- 10,673
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- 15
- Years
- Age 30
- Seen Dec 30, 2023
It's been one of "those" days. Another saying you hear all the time, but never do you care to define it. Perhaps it cannot. But, I've just had, one of those days. You know when you wake up, and you have a really nice afternoon with little or nothing on your mind, you simply relax, do what it is that you enjoy, then, as you try to give something back, it turns upside-down on you?
For the past few months I've been worried about what it is I'm going to do with my life, where I want to go. But at one point, I thought I had it all figured out. Where I was going, what course I'd be taking, who I'd be living with, where the money would come from, and so on. But the day after, it all just reverted in the opposite direction. Come September I'll have made my choices, but between now and then, I'm limited to a lose-lose situation unless something changes. I either stay where I am, try find a course in this city that I like, away from my girlfriend, my friends (except one), and a new place, a new start. Or, I do what most of my family don't want me to do, and move away, up to Capitol city where my girlfriend of 2 years is going, as well as a decent amount of friends. It offers more opportunity, a new place, more excitement, rather than dying the slow death of living in the city you grew up in. In saying that, if my girlfriend was staying here, I'd be much more comfortable. Moving away at a young age is expensive, very expensive. I don't fancy experiencing living on Corn Flakes.
Anyway, it's one of those days where, when something happens, all of the things you worry about come flooding back into your mind. It's seriously one of those things that unless you have it all figured out, you're just not going to be completely happy. And currently it's not exactly going to be resolved very quickly.
The one person in the world I want to rely on, isn't able to be that cushion. It's become a situation whereby I need them to, or my options are limited to one choice, and that would to simply go through the next few months alone, disregard facing college, my future and what I want to do with support beside me, and know that I'm stuck to figure this out on my own. I don't have any backing from family, they only ever tell me that I'm wrong, and yet they don't let me know what the right thing to do is.
If I was able to be alone, to escape from everyone I've ever known, move away, and start a new life, know new people, and live somewhere with no more voices in my head and some day actually find someone I can rely on; I'd do it. But I'm not strong enough, I'm still living in a pipe dream holding hopes that someone and certain things will pull through for me.
Life is about decisions, there is no such thing as a mistake. Simply wrong choices; and choices are what we all make. Every day we do, and if you want to be right, then you take time in what your answer is, and you think, you consider your options. And even though I know this, and I have tried, I have not found one resolution. My heart doesn't follow anything, because it is torn between love, home, desire, hopes and sense. Every person can find all those things in their life, in one place, but the options I have do not hold enough of either.
So what do you do when you, and nobody else can make your decision?
For the past few months I've been worried about what it is I'm going to do with my life, where I want to go. But at one point, I thought I had it all figured out. Where I was going, what course I'd be taking, who I'd be living with, where the money would come from, and so on. But the day after, it all just reverted in the opposite direction. Come September I'll have made my choices, but between now and then, I'm limited to a lose-lose situation unless something changes. I either stay where I am, try find a course in this city that I like, away from my girlfriend, my friends (except one), and a new place, a new start. Or, I do what most of my family don't want me to do, and move away, up to Capitol city where my girlfriend of 2 years is going, as well as a decent amount of friends. It offers more opportunity, a new place, more excitement, rather than dying the slow death of living in the city you grew up in. In saying that, if my girlfriend was staying here, I'd be much more comfortable. Moving away at a young age is expensive, very expensive. I don't fancy experiencing living on Corn Flakes.
Anyway, it's one of those days where, when something happens, all of the things you worry about come flooding back into your mind. It's seriously one of those things that unless you have it all figured out, you're just not going to be completely happy. And currently it's not exactly going to be resolved very quickly.
The one person in the world I want to rely on, isn't able to be that cushion. It's become a situation whereby I need them to, or my options are limited to one choice, and that would to simply go through the next few months alone, disregard facing college, my future and what I want to do with support beside me, and know that I'm stuck to figure this out on my own. I don't have any backing from family, they only ever tell me that I'm wrong, and yet they don't let me know what the right thing to do is.
If I was able to be alone, to escape from everyone I've ever known, move away, and start a new life, know new people, and live somewhere with no more voices in my head and some day actually find someone I can rely on; I'd do it. But I'm not strong enough, I'm still living in a pipe dream holding hopes that someone and certain things will pull through for me.
Life is about decisions, there is no such thing as a mistake. Simply wrong choices; and choices are what we all make. Every day we do, and if you want to be right, then you take time in what your answer is, and you think, you consider your options. And even though I know this, and I have tried, I have not found one resolution. My heart doesn't follow anything, because it is torn between love, home, desire, hopes and sense. Every person can find all those things in their life, in one place, but the options I have do not hold enough of either.
So what do you do when you, and nobody else can make your decision?
