Is sex important?

[maccrash]

Sex seems to be really important due to how much money and advertisement goes into it, but it's literally an act that lasts about 30 minutes if foreplay is involved and roughly 15 minutes during the actual intercourse itself on a good day. It takes a lot of physical exertion and you probably won't remember 80% of it when it's over. That's really just the raw truth about it, calculable numbers and all.

isn't this the case with a lot of things that could be considered fun though? would those things also be considered inherently unimportant because they don't last a long time, they require a lot of physical exertion, etc?

 

[Universe]

isn't this the case with a lot of things that could be considered fun though? would those things also be considered inherently unimportant because they don't last a long time, they require a lot of physical exertion, etc?

This is why I should stop trying to write things in the AMs. Yeah you're definitely right about that.

I suppose what I meant to say was that sex is over-exaggeratedly important for something that's quick and usually not particularly memorable for a multitude of reasons... but woops, that's just my own experiences. Don't quote me on that. ;(

As someone who doesn't particularly differentiate, I don't see sex as any more important than.. *insert random couple activity here*. For instance, in some cultures kissing is seen as really important, whereas in others they kiss just to say hello. You feel me?

 

[maccrash]

This is why I should stop trying to write things in the AMs. Yeah you're definitely right about that.

I suppose what I meant to say was that sex is over-exaggeratedly important for something that's quick and usually not particularly memorable for a multitude of reasons... but woops, that's just my own experiences. Don't quote me on that. ;(

As someone who doesn't particularly differentiate, I don't see sex as any more important than.. *insert random couple activity here*. For instance, in some cultures kissing is seen as really important, whereas in others they kiss just to say hello. You feel me?

I get you dawg. like you said though it definitely varies person to person. and I'm not even sure how much value I place in it myself.

 

[Entermaid]

That's an interesting standpoint to look at it from, it doesn't change my views but from that angle it is hard to argue with you.

I think the major difference is approaching the topic of "importance of sex" from a completely individual level and on a broader level. Even so, the individual decisions of others have impacts upon individual interests which aren't be accounted for in this discussion.

For instance, if we have a young family member (under 13) who has sexual relations (or sexual assault) with an adult, the distribution of contraceptives and education to youth who we may know and we also may need to shoulder some of their burden of having a child financially, sex can be prevalent in our work places and have negative impacts on interpersonal relationships (why policies are often in place), being in contact with people who are more sexually liberated/restricted may impact mood and personality (and how they interact with others), legal issues regarding guardianship of children may impact ourselves and others close to us, unwanted pregnancy impacts our lives whether it is personal contact or paying for the welfare of a child through taxes. ect. ect. ect.

The examples of many more that could be listed are more detailed examples of potential protections that are in place in case we end up being affected by sex, since there is a contextual component. Further, there are examples of how individual issues at face, impact other individuals indirectly. Inevitably, we are prone to be affected by the many topics of sex and should be engaged in these discussions IF self-interests of individuals is important.

 

[Tek]

It is what you make of it, which is influenced by the value structure of your culture.

By the way not all modern cultures place a lot of value on sex, or the same kind of value. In fact I've found that the overwhelming emotion associated with it is shame and embarrassment, except among those who consider it trivial and meaningless. If the culture at large were consciously considering sex to be valuable, we wouldn't really need to be ashamed, would we?

Expanding on that, I've seen two major ways people deal with the cultural perception of sex being 'dirty' and shameful. People tend to either deny that they've had sex or deny that sex has any importance.

 

[Psychic]

This is definitely a big question, and I don't think the answer is a simple one.

On an individual level, sex is only as important as you make it. If you consider sex to be an important, intimate act you would only do with someone you're very close to, that's totally cool. If you feel that sex is just a fun activity to do with a variety of people, then there's nothing wrong with that. What's important is that as long as all sexual activity is safe, sane and consensual (and, you know, legal), we should not judge others for their sexual desires or activity.

On a cultural level, sex has always been pretty complicated and full of baggage (whether warranted or not). Sex has been used as a way of controlling people, and has been institutionalized in all kinds of ways. There is power in and around sex, and something that seems as simple as shaping cultural norms around sex (see below) can have a huge impact on a culture. There's a ton of theory out there, but there's still a lot we don't know about human sexuality. It's a huge topic that I have no hope of accurately summarizing, but if you're interested, check out Michel Foucault's The History of Sexuality.

For individuals, the importance of sex depends on the person, but from a more cultural perspective, there is a great deal of power in sex, and it's hard to be entirely unaffected by that.

