Pokemon Ranger: Gatherings [13+]
View Single Post
March 17th, 2012 (8:11 AM).
There's Something About Lamps
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Good to see you're writing again!
This is a very short prologue and I read it more as a journal entry more than an actual prologue. There isn't much of the plot revealed in this segment, so the story itself is a mystery. However, I did enjoy it and I can clearly look into the character's mind, in particular, her/his views. That's probably because I read it as a journal/diary/whatever.
One thing I will point out is that you use semi-colons when they could easily be replaced by a comma. In a two specific places, it's grammatically correct to use them, however, using a comma would just read better. Maybe this is a tad picky, but I try not to use semi-colons at all since I don't like how they look on the page. For example:
Originally Posted by
People battle Pokémon to prove who the best is; and it’s a wonder how the best lose easily.
Like here, you use a semi-colon instead of a comma. Either would be correct, but ultimately, it's preferably to use a comma. I'm pretty sure this happens once or twice in your story, so it isn't too much of an issue.
Anyway, I'll definitely follow this. It sounds interesting and a bit religious, given from the prologue. Or soul-searching in a way. I haven't read anything like that in the Pokemon fandom, so this holds promise.
View Public Profile
Send a private message to psyanic
Find all posts by psyanic
Find threads started by psyanic