Palamon
Silence is Purple
- 8,161
- Posts
- 15
- Years
- Age 27
- he/him
- Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
- Seen today
Green Day - Misery™.
Since...the grande city of ever (EGC) is down still, I'll blog here today in an attempt to be "happy."
I'll ask this again: what is happiness?
I don't remember. I forgot what it was so long ago. I haven't been happy in ages. Once depression and chemical imbalance hit you, you lose to the depression. You slowly crack, and things that normally don't bother you, bother you for dumb reasons. You feel, hopeless, lonely, and like you want to escape your life.
Am I hopeless? I sure feel it. I've felt hopeless for so long. I have no hope that I have a future. I know there's no future for a little, little, little girl like me. No future for me.
And of course I'm lonely. Sure, I have my Internet friends, but I've never met any of you...so I just have to guess what it would be like to physically meet anyone I've met online. I'm always lonely. I feel alone all the time even with people. I can't relate to anyone irl. I don't know why I feel this way?
Do I want to escape life? The scars I have could tell all to that one. =/ But let's not go into an episode on that since that's gotten better. I haven't tried anything in a few days. I guess mentally, I'm healthier right now. But do I want to escape life? A lot, and since I know I can't, I kill myself off in literature instead. Albiet, as characters. This is a practice I use to feel better and cope with my feelings.
My psychologist hasn't called to make an appointment, so it seems I can't get anti-depressants anytime soon...
In the back of my mind, I know I also need to fix the damage I've done from not eating a lot. I'm now 89.0 pounds and still losing. I don't mean to, I just don't seem to like eating.
Operation: mature and get mentally better--initiate.
Since...the grande city of ever (EGC) is down still, I'll blog here today in an attempt to be "happy."
I'll ask this again: what is happiness?
I don't remember. I forgot what it was so long ago. I haven't been happy in ages. Once depression and chemical imbalance hit you, you lose to the depression. You slowly crack, and things that normally don't bother you, bother you for dumb reasons. You feel, hopeless, lonely, and like you want to escape your life.
Am I hopeless? I sure feel it. I've felt hopeless for so long. I have no hope that I have a future. I know there's no future for a little, little, little girl like me. No future for me.
And of course I'm lonely. Sure, I have my Internet friends, but I've never met any of you...so I just have to guess what it would be like to physically meet anyone I've met online. I'm always lonely. I feel alone all the time even with people. I can't relate to anyone irl. I don't know why I feel this way?
Do I want to escape life? The scars I have could tell all to that one. =/ But let's not go into an episode on that since that's gotten better. I haven't tried anything in a few days. I guess mentally, I'm healthier right now. But do I want to escape life? A lot, and since I know I can't, I kill myself off in literature instead. Albiet, as characters. This is a practice I use to feel better and cope with my feelings.
My psychologist hasn't called to make an appointment, so it seems I can't get anti-depressants anytime soon...
In the back of my mind, I know I also need to fix the damage I've done from not eating a lot. I'm now 89.0 pounds and still losing. I don't mean to, I just don't seem to like eating.
Operation: mature and get mentally better--initiate.