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4gt10//Kitsune
December 21st, 2006, 10:36 PM
OK, I've decided to try my luck at posting a poem. I'd like to start out by saying that I was in an extremely wacked out mood when I wrote this, so that would explain the theme. I'd like to note that if you see this anywhere else, it belongs to me. I have submitted it on other sites, so if you see it somewhere, PM me and ask if that was me who submitted it. And C&C is appreciated. Anyways, without further ado...
~~~~~~~
Nothing is ever normal.
Nothing is as it seems.
For I'm walking in my own shoes,
Walking through my dreams.

Swirling misty colors,
Waterfalls in reverse,
I'm stranded inside my head,
Or under some kind of curse.

I could run a mile,
And only move an inch,
Walk in an open space,
And feel like I'm in a pinch.

Confused beyond all reason,
No logic here is found,
I'm floating in the skies above,
A mile beneath the ground.

I'm flying like a dove,
Underneath the sea,
Experiencing the impossible,
And things that could not be.

I'm trapped inside my mind,
My body's somewhere else,
In my mind I hear the ringing,
The ringing of the bells.

I'm swimming in a diet coke,
Flying on a paper plane,
The people outside of my own world,
Say that this place is called "Insane."

But I'm am not alone here,
I've got lots of friends,
There's Mr. Match and Mrs. Scissors,
The fun here never ends.

Will you come to my world?
We'll celebrate with cake,
And if you say you will not come,
Then that is your mistake.

Come to the world where ice is hot,
And fire's cold to the touch,
And we'll all be waiting here,
Trust us, you're missing much.

In the land where nothing exists,
Outside of your mind,
There is no need to worry,
We've all left that behind.

The clock has stricken midnight,
The madness now begins,
Cause' in the land of insanity,
There's no such thing as sins.

I've lost my mind,
You've lost it too,
At least that's what the man in the coffee cup said,
And the old lady who lived in the shoe.

Let's have a party,
All our friends will be there,
The little green man and my barber,
And the cat with no hair.

Come here with me and all of my friends,
To the place I call my home,
Come to the land of insanity,
Where you'll never be alone.

Merzbau
December 26th, 2006, 10:43 AM
You, my friend, know what you're doing. Shame that true talent gets pushed aside for the easier-to-swallow stuff.

I really liked this. 9/10. Honestly, you can go places with that. I'll leave it to the other more critical reviewers to tell you exactly what to do with it.

Yesterday
January 21st, 2007, 04:10 PM
well, you did make up the length with some nice rhymes. I like the concept of insanity, and really, I like how there's a change in topic for once cuz there's just too many love poems, you know? I mean, I write em too, but I get sick of em too... >.< anyways, I like how your poem wanders like how insanity wanders and I really, really like your descriptions and in vividness. That's all I can say ^w^

btw your siggy is kinda creepy >.<