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Old June 4th, 2010 (10:30 AM).
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NikNaks NikNaks is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: England
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
Making changes is up to you really. Since your excerpts are small and they seem to be for practice, I wouldn't bother that much. Improvements can be made in new excerpts anyway, aye? =P

I like the first and third one, and the only reason I'm not as hooked into the second one is because, well, I'm not sure where it's headed (besides derp hurr down a hallway). That being said, it's a nice line/hook.
Yeah, I can't really remember where I was going with it either, which is probably why I didn't use it! Still, if something pops out at me, I might add to it.

I like the first one because I'm not sure which way it'll go. I always liked to read romance from the perspective of a boy, and this boy seems to be one who doesn't have the good self esteem. Should be intriguing. I really liked this line, too: <snip>
It's very warm, cozy imagery.
Yeah, I'm not very high on the esteem front, so it's fairly easy to write, seemingly.
I liked the third one especially because it different. While contemplating love is fine and dandy, it's much more common then, let's say, a person who wants to fly. XP I liked how the speaker wasn't aware he/she was flying, and when he/she did, he/she fell. I get that feeling a lot. Er, not with flying, but with other things. I always hated that, when you're doing something, then you realize you're doing something, and all of a sudden you can't do it anymore ...
I'm pleased that it's not just me. xD This is probably my favourite, too, but I'm still thinking about where to go with it. I'll think about it more seriously after next week. Twelve exams in 5 days have to take priority

I *think* you might have missed the one I added to the OP. It's not great, though, so it's probably for the best.