View Full Version : The Black Jewel of Rayquaza

Varied Deoxys
April 12th, 2004, 2:26 PM
Every year in Laveridge Town, a ceremony would be held, celebrating the birth of Rayquaza. In the middle of the town, a tower would stand. A few feet above it, a jewel would float. This Black Jewel signified that under Rayquaza's protection, everyone in Laveridge town would be safe. Until one day.

A crowd began to gather around the tower of the Black Jewel. Then, out of the crowd, 3 fire crakers, painted to look like Rayquaza, flew into the air, all three crashing into eachother, just over the jewel, the crash causing a great explosion, engulfing the jewel.

When the smoke cleared, a Rayquaza began to float over the tower, and the jewel was unaffected.

"Look, it's Rayquaza!" shouted a member of the crowd, excitedly.

"Wow, I wish I was as strong as Rayquaza!" said a young boy, staring at the Rayquaza in the sky.

The powerful Dragon Pokemon roared happily, swooping down near the crowd, gently nudging the same boy that marveled over Rayquaza's power.

"You want me, to ride you?" Asked the boy not believing what was happening to him.

Rayquaza nodded his head. The boy sat on his neck, holding on tight. Rayquaza flew into the air, making swirls and spins around itself, due to it's long body. He did it gently though, so he wouldn't hurt the boy.

"Wow, this is the greatest day of my life!" Said the boy, laughing gleefully.

Then, the Black Jewel suddenly turned a blood red palette of color. The Rayquaza noticed this and quickly swooped down back into the crowd and gently dropped off the boy and flew towards the jewel.

Before he could reach the jewel however, A huge stone ascending very fastly from the ground shot straight towards Rayquaza, a direct hit. The Rayquaza roared in pain, but Rayquaza quickly recovered. Then, a huge blast of electricity from the clouds struck down, htting the Rayquaza. The Rayquaza roared even louder than before, but recovered from that too. Where did the stone and the bolt of elctricity come from?

A Groundon moved through the crowd of people. People were screaming and running away from the monster. Then, multiple rocks shot from the ground towards Rayquaza. Anciant Power. Rayquaza dodged most of them, but got hit with a few. Then, from the clouds, a Kyogre swooped down and began to spit a purple substance from his mouth. Toxic. This purple fluid got caught in one of Rayquazas eyes, slowly working away at Rayquazas body.

From a mountain edge nearby, a trenched boy, looking about 14 watched this battle. A devilish smirk upon his face. His brown hair slowly blowing in the wind.

After all these years, it has finally begun. The Battle of the Gods. Whoever wins this battle... shall be mine! said the boy, a Master Ball enlarging in his hand.

To be continued

(What do you all think of my fic so far? This is my first time ever writing a fic before, so positive criticism is appreciated.)

April 12th, 2004, 4:05 PM
Well you could describe how the Rayquaza really looked like and the Groudon. Description is your friend. It could be a little longer.other than that it has a great plot. So I will be looking foward to more young writer.

Varied Deoxys
April 12th, 2004, 4:30 PM
Well, I didn't really describe most of the characters besides the boy on the mountain edge, because I would expect people at a Pokemon Message Board to know what Groudon, Kyogre, and Rayquaza looked like. I really only describe things in detail when there is some sort of battle or a very important event.

oni flygon
June 17th, 2004, 3:01 PM
how'd kyogre learn toxic(he'd need a trainer for that and that means he;s trained?) and swoop down from the clouds. I think there should be details and a different setting. If rayquaza appears every year how is it a rarity? And why did he let the boy ride him? You should add details. Sorry if I made you mad with my critism. You don't HAVE to listen to me.

Mister Bird Lord, please refrain from pointing out the obvious. You keep on telling everyone to add more detail and add more detail. Some people need to start from a humble beginning to become a good writer. Well, if you want people to add more detail to their fanfics, I'd be glad to read one of yours and I may as well lay down my opinions.

June 20th, 2004, 4:09 AM
this story is exciting(sp?) and i also think that on a pokemon board people should know what rayquaza and groudon and kyoger looks like ((NO OFFENCE))

The Bird Lord
June 21st, 2004, 12:39 PM
Sorry. I meant no offense. I was in a bit of hurry when I typed that and forgot to review it. I also forgot to mention the good plot. I've an idea for my fanfiction- Chickens..........