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BlisseysCharizard
April 20th, 2006, 05:16 PM
I Hope You Like This Everyone. It's Something I put Together.

Chapter 1
Ditch Trouble

Walking Through Littleroot Town, May Colud Remember The Day She & Ash Met. They were Going Back To The Johto Region, But She Wanted To Give Pro. Birch Her Delcatty and Snorlax Before She Went On The Ferry. Ash Wanted To Drop Off Donphan and Go On The Pc To Get Some Of His Pokemon Back Before His Next Adventure. He Thought He Would Get Back Charizard, Bayleef, Glalie, and Lapras. Going Through Petalburg City They Saw Max At Home With His Marshtomp. Last Summer, Max Was Old enough To Get His Pokemon License and Has So Many pokemon Right now. he Has A Marshtomp, Breloom, Slakoth, Whismur, Aron, and Beautifly. Beautifly was Given To Him By May. But, Right Now, They Were Just Passing By and Saying Hi. Now They Were In Littleroot Town. But, Just As They Were Passing Through, May, Ash, and Pikachu Fell In a Ditch. It Was Team Rocket!

"Hey Twerps!" Said Team Rocket At The Same Time."You See, Your In Time To See Us Take Your Pokemon!" Said Jessie. "Not On Your **** Lives! Said Ash. "Pikachu, Show Em' What your Made Of!" "PIKACHUUUUU!" Cried Pikachu In An Expresional voice. "Pikachu! Thunderbolt Em'!" Ash Scremed. Not so Fast! Seviper! Protect!" Jessie Yelled. The Thunderbolt Pikachu Sent Them Went Strait Back To Pikachu! "Pikachu!" Ash Cried. Then, Ash Thought Of It! What Could Brake through That Protected Force Field? Pikachu's Iron Tail. Then, with Expression Of Winning The Battle, Ash Said "Pikachu, Get Up And Use Iron Tail and Brake through the Protected Force Field! Pikachu Did It With all Of it's Might! It Broke Right Through The Force Field. Before Jesse could Command Seviper To Use Another protect on Them, Ash Said "Pikachu! Thunder Them away!" Pikachu Did As Ash told Him, and With It's Last Ounce Of Strength, Pikachu not Only Thunder them Away, It Looked Like Team Rocket Had Turned Into A Million Pieces. Then, Pikachu Fainted On Top Of May! It turned Out that When May fell through The Ditch, she was Automaticlly Unconious. "May! May! Get Up! Get Up!' Ash Screamed. But It Was No Use. Ash Had To Lift Up May To The Pokemon Center. And Quick!

To Be Continued..........

Coming Soon.....
Chapter 2
Johto Adventure Spent In A Pokemon Center

In The Next Chapter, Will Ash Ever Get May To A Pokemon Center? Will May Ever Get Up? And If She Does, Will She Repay Ash With Just More Than A Thank You?

Stay Tooned!

Drew
April 20th, 2006, 07:12 PM
It was a good start.
Interesting enough so far, it actually seems like something that could happen in the Anime.
Ash and May aren't my favorite pairing, but it was still good.

Although, you don't need to use so many capital letters.

BlisseysCharizard
April 21st, 2006, 04:19 AM
Thanks, Drew. I Apreciate What You Said. But Read The Bottom, It Says "If May Ever Gets Up, Will She Repay Ash With More Than A Thank You? That's the Romantic Hint. I Will Start On The Next Chapter Tonight.YEAH!!!!! MY 100TH POST!!!!!

BlisseysCharizard
April 21st, 2006, 07:16 PM
Here Is the Next Chapter!

Chapter 2
Johto Adventure Spent In A Pokemon Center

Ash Had Little Time To find a Pokemon Center Before May Got The Dirt Rest. "Hey, I Put that In Good Words." Thought Ash. but Time Was Almost Out. But, Just As he Could reach The Pokemon Center, A Wild Poochyena Was In his Way. "Pikachu, Thunder!" He Shouted. He Knew That Was Pikachu's strongest Attack, And he also knew It Missed 30% Of The Time. But, That Didn't Matter To Him. Right Now, He Knew He Had To Save May! Next, I Wild Wrumple was In His way. "Pikachu, Thunder!" Ash Screamed. Pikachu did As he Was Told, knocking Out That Wrumple, Instantly. At Last, He Saw The Pokemon Center! But first, A Wild Ralts Was In His Way. "Pikachu, Thunder At Full Power!" Ash Blurted Out! Just As Pikachu Was Going To Stop Ralts In His Steps, Ralts Used a Psychic Attack and sent that Thunder Back To Pikachu! Pikachu Was Hit Hard. but, He sent Another Thunder Attack Back To Ralts. Once again, Ralts Used Psychic To Send The Thunder Attack Back To Pikachu But It was Heading strait To Ash. Just As Ash was about To be Killed By The Thunder Attack, Pikachu Came Out Of Nowhere And Used A Iron Tail Attack To Knock Out Ralts. Pikachu Was Knocked Out.
Ash Then Ran To The Pokemon center, Walk In The Door , Exausted, and Said Please Take Care Of This Person and This Pokemon!

