View Full Version : A vicious love gone wrong

May 30th, 2006, 10:17 AM
I fell through a fierce storm,
It suffocated me,
It binds me,
Rip out the very thing that defined me,
you took it,
that night i wasted away,
it is now lost I'll never have it back,
I search for awnsers why,
i need help im gonna die!

June 1st, 2006, 1:40 PM
Its a short, but actually is a good poem. ^_^ On the 4th line Rip should ripped. Alot of errors in you poem. Capitalizations and commas...

June 2nd, 2006, 1:23 PM
It's definatly a decent poem, but you made a lot of basic errors. Lots of punctuation and grammatical errors. That, and the flow and rhythm are very choppy and off. Try and make your poem flow. If you read it out loud, it should just flow, and it's hard to describe it any other way. *ponders* Almost like it could be sung to a nice, even tune.

Keep trying!