I just kept refreshing the results page to see what Umbreon was. An lo and behold, it was exactly what I am. Even though I took it like 5 times and got nothing that was remotely "me"
Umbreon
Your spirit pokemon is Umbreon! Your spirit pokemon has chosen to guide you as you are quite dark, and love black humor! you can be cynical and sheltered by your friends so you can be shy, yet your sarcasm can make you seem like a funny person. Umbreon will help you maintain some form of possitivity, cut the cyanide and make you explore the world more.