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July 5th, 2012 (08:26 PM).
It's "I Come Anon"
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
If you haven't just been watching Ghost in the Shell, I'll eat my hat. xD
Seriously though, I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your vision of the future of Pokemon is both exciting and refreshing. I love the concept of the underground modding community, and I'm looking forward to the modster, chimera, and scratcher concepts you come up with.
I'm also hoping that we learn more about Gwyn's past as a hacker. Character-wise I feel the story's pretty solid so far; we've got a good starting picture of the characters' personalities and how they interact with each other. It remains to be seen how interesting they'll be in the long run, but you can never tell that with the first chapter, and it was good that you devoted most of the chapter to establishing the (awesome) setting and hooking with some (well-realized) action rather than over-expositing the characters.
Though I wasn't poring over the thing for mistakes, all of the grammar and whatnot seemed fine to me. Just one case of missing a space between paragraphs (arggh, those are so easy to miss):
I doubt I'd be happy if I had three legs, two arms and half my muscles dissolved without due warning.
“What do we do?” yelled Chris, firing wildly at the Primeape and opening up red splashes across its hide.
Great chapter, my interest is grabbed, rite moar!
My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier
- 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus.
Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure
- 8 chapters, completed.
- 7 chapters, ongoing
There's Always Tomorrow
A Matter of Stubbornness
Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It
By What Right?
(SWC 2013 1st place),
Back in the Day
(SWC 2014 1st place)
Family (kind of?):
Strange person who calls me strange names
If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
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