Palamon
Silence is Purple
- 8,158
- Posts
- 15
- Years
- Age 27
- he/him
- Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
- Seen today
Gender dysphoria. Yeah, just something quick I need to say.
Okay, besides organs (which I cry about a lot, okay), dysphoria doesn't end with that. I said I'd be quick, and not super negative. So... here goes, I guess? I'll limit myself to... a paragraph.
So, I've noticed how, when it comes to body dypshoria, there's one thing I'm most bothered by, in terms of appearance. Granted I'm small all over and have a very puny body, because I'm thin. That's... from many things I won't get into right now, and that's kind of not what this entry is about. Okay, well, I was going to be ~figurative!~ and super vague about this since... I'm scared to use this word, without being... looked at funny, I guess, but no one would do that since, dysphoria has been kicking my ass hard since the beginning of this year...
TL;DR, okay wow, I'm off topic.
But it helps push the content down...
ANYWAY.
...I notice I'm very dysphoric about my breasts. Yeah. Whenever they're not flat, I kind of freak out, since... I'm not a girl, and I'm trying the hardest I can to appear flat in the clothes I wear. I mean, to begin with, I'm small there, too, but you can still see them, and it bothers me. I do plan to (until I somehow come into money for surgery to make my body genderless), at least try to either get more black clothes to make me flatter or get ~tools for this. I'm way too small for a chest binder, so I have other options. This morning, I wouldn't leave the house until I figured out what shirt made me feel comfortable and flat looking.
A sweater was what worked or today.
And a friend is helping me (as if it isn't obvious by now who that is) look into genderqueer communities online atm. When I feel comfortable with trying, I'm going to give them a go.
For now, dysphoria isn't going to win. I wish I could come out of the closet about my gender issues irl, but I live in a very unhealthy household for all that stuff people get called out for on Tumblr, and this is a bad analogy, so I'll go now.
Sorry for wasting time again.
Okay, besides organs (which I cry about a lot, okay), dysphoria doesn't end with that. I said I'd be quick, and not super negative. So... here goes, I guess? I'll limit myself to... a paragraph.
So, I've noticed how, when it comes to body dypshoria, there's one thing I'm most bothered by, in terms of appearance. Granted I'm small all over and have a very puny body, because I'm thin. That's... from many things I won't get into right now, and that's kind of not what this entry is about. Okay, well, I was going to be ~figurative!~ and super vague about this since... I'm scared to use this word, without being... looked at funny, I guess, but no one would do that since, dysphoria has been kicking my ass hard since the beginning of this year...
TL;DR, okay wow, I'm off topic.
But it helps push the content down...
ANYWAY.
...I notice I'm very dysphoric about my breasts. Yeah. Whenever they're not flat, I kind of freak out, since... I'm not a girl, and I'm trying the hardest I can to appear flat in the clothes I wear. I mean, to begin with, I'm small there, too, but you can still see them, and it bothers me. I do plan to (until I somehow come into money for surgery to make my body genderless), at least try to either get more black clothes to make me flatter or get ~tools for this. I'm way too small for a chest binder, so I have other options. This morning, I wouldn't leave the house until I figured out what shirt made me feel comfortable and flat looking.
A sweater was what worked or today.
And a friend is helping me (as if it isn't obvious by now who that is) look into genderqueer communities online atm. When I feel comfortable with trying, I'm going to give them a go.
For now, dysphoria isn't going to win. I wish I could come out of the closet about my gender issues irl, but I live in a very unhealthy household for all that stuff people get called out for on Tumblr, and this is a bad analogy, so I'll go now.
Sorry for wasting time again.