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~Decisions~ :: Piles of Smiles?

Kurui

Kageroza's Waifu
286
Posts
11
Years
    • "Shilotta in my dreams when I sleep."


    NN's 'My Shi'. One of the many love songs dedicated to me. I own nothing but my name.

    ~~**~~

    Wedding Bells:

    My fingers and heart tremble. I can do nothing but wait for his arrival, he who has proposed marriage to me those years ago. Fate had brought us together and drove us apart, only to let us find each other once again. Why is my smile for someone else, then?

    The wedding date is drawing nearer and nearer. Soon our reign of night will begin as we become one flesh. Kageroza-kun.......It wasn't supposed to be like this. Toad.......my happiness is still all for you recently. Who is this familiar spirit that once held my love so tightly? His name is Nightmare Nadia, that's right, but the olden days when his magic fulfilled me seems so far away.

    When I see the brim of his top hat poke out from the plane, see his capes swaying with the breeze, see his black lips part in greeting, what will become of the past? Maybe the feelings will return and wipe out everything. Just as before. But this time I don't want to forget.

    My groom comes quickly. Please save me.

    ~~**~~

    Marriage:

    Yes, that was my decision.

    I'll be getting married to long-term on again off again lover, Nightmare Nadia. Not long after I've been widowed by the love of my life. Not long after dumping the one guy that made me happy again.

    I'll take photos of the wedding, too, to show everyone here, whoever reads my blog..........I don't know who on this particular forum does.

    It was a pretty hasty decision. Nothing will make the feelings for him go away. I just hope my feelings for my deceased husbando and Toad won't cause friction between my soon to be husband and myself. I've always had troubles with men. Many like me, many have asked me to marry them, but I only have ever liked a few out of the hundreds.

    Listening to his love songs to me helps choose him again. I won't be so lonely anymore, right? The space Kageroza-kun created when he passed is becoming unbearable now that my new obsession won't let me even look at him.

    Sometimes I want to stay alone and widowed. But more I think I just want something stable. Someone there to help and to love. I just hope I can learn to love again the monster that destroyed me and drove me into Kageroza-kun's arms to begin with. But he's such a beautiful monster.

    I think I can give a millionth chance to something that pretty.
    ​
     
    Kura

    Kura

    twitter.com/puccarts
    10,994
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • You realize you don't need to marry to love right? Are you acting like a torn soul on purpose? I mean, yes, I understand it hurts if you lost someone recently- I have too. But calm down and stop jumping the gun so rashly.

    And.. you wonder who reads your blogs? Well.. my question for you: Why do you never respond to your blog posts?
     

    Kurui

    Kageroza's Waifu
    286
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Kura;bt78905 said:
    You realize you don't need to marry to love right? Are you acting like a torn soul on purpose? I mean, yes, I understand it hurts if you lost someone recently- I have too. But calm down and stop jumping the gun so rashly.

    And.. you wonder who reads your blogs? Well.. my question for you: Why do you never respond to your blog posts?
    Click to expand...

    I usually do, don't I? Unless I missed some o.o I just seem to have a ton of conflicting emotions really. It's the first time I've ever have. It's a pain to deal with. I blame the loss of Kageroza-kun for that. I don't know if people online know just how deep in I was. ^^;;

    I was engaged to NN before so it's not jumping TOO rashly. Mine and his falling out is what lead me into a relationship with Kageroza-kun to begin with. I guess the feelings for NN are still there and whenever he's pressurizing me to be back with him and marry him ASAP, it's like this tugging. But it's scary too.

    I don't know. I am torn. Lately. It's not like I can have what i want anymore.
     
    Kura

    Kura

    twitter.com/puccarts
    10,994
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Don't let anyone control what you do. If they love you, they will let you go at your own pace. That just sounds ridiculous.

    Imagine if I got a new boyfriend and he began pressuring me for sex when I wasn't ready? What would you tell me? What if he started to say things like "If you wont have sex with me then it's over!"
    Let's say you were a good friend to me.. what would you tell me about my situation?

    Same goes for you. You need to be your own best friend in situations like these, because no one else can decide these things for you. You need some time to recover from the last breakup before going into another one. You need time to feel lonely. Feeling lonely is OK. We are born alone and we die alone, too. You need to realize and be content with being with yourself. It shouldn't be scary. And no, very few people can actually have what they want.. but it shouldn't mean you should make rash decisions based on what you think is "the next best thing."

    Because honey, it's not. Good things take a bit of time and a lot of reflection.

    I think it's jumping too rashly because you are obviously still hurt by his passing and still healing. If you are torn, you are moving too quickly and NN needs to respect that. If he doesn't then he is not worth it.


    And no, I obviously don't understand your personal relationship, no. But it did take me 7 years to get over one guy I once knew in the past. It is a long time and it is hard to move on, but I can definitely understand how it is to be in deep.


    Also, to be honest, I still don't really understand most of your blogs, nor the people who you are referring to, but I do try my best to understand.

    Hope this helps.
     
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