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Old November 17th, 2008 (7:28 PM).
icomeanon6's Avatar
icomeanon6 icomeanon6 is offline
It's "I Come Anon"
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069



Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen such a great summary of all that's wrong with flawless female protagonists. That was a really good exposition right there, loved the parts with the woodland creatures dying from exposure to copious perfection!

I only spotted two mistakes, and they were both around the 2nd paragraph:
So, Sora had to wait until she was 16 (which is the age of maturity in this world, by the way) before she got her first Pokémon.
(Line break here.)
In a way, this was also a good thing, because that way she got the most special starter there was: a shiny Eevee.
Just a typo and a missed paragraph space, it looks like. Aside from that, it was very well written. I couldn't decide whether the narration was hilarious, disturbing, or both (which is good!)

My advice for future installments would be to make sure that the events in the plot are just as ludicrous as the characters, that's a pretty common mistake in character-based stories. I think it's going to be a great parody, so keep it up!

My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - Indefinite hiatus // Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - Complete // New: Digimon Campaign - 15 chapters posted out of 17

There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009) // A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010) // Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place) //
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012) // By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place) // Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place) //
Dad's Old Gym (SWC 2016 2nd place)

Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
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