Obviously the latter half of the 20th century has changed sex from a means of reproduction to a pleasurable activity

This isn't true from my understanding. Humans have had non-reproductive sex for much of history, both heterosexual and homosexual (not even looking at places like ancient Greece). In Judaism alone, there are ancient laws about how providing pleasure is a part of the contract between husbands and wives.

It might be more accurate to say that non-reproductive sex has only become more acceptable in the mainstream in more recent history, though. Gayle Rubin outlines this with the idea of a "sexual hierarchy" we have created, in which the most "morally good" or "normal" sex is between a heterosexual married couple who are monogamous, having sex purely for procreation, and are doing it in private - the rest is questionable or outright deviance. See also her diagram of types of sex that are generally deemed "acceptable" VS "unacceptable" by society. The point is that we ask ourselves: why do we think that way?

~Psychic

 

[Controversial?]

Me, personally? I find it kind of overrated. Bit weird in comparison to the things I've said over the time I've been here, but I guess after actually experiencing it I found it quite underwhelming in comparison to how hyped up it can be.

 

[Vincent]

I don't know. I was a really decadent boy in high school, often sleeping with different girls in different schools everyday, It was never all it was hyped up to be. I mean sure it was great at first but after the first 5 or 6 girls. It felt like we were both toys in this cruel cruel world. I realized then after that without love, sex is just nothing but a means to past the time. In conclusion, If you're having sex with the person you love then it is important but if its just for snits and giggles then you have a problem.

 

[Twilight-kun]

I used to be very sexually active when I was in high school

...in terms of roleplays, at least

At one time, I had a wife, girlfriend, mistress, husband, boyfriend and several "pets"

But now I've got a single husband and wife and two adorable kids and I couldn't be more content~

It'll make more sense once you find someone to settle down with


Until then, go nuts
Stay safe, be open about your sexual history and get checked at least once a year for STDs

Sure it's scary, but it's better to know if you have something; catch it early enough and most can be treated

 

[moon]

I used to think so. But now I think it's not as important to have in life in order to be happy, as other things are. I mean, mostly it feels good and is fun. But other things do that too.

 

[Circuit]

Sex as a concept is inherently important in society, in everyone's daily lives. Whether you want to accept it or not, sex affects your life every day, all the time.

Sex is advertised widely throughout society, and has many an influence on what you choose to buy, where you choose to shop, what social activities you engage in, all subconsciously. Sex and the mere idea of it is abused within media to achieve the advertising goals desired.

From a relationship standpoint I would also argue that sex is important. That doesn't mean to say that I think sex drives relationships, quite the opposite. What I do think is that a healthy sex life encourages a healthy relationship. Being stingy about sex doesn't improve a relationship, or the sex. Sex isn't improved by waiting until marriage or whatever, the end result is the same; your first time will be embarrassing, and you will not get the amazing feeling most of us have been led to think. That said, your hundredth time having sex is very likely to be amazing, as you will have had time to discover what you enjoy, and how to make it last.

Like with everything, experience is important, and in a relationship, sex is also important to allow you and your partner to experience something together, about each other. It's a part of growth within a relationship, and has so many good effects for those involved.

From an individual's point of view, sex is only as important as the person believes it to be. I used to think that sex was sacred, that I should wait until I'm with someone incredibly special to me etc. My ex and I got together, we tried it, and since then it was simply another way to have fun together, to grow and to experience something together. Of course, our first time was together, so was mutual embarrassment. I myself believe that sex is just another way to have fun with someone you're comfortable being that intimate with. Whether it be a long-term partner of a one-night-stand. It's down to the individual to decide what important sex has to them, and how they want to enjoy it.

Lastly, talking about sex in terms of evolution, we need sex. That much is obvious. Reproduction is the only way to continue our survival. However, that survival has changed in meaning from survival of the Human race to survival of our family. Sex has also evolved, but not as much as some might think. Sex has always been an activity for enjoyment in the past, no matter how far back you go, that much I'm sure of. Dolphins also have sex for enjoyment, and their brains are much less developed than ours. So I'm certain then, that humans will have discovered in every era that sex is enjoyable, and enjoyed it as much as possible. What has changed is the idea of virginity, and the concept that being a virgin is important. Nowadays being a virgin plays little significance in society. However you don't have to look back far to see that society placed a high value on women being virgins. But I feel like the rest of society these days; being a virgin has no significance, or a very little one.

 

[Raine]

I don't know. I was a really decadent boy in high school, often sleeping with different girls in different schools everyday, It was never all it was hyped up to be. I mean sure it was great at first but after the first 5 or 6 girls. It felt like we were both toys in this cruel cruel world. I realized then after that without love, sex is just nothing but a means to past the time. In conclusion, If you're having sex with the person you love then it is important but if its just for snits and giggles then you have a problem.

