I swear I wasn't going to blog.

But.. I had to in this case. After reading Nica's blog entry, she thought it was for the best if I made a blog of my own opinion.

What Nica said, really touched me. I never knew I could have such good friends over the internet. Though, at this moment, there may be a few people who have issues with me, I'm not sure if they'll read this. In all hopes, I want them too, or just one particular person.

No, I don't hate you, I never said I hated you. I was just really upset with what you did, but I understand why. I never took the time to talk to you, because I fear confrontation. I don't IM people first on MSN, because most of the time, our convos die and it makes me feel bad. Though I can put the effort into talking a bit more to get some attention, I usually just ignore it and move on. And we've all done that, and most people I know don't IM others for the same reason. But, I'm sorry if I said anything to you, that made you think I hated you. I never really got the chance to apologise since you changed emails.. I want to go back to how it was before, before all this drama.

Things said today.. I don't regret, unfortunately. I don't take back what I said, because I was just defending myself. But still.. If one requests you not to talk about something, can you just do what they say and leave it? Not blow up in someone's face, saying they're stuck up, an idiot and selfish for keeping it yourself. Though, you do say you can fix the issue, it has nothing to do with you. I know.. They're your friend, but still, if I don't want to talk about it, just leave it. Beacuse sometimes, I just want to keep things to myself, because on the internet, nothing is safe. I don't need others to interfere with my issues and for people to go behind my back, and telling others.. Why not just address the issue with me and ask me about it. You call me immature, but talking about someone behind their back, isn't that immature itself? People side with one another, and say really hurtful things. I don't have the best confidence in the world, and the things that were about me and to me, really hurt me. Swearing at me won't do you much good, calling me an idiot.. That just makes everything worse. Saying I'm a b****, making fun of my appearance, making fun of my weight, that is just low. I won't ever forgive the person who said such cruel and horrible things to me, sadly. I've been lied to enough already, I don't need fake people in my life. I don't want to have to deal with the taunting anymore. Thus, I don't care about what anyone has to say about me. Though, I just lost two friends now, because of this, the third? I don't care about them anymore.

But they won't accept my apology, and so.. I've come to terms with it. I can't say anything to change it anymore. And no, blocking someone doesn't mean you're hiding from someone. I despise e-drama and I will do anything to avoid it.

And in saying this, yes this is a rant blog, but I'm afraid more people will talk behind my back, so this is my side of the story.

Thank you to whoever took the time to read all this, I appreciate it.

Malyka, what happened today was.... stupid, I know. But... it feels like it happened for a reason. The mentioned people were probably hiding these feelings all along, and I can't get why they would do that.

We may not have known each other for long, but I'll stick at your side for as long as I can, because to me... you're a true friend.

awwww :3

btw:

DIEIDEIDIEIDEIDIEDIEDIEIDIED YOU HATERZ. GNDSLKJGBDS Ponlj!

Yeah everyone seems to be in the apologizing and starting over mood... But I'm here so pissed off that people would take something so little so far that I'm steaming... some things you gotta make up for... other things have to end in a fight (not this though...)

Kinda disappointed this happened and that I've actually had to go into a "serious" mode over the internet for the first second time ever.

Good, making an entry makes everything better.

'cept you typo'd.

I fixed it, damn it. XD

I'm sorry, Malyka. Even though we've only been friends a while, I'll help you with anything *hugs*

lololol Not @ the blog.
But I love you bby. Always and forever <3333

Alright, so I know I really don't have anything to do with this (I don't even know what went on) but after reading this, I just want to say a few words:

Malyka, you were like... my first "kinda friend" on PC. The first person to act nicely towards me. I remember the first time I spoke to you like it was yesterday; I PM'd you to ask how you inserted the links into the picture in your signature. It was the day I discovered CSS (thanks to you). It was also the day you probably realized how second guessing I am of myself--how I kept asking if I was annoying you and such. And even if I was, you never let on that you were in the least bit irritated by some random little brat nagging at you. I know, I know; it may seem small now, but that was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me on this forum. You were my role model. Why do you think I started hanging around the graphics section, sucking up to you every chance I got? You were the creator of my first signature, which I wore with pride. I can't exactly remember when it was that we actually became "friends", but I do know that I've treasured our friendship ever since. And maybe that's not what I am to you; maybe you only conisder me as an "acquaintance" or whatever, but it doesn't matter, because to me, you're a great friend.

Anyway, with that out of the way, I just wanted to say that I'll always be around to listen if you ever need help. Reading this post and Nica's post was heart breaking; it made me realize what a bad friend I've been. I mean, here you are pouring your heart out, and I don't even know what the hell is going on. It just frustrated me so much. I want to help. I want to help so much, but I know that I've ruined that chance for myself by neglecting this forum let alone my friends.

As you've probably figured out by now, I have no idea who's been talking behind your back, but I can promise you that I've never said anything bad about you to anyone, and I'd stand up for you 'til I was blue in the face if ever I heard anyone bad-mouthing you.

Malyka, you're a great person. And I'm not just saying that to cheer you up. You're truly and honestly an amazing soul. You're kind, caring, funny, mature, empathetic, inspiring, cheerful, and the list goes on and on. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise, understand?

So, yeah... I know this might come as a shock to you. I'm usually not this emotional, but I just thought you should hear this. Hopefully we can start talking again. I don't meant to sound desperate or anything, I just miss how it used to be.

And I really hope you're not to weirded out by all of this...

Lol, there's my second-guessing kicking in again.



Paranoia to the max <3