A nice, fresh story. Different and darker, it gives a sense of realism to the Pokemon world. It especially makes people consider the feelings of Pokemon in a world where they are forced to battle each other to the point of fainting.
However, it does have it's downfalls.
Normally, I don't review sentence structure, grammar or things in the category, but . . .
“Imagine only. With these rebels, I heavily doubt you’ll live to see the papers when they do produce them.” Reyes gestured to the scene around them. “I mean, you see the number they’ve done on Snowpoint already. Imagine what they could do if their numbers doubled, or even tripled.”
I found this incomplete sentence minor (especially since it's a character speaking), but it left me slightly confused about the very next sentence. Which caused me to have to go back and read the last paragraph over again in hopes that I missed something. I did not.
The paragraph lacks fluidity. Nothing wrong with it, it just comes off as a bit mechanical.
Factual Error: A rebel and a revolutionary are essentially the same thing. Thus, the confusion in differentiation of the two parties can make it harder to read the story.
One, the sentence is a little confusing.
Two, I'm wondering how he can see the sky inside such a dark P.C.
Sorry, it's a pet peeve to point this out at least once, lol.
All in all, the story has too much Imagery as well as too much Mental Imagery. It's so hard to discern what's going on at times. Though this helps with the chaotic mood you want to set for a war, it's pretty hard for a reader to know what's going on at times. To summarize, I recognized that Dominic was the Zoroark midway through the story and I'm still not completely sure what Reyes is, even after re-reading.
Plus, the war isn't quite explained in the best terms. What happened to humans, generally? They're much weaker than most pokemon, so what happens to them in this desolate time? If they're not around or not the majority anymore, what's the reason for any of the fighting at this point?
One major problem with the storyline that I had is the Pokemon themselves. Since when did captured pokemon feel the need to rebel? I always thought that once they were caught, they just dealt with it and tried their best to get along with the trainer? If a trainer feeds you and cares for you, would there be any reason for most pokemon to feel the need to start a revolution. I understand wild pokemon (even though they wouldn't necessarily know the pain of being captured), but the premise is a bit hard to get behind. However, that's only from a writer's point of view. To a natural reader, it's not all that unbelievable.
It's a good idea. And with a few tweaks, it could be one of the best stories on here.