A Life Of Two Eevee

I`m writing a story about the life of two of my pokemon charries and how they got seperated from they`re mom and each other(around the middle this happens around the beginning they get seperated from Flarovee)/ brought back together. Hope Y`all like it. Oh and I only have a little bit for the beginning as I have only been working on the beginning so far since I edited it.


The Life of two eevees Chapter one: Murkrow, I hate `em



Once, at the very edge of Virdian Forest where there were many pokemon who all lived there. Three of these pokemon
lived under a large oak tree at the edge, These three pokemon were all eevee. These eevee were always moving from place to place
because of the hunter sightings.

One cold and early morning, one of the eevee which just so happened to be the youngest awoke with a
startled nightmare. The eevee shot up. He used his front right paw to rub his right eye. The eevee yawned
and looked around. Realising there were no hunters he looked at a larger eevee. This eevee was laying beside the first one and another
eevee who was still asleep.

The largest eevee looked at the younger one." Restren, there are no hunters in Virdian Forest. Please sleep." The large eevee said. Restren
nodded no longer frightened. He looked to the middle sized eevee on the other side of the largest one. Restren poked it slowly.

The eevee rolled over groaning and looked at Restren."Ginger, Mom says theres no hunters here. Is it true?" Restren asked. Ginger rolled onto her stomache and yawned. "Of course not, if there was Flarovee would have said so." Ginger notified. Restren nodded unsure if she was right.

Ginger got up slowly and walked over to the other side of her mother where Restren was. She sat lay down and curled up into a ball falling
asleep right beside Restren.

Restren lay back down beside Ginger and looked to Flarovee. "Good nightmom." He whispered closing his eyes and falling back into a deep
slumber.


Restren soon awoke once again to hear a strange noise. He perked up his ears and moved them from side to side listening. They went right to his heads when he heard a cawing noise. Ginger shot straight up. She gasped. "Its a murkrow! Mommy wake up its a murkrow!"


Flarovee lifted her head a bit looking around. She listened closley and sure enough the loud bird pokemon was cawing loudly. There were a few wimpers from Ginger as Flarovee looked up.She sighed as she couldnt do anything about this. Then all of a sudden the murkrow got a
weird look in its eyes. The murkrow started to fly down towards the three eevee.

Ginger looked up to see the murkrow on her mothers back."MOMMY!!! ITS DOWN HERE!!!" she cried crawling over closer to Restren. The murkrow came down and began to peck her head.

Ginger yelled and smacked the murkrow with her paw. The murkrow began to peck harder.
Restren got up and leapt at the murkrow who bit him on the tail with its sharp beak.Restren and Ginger began to cry. The murkrow suddenly got a good whack from somewhere. Another eevee, larger than Flarovee had attacked it. The murkrow cawed angerly and flew
away.

Flarovee looked over but the other eevee was gone. "Is the murkrow gone?" asked Ginger who was under her mothers tail.Her mother nodded and Ginger jumped out. She ran in a circle three times and lay down curled up into a ball and fell asleep. Restren sighed laying his heads on his mothers paw and fell asleep as well.




*hopes the beginning is okay*

Cute idea. It could use improvement, though. >P Remember that stories do not necessarily have to begin with a bland introduction to the characters. Right off the start you state:

Restren, an eevee who had been sleeping peacefully in his nest along side his twin sister Ginger and mother Flarovee woke up after a nightmare of getting chased out of the forest by hunters.

Click to expand...

It looks a bit rushed from a certain viewpoint. You've quickly introduced the main character (I'm presuming), the character's sibling, mother, and the cause and effect of its actions. All in one sentence. Try to even out the information.

Overall, your main problem was how you rushed through things. Events unraveled without the needed emphasis, especially in certain parts where it could've needed it. You've made some grammatical errors...Do you own Microsoft Word? I believe it corrects them for you, albeit not perfectly.

It's an interesting start, to say the least. Continue it if you'd like, but try to edit the first chapter a bit as well. =D Good luck!

I`m going to have to start the next chapter as soon as Im done editing. Ill edit in NotePad and put it in my first post then start chapter two ^_^; thanks for the advice.