Thread: [Pokémon] Hackers [15]
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Old July 5th, 2012 (08:26 PM).
icomeanon6's Avatar
icomeanon6 icomeanon6 is offline
It's "I Come Anon"
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,004
If you haven't just been watching Ghost in the Shell, I'll eat my hat. xD

Seriously though, I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your vision of the future of Pokemon is both exciting and refreshing. I love the concept of the underground modding community, and I'm looking forward to the modster, chimera, and scratcher concepts you come up with.

I'm also hoping that we learn more about Gwyn's past as a hacker. Character-wise I feel the story's pretty solid so far; we've got a good starting picture of the characters' personalities and how they interact with each other. It remains to be seen how interesting they'll be in the long run, but you can never tell that with the first chapter, and it was good that you devoted most of the chapter to establishing the (awesome) setting and hooking with some (well-realized) action rather than over-expositing the characters.

Though I wasn't poring over the thing for mistakes, all of the grammar and whatnot seemed fine to me. Just one case of missing a space between paragraphs (arggh, those are so easy to miss):

Quote:
I doubt I'd be happy if I had three legs, two arms and half my muscles dissolved without due warning.
“What do we do?” yelled Chris, firing wildly at the Primeape and opening up red splashes across its hide.
Great chapter, my interest is grabbed, rite moar!
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My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 7 chapters, ongoing

One-shots:
There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place), Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place)


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