Until then, go nuts

Last summer was my period of weakness where I may have felt sexually frustrated beyond belief and unfortunately had several one night stand moments with different guys. Definitely not one of my proudest moments and I wish I could take them back. It was completely out of character and I nearly ruined a relationship for doing so, which I would have never forgiven myself it that happened.

It might be my personal preference, but "going nuts," does not seem like the proper approach to sex, but to each their own and I am not one judge how many sexual encounters with multiple people you have had in your lifetime. That's none of my business. Though in terms of my experience, I feel extremely guilty for not being able to reveal this information to my significant other at the moment. Guilty of the acts I pulled during that summer, guilty of the inability to come clean to the one person who has entrusted my heart to, guilty of not being able to communicate. I trust him with my life, but this is definitely one instance where I wish to keep everything to myself.

But now after finding an individual to be emotionally and physically connected with feels so much more rewarding than the simple act of having sex, nothing could be better. It's that sense of comfort, being able to laugh and giggle about every weird aspect of sex that might arise through our experiences. I've always said that the best kind of sex is one where you're both connected to each other, through emotions and sharing that physical intimacy, needing to be closer to each other, more than physically possible.

With or without sex, I would not give up the happiness of being able to click with my boyfriend for anything in the world.

 

[Twilight-kun]

Cheers to that~

I know I've found my soul mate and I've never been happier

Heck, I haven't taken my anti-depressant meds in over a year and I feel fantastic

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

For a relationship it's part of it. I don't think relationships should go without intimate contact - I'm of the opinion that interests, romance, sex, and support are what comprise a healthy relationship. You can't be missing any of them if you're human.

I can say from experience it is a bit hard not being able to have sex with someone you love. It's a big let-down, because your libido becomes a caged-up animal for this person and vice versa, you both want to and can't, and it's awful. I think it's very important as I know what it's like to go without in the presence of love.

 

[Mana1]

^ My brow furrowed at the end of your first paragraph.

As someone who has been in a steady relationship for two years I think sex is one of the least important aspects of it. The relationship doesn't work because of sex - it works because we're supportive of one another, we're company for one another and we know what little things to do to make one another smile.

Minimal sex in a relationship is fine by me. Not having sex but having an intimate relationship is a legitimate choice and it doesn't make a couple and less devoted to one another.

 

[Universe]

For a relationship it's part of it. I don't think relationships should go without intimate contact - I'm of the opinion that interests, romance, sex, and support are what comprise a healthy relationship. You can't be missing any of them if you're human.

I know what you're getting at, and I understand, but the first time I read this I couldn't help but go, "Welp guess I'm not human." HAHa.

I think all of the things you presented are a very natural thing in relationships indeed, but there are those like myself who struggle with being romantic and/or sexual. I have found that bonds do actually work very pleasantly without either of those things, but if the other person in the relationship is bent on having those and you aren't that into it, it most likely won't work out. Relationships are 100% mutual in all aspects, so as long as your partner is okay with your preferences all will be harmonious. Sex doesn't necessarily have to be a focal point, but it definitely can be if the people in the relationship call for it. But you will have a healthy relationship so long as communication and understanding are a constant, regardless of the filler details.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

I know what you're getting at, and I understand, but the first time I read this I couldn't help but go, "Welp guess I'm not human." HAHa.

I think all of the things you presented are a very natural thing in relationships indeed, but there are those like myself who struggle with being romantic and/or sexual. I have found that bonds do actually work very pleasantly without either of those things, but if the other person in the relationship is bent on having those and you aren't that into it, it most likely won't work out. Relationships are 100% mutual in all aspects, so as long as your partner is okay with your preferences all will be harmonious. Sex doesn't necessarily have to be a focal point, but it definitely can be if the people in the relationship call for it. But you will have a healthy relationship so long as communication and understanding are a constant, regardless of the filler details.

I was about to get back at this, since Magic had me thinking.

I think there's really a whole lot more than just one standard "relationship." There are all sorts of ways to love - ways humans may even be incapable of - and the kind of love I want (as in, the one and only, my soulmate, etc) necessitates those things. It's easy to have other kinds of love for me too though, and there are different things that must fall in place for that which I do not know.

To me, I cannot be fully in love without sex. Nor support, or any of the others I mentioned. I understand where you're coming from. The way I see it is that there are different kinds of relationships people can all experience, and which one they gravitate to the most is their personal "one," ergo what they like the most.

^ My brow furrowed at the end of your first paragraph.

As someone who has been in a steady relationship for two years I think sex is one of the least important aspects of it. The relationship doesn't work because of sex - it works because we're supportive of one another, we're company for one another and we know what little things to do to make one another smile.

