. My advice: Try and keep your stanzas to they somewhat match. They don't have to be generic by any standards, just make the style, rhythm, and flow carry through the entire poem. It really does help.