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Expectations vs Reality: being flat.

Palamon

Palamon

Silence is Purple
8,146
Posts
15
Years
Gender dysphoria. Yeah, just something quick I need to say.

Okay, besides organs (which I cry about a lot, okay), dysphoria doesn't end with that. I said I'd be quick, and not super negative. So... here goes, I guess? I'll limit myself to... a paragraph.

So, I've noticed how, when it comes to body dypshoria, there's one thing I'm most bothered by, in terms of appearance. Granted I'm small all over and have a very puny body, because I'm thin. That's... from many things I won't get into right now, and that's kind of not what this entry is about. Okay, well, I was going to be ~figurative!~ and super vague about this since... I'm scared to use this word, without being... looked at funny, I guess, but no one would do that since, dysphoria has been kicking my ass hard since the beginning of this year...

TL;DR, okay wow, I'm off topic.

But it helps push the content down...

ANYWAY.

...I notice I'm very dysphoric about my breasts. Yeah. Whenever they're not flat, I kind of freak out, since... I'm not a girl, and I'm trying the hardest I can to appear flat in the clothes I wear. I mean, to begin with, I'm small there, too, but you can still see them, and it bothers me. I do plan to (until I somehow come into money for surgery to make my body genderless), at least try to either get more black clothes to make me flatter or get ~tools for this. I'm way too small for a chest binder, so I have other options. This morning, I wouldn't leave the house until I figured out what shirt made me feel comfortable and flat looking.

A sweater was what worked or today.

And a friend is helping me (as if it isn't obvious by now who that is) look into genderqueer communities online atm. When I feel comfortable with trying, I'm going to give them a go.

For now, dysphoria isn't going to win. I wish I could come out of the closet about my gender issues irl, but I live in a very unhealthy household for all that stuff people get called out for on Tumblr, and this is a bad analogy, so I'll go now.

Sorry for wasting time again.
 
Kura

Kura

twitter.com/puccarts
10,994
Posts
19
Years
Just do some basic cosplay binding.. (I've done the tape-method over a shirt before with good results and at the time I had E cups) work hard, get a good job, and get surgery :)

If you're too thin, I'd focus more on your health than your looks. Trust me on this; I've gone through something similar, and it's not good to be underweight.

Also, I'm also struggling with this, but learning to accept yourself with what features you have now is something that would really help. Really wondering what truly defines masculinity and femininity and the fact that it's oftentimes something that we have our own perceptions about. My guy friend who used to be overweight now has "breasts" because of the leftover loose skin.. but does that make him any less of a man? No. Some of my girl friends are very flat chested and I don't think they should feel any less feminine for it.

I hope you find a way that makes you happy, though. I think overall, happiness and health is the most important thing to focus on. I tell myself this a lot. I don't want my own image of myself to ever detract from who I -feel- I could become.
 
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