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Old December 5th, 2012 (03:35 PM). Edited December 5th, 2012 by -.
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Call me Dash.
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Oregon
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Astinus View Post
Well this is interesting. I'm always ready to review Let's Plays, and it's interesting to see one start of more like a fanfiction than an Let's Play. Depending on how this goes, though, it might get moved over to the Let's Play subforum. Right now, though, it can stay since it's more like a fanfic.

First, some small grammar things:


"spent"


That should be lower-cased, since you're not using it in place of her name.

There's not really much to say about the rest of this. Your character at least gives a reason for writing a journal. And his characterization is starting to come through in the writing. Since he sees Mr. Pokemon as a "fruit" and forgetting exactly what Elm asked him to do, he has a real attitude to him! Looking forward to seeing how he reacts to the rest of Johto and its interesting characters.

And yay, you're doing a purple mono-color challenge. I hope that means I can see one of my favorite Pokemon, Nidoking!
Oh thanks, usually I'm not bad at it, but sometimes tenses can get me like in "Spent."
And yeah, I developed a bit of character in that, I just need to make sure I keep the character going. Sometimes I can accidentally change the character's personality completely. >u<

Also, at this rate, this LP/Story might get extensive; anyone know the character limit for a post?
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