Minimal sex in a relationship is fine by me. Not having sex but having an intimate relationship is a legitimate choice and it doesn't make a couple and less devoted to one another.

I know I didn't mention it, but I was talking about me. It's easy to assume I mean everyone on the planet, but yeah. See above for my views on others, and sorry for not being clear.

 

[Twilight-kun]

Why is it that I keep getting bizarre analogies to compare a relationship to, yet when I type it out, it looks ridiculous?

Love is like a multi-course meal and sex is just one of the many dishes you get served
You can enjoy the meal without it, but it's a nice addition to have


And since everyone has different views and interpretations for what love is, some value sex more while others don't place much weight on it

 

[Neo_Angelo]

The way i see it is sex is important for a healthy relationship, its hardwired into our species and is important for procreation. Whilst you could say it is not that important in the sense we couldn't survive without it (as like a need like we need water and food, if procreation was not a factor of course).

Sex is a very good communication tool between two individuals, good sex, bad sex its all about expressing feelings, its not a case of if your hung like a donkey or have more experience than someone else, its about getting to know someone on a different level. Sex is what you make of it, whether it be for pleasure or just something to do. If you was in a relationship with someone you cared about a healthy sex life is very important in keeping those individuals together.

Not only is sex important for relationships but also for you health, having sex reduces risk of certain cancers, relieves stress, relaxes and allows your body to release endorphins (feel good hormones), which is why we find sex so enjoyable. Not to mention its good exercise and is fun.

I think sex over recent years has been blunted in its reputation, it seems to me the generation below my own (i'm 26 BTW) seem to think that its a numbers game where sex with more = better, the meaning of sex is kinda lost in translation to younger generations as the media and culture has diluted to romantic, sensual parts of sex and glorified solely the "Sex is fun you must do it with everyone you can".

Would i wait till i was married for sex? for me thats down to the individuals beliefs but to me i think thats kinda old fashioned, you have sex when the time feels right for you, whether it be on a first date or 2 years after your married, there's no time scales and should never be time scales put on it. All i believe is, you should have sex with a person you care about who means something to you, meaningless sex with strangers, one night stands and prostitutes is pointless, and runs the risk of getting unwanted diseases.

 

[Dawn]

This is a bit of a vague question, but I feel like I can still give it the yes or no answer it merits.

The answer is yes, sex is very important. Sex is important even if you're an asexual, because as some of them could very well tell you the world around them remains sexual even if they are not. It can get a bit weird for them, is what I'm saying.

Sex is highly ingrained in our biology, our society and our culture. Sometimes sex even puts the lives of people who aren't having it in danger! (Rape and Human Trafficking) The amount of power the actual act of sex has over society is pretty startling sometimes too; just ask a few corrupt politicians.

By any standard I'd think it's safe to say that yes, sex is important no matter who you are. The amount of power it has over our lives is enough to issue it a blanket statement like that.

As for olde morals like waiting until marriage, I think they might have actually been onto something. I honestly don't think they have any worth as morals, which is why they've become rather dated, but when you think about it there are a few practical reasons to exercise restraint as far as sex goes.

1:
The easy point here is STDs. Time is security in the realm of dating. While marriage is an arguably arbitrary waiting period, there is a very real benefit to forcing yourself to wait and ignoring your 'heart' for a while. The kind of person that lies about having STDs isn't going to be committed enough to spend a couple of years hiding it, and by the time you've spent a year dating you should be able to comfortably discuss medical records if sex if something you want to do anyway. I know cartoons have literally made fun of the premise of asking for medical records before sex, but y'know... AIDs exists; maybe take the risk of looking like a dork one night, just to be safe.

Protection such as a condom is great but multiple forms of protection together is significantly better. There are some caveats to the "99%" protection rate often touted with condoms. For example, they don't account for improper use. Improper use could range from anything from improper storage to the horror story of someone taking a needle to the condom. What this basically means is that the actual, practical real world protection rate is sliiiiightly lower than advertised. If you happen to be a woman you don't necessarily have a lot of control over some of these factors, so In my honest opinion I would definitely want that extra layer of protection myself.

2:
I think there are some actual unforeseen consequences to 'casual sex' that don't get as much attention as they should. My father once told me that no matter when you decide to have sex it should be kept 'special'. If sex becomes a casual thing that happens whenever a couple feels like it, it can really start to screw with your emotions. If you've ever heard someone describe themselves as feeling used or empty inside, that's probably what they were talking about. I think that not having an at least healthy amount of restraint has the potential to really mess with someone's mental/emotional health.