The Next Morning, May was surrounded By, Ash, Misty, Brock, Pro. Birch, Pro. Elm, Pro. Oak, Dealia (A.K.A. Ash's Mom) Max, Noman, and May's Mom. When she First got up, Everyone Was So Reliefed. "What Happened Yesterday?" asked May. "See, Team Rocket planted A ditch For us To Fall In. When we fell in, you Were Knocked Unconious. Then, I carried You on my Back to The Pokemon Center and They Took care Of the rest of it." explained Ash. "Now that Everything Is Okay, I guess I'll be Heading Back To Kanto." Said Pro. Oak. "Me To!" said Dealia. "Bye Mom." Said ash. "Good News! May Can walk Out of The Pokemon Center Now!" Explained Nurse joy. "Yeah!" said everyone in the Room. Then, Everyone walked Out Of The Room except Ash. Misty Looked Through The door seeing what Misty and Ash Do. Then May said "Ash Come here next to me bye the bed." When ash Got over There she grabbed His Jacket and gave Him a 1 Minute Smooch That sent Him to Heaven. Then sent Hime to The Floor. "What The **** was that? Thought Misty and ash.

I Hope you Enjoyed That!
Next Chapter: Why Did May Kiss ash? When Will May and Ash ever Get To Johto? And, Is there trouble with charizard in The valley?

Coming soon!
In
Chapter 3
Charizard! I Don't Choose You!

This chapter Will be Written tommorow. I hope.

oni flygon
April 22nd, 2006, 10:46 AM
This is similar to your other story and I still advice that you read the threads that I've recommended. There are numerous grammar errors, mostly capitalization. Otherwise, I advice that you attempt to improve or use MSWord or any word processor you may have in order to improve.

And I'm giving you the threads again:

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46646

cryztalwing
April 23rd, 2006, 06:23 AM
I like this fic. The part were Ash and Pikachu keep being attack by wild PoKeMoN was cool. It showed how much Ash cares for May..

cinnamon
April 26th, 2006, 07:09 AM
it was great apart from the grammer but u could relly see they liked eathother

Emma
April 26th, 2006, 08:23 AM
I liked the story, But the Grammar was fairly easy to spot, Don't use capitals at the beginning of every word, It just doesn't look right, See if you can spot and cure any other problems ^^;

chimene
April 30th, 2006, 02:50 PM
hi i think that was so cool i love advanceshipping its my fav.cant wait for the next chap

Kitteh
April 30th, 2006, 03:01 PM
Ahem. A few mistakes.

With stuff like Ash Had Little Time To find a Pokemon Center..., you don't need to use so the capital letters. Here's how it should be written:
Ash had little time to find a Pokemon Center...

And these chapters are really short. Good, but short. I think you need to fix that.

~Kitteh~

Astinus
May 4th, 2006, 07:44 PM
Grammar isn't your strong suit, is it?

Can I just ask why you have so many capital letters where they are not needed?

Also, don't use symbols in your writing. It's lazy to do so.

Make a new paragraph each time someone new speaks.

It's still a good story. You just need some help with the grammar, as everyone else said.

ampharos101
May 13th, 2006, 02:13 PM
Excellent story!I cant wait for chapter two!

BlisseysCharizard
May 13th, 2006, 06:19 PM
chapter 2 is on there already. Chapter 3 will be here soon!

Kijuna
May 13th, 2006, 08:16 PM
Lol at this fic and everyone saying it's good.

Where's the description? Where is TR's motto? Why doesn't May make out with Ash every time he saves her? Why do you even bother talking about Max, when he's obviously more useless than late-Johto Misty? Why does Protect last more than one turn and reflect attacks? (Actually I know the answer to that one. It doesn't.) Does Ash always narrate his thoughts?

This fic is an absolute joke. I don't mean to be mean, because I love giving constructive criticism, but there's really nothing to build on. I suppose you could turn it into a parody fic, but...

Tbone2356
May 13th, 2006, 08:46 PM
Lol at this fic and everyone saying it's good.

Where's the description? Where is TR's motto? Why doesn't May make out with Ash every time he saves her? Why do you even bother talking about Max, when he's obviously more useless than late-Johto Misty? Why does Protect last more than one turn and reflect attacks? (Actually I know the answer to that one. It doesn't.) Does Ash always narrate his thoughts?

This fic is an absolute joke. I don't mean to be mean, because I love giving constructive criticism, but there's really nothing to build on. I suppose you could turn it into a parody fic, but...

Who Cares About All Of That Stuff, I Think Its Great So Far (Im So Ashasmed....I Was A Proud Pokeshipper And Ive Grown To Love May So Now Im An Advanced Shipper)

Keep It Up!

Misty67
May 14th, 2006, 02:54 AM
it is very good i like it too chanseys

Lily
May 14th, 2006, 03:32 PM
This is similar to your other story and I still advice that you read the threads that I've recommended. There are numerous grammar errors, mostly capitalization. Otherwise, I advice that you attempt to improve or use MSWord or any word processor you may have in order to improve.

And I'm giving you the threads again:

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46646

Evidently you didn't heed Mr. Akinari's words.

Locked due to insufficiency.

BlisseysCharizard
May 14th, 2006, 04:14 PM
this post isn't locked. HA HA! You can't hold me back Lily. I will Return! Everyone who likes my story, please Make a club to keep it together!

oni flygon
May 14th, 2006, 09:05 PM
this post isn't locked. HA HA! You can't hold me back Lily. I will Return! Everyone who likes my story, please Make a club to keep it together!
Lily might've missed it but Niko doesn't... =D

Closed due to lack of effort and failure to meet standard requirements.

*CLOSED*

Lily
May 15th, 2006, 04:42 PM
;_; I fail as a moderator. So sorry!

*runs*

*trips*

;_;