Y'know what. I'm done.

I'm done caring. I'm done wanting approval. I just don't care anymore. No matter what I do, I'll never get it.
I've never been this angry, not for a long time. I keep trying to please people, I don't want to be hated. But no matter how hard I try, everyone hates me anyway.

It isn't nice finding out that everyone you care about, and want to like you, have been *****ing about you. They are telling me I'm kissing up to someone, I'll call S for now. I'm not, I'm nice to S all the time yes, but that's cause S is the only person I know who doesn't treat me like a slave, or is a prick to me.

I was told a friend (K) was angry at me for going downstairs to hang out with my sister (C) and S. I talked to her, she wasn't. But her brother and C had apparently been saying stuff about me behind my back, and lots of people agree apparently. Well, they can get stuffed.

I don't know who to trust anymore. My own Sister *****ed about me. If you read my last entry, you'll see that I was already paranoid that that was happening. It was. Now I can't trust anyone. I'm only talking to K and S because they're the only ones who would tell me to my face what they think about me.

It annoys me that they wouldn't say it to my face. How am I supposed to be a better person if they wont help me?!
I just had yet another emotional breakdown. I'm angry and crying. Not a good combination.

I'm not asking for sympathy. This blog is to tell you all I don't give a flying crap if you guys have a problem with me. But for gods sake, tell me if you do. I'd rather have loads of people openly hate me than having them all hate me behind my back.

So that's it. I'm done caring.

A while ago, I created a blog entry about this as well. It was happening with both my offline and online friends, and it was really difficult to see who was really my friend, and who was putting a masquerade on infront of me and pretending to be my friend. I withdrew from it all for a few days and didn't talk to anyone with the exception of four people I knew who were my friends and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Four people who were all rather protective of me; one in particular, actually. It was then that I decided that I didn't care. If they didn't like me, in my opinion, it was their loss.

I knew who I was, and I wasn't going to try to change it to better suit the people who I weren't sure of liking me. If they didn't like it, they could piss off. Its not like they would really care either way, and for a while I thought that it would be hard to cope with, but its for the best to just get on with life and rid those people from communicating with you.

Now I really don't give a damn what people (with the exception of those four people) think of me. But those four people grew to become about ten or so who I care about and who care about me. Their opinion matters more to me than my own, it seems. But I don't ask for their approval of who I am. They already approve of me and its nice.

...Did I just contradict myself?

I hope you see where I'm coming from, regardless.

Anyway, I'm the type of person who directly tells someone how I feel about them without sugar coating it and I ask the same in return from those opinions I care about. As for everyone else, that's great if you dislike me. But I really don't care.

But as much as I say I'm not going to change for them, the people who are my friends are changing me. I'm stating to call everyone gurl and being obsessed with Cherrim and.. omg.. I'm even starting to tolerate PCs. :(

._. I like you.... ;O;...

I get what you mean. That's what I'm gonna do.
If they don't like me, they can get stuffed. I'm not gonna change for anyone anymore.

You shouldn't change. People should like you for you.

And, I'm with Kura, I like you too. :>

Thanks guys. :3
It's nice to know when people like me.

What Kura said was exactly right on the dot. You are who you are and you make your own decisions. No one can step in and tell you, you should do this and that when it's not what you want. Unless it really is right information, I guess it makes a difference. I don't know you well, but I'm pretty sure you're on my good list. xD