Palamon
Silence is Purple
- 8,158
- Posts
- 15
- Years
- Age 27
- he/him
- Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
- Seen today
Scars are permanent. There's no sugarcoating it, and pretending it's not the truth. It's the truth. Scars are permanent, forever, they never go away. Visible or not, they'll always be there. Be it surgery, mental scars, emotional (it's the same thing as mental, really), or scars you give to yourself.
Scars hurt. They throb. They're there. Mental scars haunt us and grasp you. I know the former much more than the latter, but everyone has their own mental scars. Whether you realize it or not.
Do I deserve the scars I have? Of course I do. Of course I deserve the scars I have since I gave them to myself. Are they visible? I cover them, so why would they be? I don't want anyone to see them. Of course they're not explicitly obvious anyway, but they're there, and I can see them. In fact, they're throbbing as I type this. White scars throb. I know they do. I have at least six of them. And I deserve them. I deserve the torture. I know I do.
And to all those people out there who cut themselves...
STOP.
I've been there and done that, and all you're left with is permanent scars. I won't lie that during that time, I just wanted to feel something, but it became an addiction and the addiction went from cutting to even worse things. Find another outlet. Draw a butterfly or something you like on your wrists, arms, or whatever, just don't cut yourself. Write a story, something, cutting is not worth it. You could cut a vein and die. Do you want that? Do you want that? Well, do you want your veins to be dyed in red? Of course not. I understand some people won't stop/don't know how to stop, I was like that, too, and I won't deny I'm not 100% self harm free, but I don't cut myself anymore. I threw my paper clips away, my parents found out I was stealing their's anyway, so they hid them from me. I haven't made an attempt to look for them, neither have I tried to steal paper clips in a long time. Of course, I'm still trying to stop "pen poking", but I'm getting there.
That was the stupidest thing I could do to myself, the feelings literally still linger, but I suppress them. I just sit and watch a ton of anime instead of stealing paperclips and using them against me. I'm over that. I stopped, and the scars are my punishment.
I'm almost eighteen. I'm going to be an "adult" in the eyes of the law, not so much mentally, but in the eyes of the law, I'll be an adult. I don't want to grow up, but sometimes, we all have to, now don't we?
If I could go back in time, I'd go back to the point where I started hurting myself and make it so it never happened. But changing the past ruins the future, regardless if it's positive or negative change.
Scars are forever. They never go away, and even if they did, they're still going to torture you.
And I know that, as mine will always be there. Hiding from the human race. I even created a character who has a scar going from his wrist all the way to his shoulder to cope with the fact that I have scars. That helped me for quite a long time, and I think I'm never going to accept what I did to myself.
People have it harder than me, of course they do, but sometimes I wonder: what if I was truly a happy person and not acting as one? I wonder if none of this would have happened? It wouldn't have. Happy people have no reason to cut themselves, and happy people aren't very common. I'm not a happy person, I don't remember happy. I highly doubt I'll ever be happy until I like myself, which won't be any time soon, to be honest.
Until then, I'll just hopefully get somewhere in life, and not amount to nothing and be the cockroach I feel like I am.
Scars hurt. They throb. They're there. Mental scars haunt us and grasp you. I know the former much more than the latter, but everyone has their own mental scars. Whether you realize it or not.
Do I deserve the scars I have? Of course I do. Of course I deserve the scars I have since I gave them to myself. Are they visible? I cover them, so why would they be? I don't want anyone to see them. Of course they're not explicitly obvious anyway, but they're there, and I can see them. In fact, they're throbbing as I type this. White scars throb. I know they do. I have at least six of them. And I deserve them. I deserve the torture. I know I do.
And to all those people out there who cut themselves...
STOP.
I've been there and done that, and all you're left with is permanent scars. I won't lie that during that time, I just wanted to feel something, but it became an addiction and the addiction went from cutting to even worse things. Find another outlet. Draw a butterfly or something you like on your wrists, arms, or whatever, just don't cut yourself. Write a story, something, cutting is not worth it. You could cut a vein and die. Do you want that? Do you want that? Well, do you want your veins to be dyed in red? Of course not. I understand some people won't stop/don't know how to stop, I was like that, too, and I won't deny I'm not 100% self harm free, but I don't cut myself anymore. I threw my paper clips away, my parents found out I was stealing their's anyway, so they hid them from me. I haven't made an attempt to look for them, neither have I tried to steal paper clips in a long time. Of course, I'm still trying to stop "pen poking", but I'm getting there.
That was the stupidest thing I could do to myself, the feelings literally still linger, but I suppress them. I just sit and watch a ton of anime instead of stealing paperclips and using them against me. I'm over that. I stopped, and the scars are my punishment.
I'm almost eighteen. I'm going to be an "adult" in the eyes of the law, not so much mentally, but in the eyes of the law, I'll be an adult. I don't want to grow up, but sometimes, we all have to, now don't we?
If I could go back in time, I'd go back to the point where I started hurting myself and make it so it never happened. But changing the past ruins the future, regardless if it's positive or negative change.
Scars are forever. They never go away, and even if they did, they're still going to torture you.
And I know that, as mine will always be there. Hiding from the human race. I even created a character who has a scar going from his wrist all the way to his shoulder to cope with the fact that I have scars. That helped me for quite a long time, and I think I'm never going to accept what I did to myself.
People have it harder than me, of course they do, but sometimes I wonder: what if I was truly a happy person and not acting as one? I wonder if none of this would have happened? It wouldn't have. Happy people have no reason to cut themselves, and happy people aren't very common. I'm not a happy person, I don't remember happy. I highly doubt I'll ever be happy until I like myself, which won't be any time soon, to be honest.
Until then, I'll just hopefully get somewhere in life, and not amount to nothing and be the cockroach I feel like I am.
