Fire's Pokemon Adventure

This Story is 100 years after Ash Ketchum, Brock, Misty, etc.



It was a beautiful sunny day in Pallet Town and Fire who is sixteen years old wearing a red hat, a white shirt with a red jacket, blue pants, with white shoes, woke up from his bed and went downstairs.

Fire walked outside the door and headed towards route one. When he was about to enter route one, an old man wearing grey hair, a white shirt, and brown pants stopped him in his tracks.

"Hey, don't go outside those premises!" hollered the old man.
"What am I doing wrong old man?" asked Fire.
"Well first off, you need to have a pokemon to get out there alone," said the old man.
"Well alright, were do I get a pokemon then?" asked Fire.
"Come with me then," said the old man.

Fire and the old man walked towards a big white building and then when they went inside, another guy showed up to talk to the old man.

"What's up grandpa," said the guy who walked in.
"Hello Donny, I bet you want your pokemon right?" asked the old man.
"Yes I do grandpa," said Donny. "Where is it?"
"Well first I need to help your cousin with his pokemon first," said the old man.

The old man walked towards a brown table and told Fire to come follow him. When Fire walked towards the brown table, the old man asked him what pokemon he'll get.

"Okay Fire, these are three pokemon what I caught yesterday," said the old man.
"So can I pick one?" asked Fire.
"Yes you can," said the old man.

Fire looked at all of the three pokemon on the brown table and then he chose the Squirtle, the tiny turtle pokemon.

"So you picked the water turtle pokemon, that's a great choice," said the old man.
"Yes, I got a Squirtle!" hollered Fire excitedly.
"Alright, now your adventure has just started," said the old man.
"Alright now grandpa, can I get my pokemon now yet?" asked Donny.
"Oh, yes you can," said the old man. "You can pick it now."

Donny looked at the remaining two pokemon and chose Bulbasaur, the seed pokemon. Donny was walking towards the doors when suddenly, he told Fire for a practice battle.
"Hey Fire, want to have a practice battle?" asked Donny.
"Yes, I'll love a practice battle," said Fire.

The practice battle began and Donny threw a pokeball towards the floor and Bulbasaur came flashing out of it ready to fight.

"Alright then, go Squirtle!" hollered Fire excitedly while throwing a pokeball towards the floor.

A flash past by and when Squirtle came out, it was really happy and excited to fight.

"Use tackle now Bulbasaur!" hollered Donny while pointing at Fire's Squirtle.
"Alright then Squirtle, use tackle now!" hollered Fire while pointing at Donny's Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur rubbed its feet against the floor and charged against Squirtle. Squirtle looked Bulbasaur precisely and then when Bulbasaur charged towards it, Squirtle jumped and clashed its head against Bulbasaurs body.

"Alright now Bulbasaur, use tackle again!" hollered Donny.
"Go and use tackle on Bulbasaur!" hollered Fire.

When Bulbasaur charged at Squirtle again, Squirtle didn't have enough strength to defend it and the Squirtle fainted.

"Alright Fire, I won and I get a head start on the adventure now," said Donny.

Donny ran outside the building as fast as he could that Fire didn't even make a move.

so far so good, keep up the good work! This Fire character sounds like someone I know......

When Fire walked outside of the building, he headed towards route one. When Fire was walking towards route one, he saw a Pidgey flying in the sky so Fire kept on looking at it until it landed in the green grassy area. Fire walked in the grassy route one and then he saw the same Pidgey eating some worms from the ground.

"Alright Pidgey, you ready to get caught?" asked Fire.

The Pidgey looked at Fire and started to use its sand attack. Fire blocked the sand by using his jacket as a cloak. Fire glared at the Pidgey and sent out Squirtle.

"Alright now Pidgey, go Squirtle!" hollered Fire while he threw the pokeball towards the ground.

Squirtle shot out of pokeball and it looked ready to battle the Pidgey. Pidgey flew up high and used its tackle on Squirtle.

"Go and use tackle now!" hollered Fire while pointing at Pidgey.

Squirtle started rubbing its feet on the ground and then it launched a huge tackle towards Pidgey but the Pidgey dodged it by flying up in the sky.

"Alright Squirtle, watch out for Pidgey, this one is tricky," said Fire.

Squirtle concentrated on Pidgeys every move and then when Pidgey used its tackle, Squirtle jumped high and used its tackle attack right on Pidgeys head.

"Alright!" hollered Fire in an excited way. "Use tackle again Squirtle!"

Squirtle jumped up from the ground and when Pidgey got up, Squirtle ran towards Pidgey and pounded Pidgey on the face. Fire and Squirtle won the fierce and tricky battle against the Pidgey so they kept of walking to get to Viridian City.

Fire kept on walking on route one for a couple of minutes and then he saw a sign that said: "Welcome to Viridian City, the city of peace." Fire kept on walking until he seen a pokecenter.

When Fire opened the door in the pokecenter, he walked towards the nurse and gave the nurse his Squirtle for some healing.

"Alright, you should buy some potions for your Squirtle, they're really helpful," said the nurse.
"Alright, thanks for the tip," said Fire.

When Fire exited the pokecenter, he walked towards the pokemart for he can buy some potions.

"Welcome to the pokemart, sorry but are you from Pallet Town?" asked the store clerk.
"Yes I am, why you asking me this for?" asked Fire.
"Well because the old man from Pallet Town left this here and I have to give it back to him but I have to watch over the mart," said the store clerk.
"Alright then, give it here and I'll give it to him," said Fire.

The store clerk gave Fire the package and Fire left the pokemart. Fire started walking back towards Pallet Town but then suddenly, a Rattata appeared.

"Alright Rattata, let's go then," said Fire. "Come on out Squirtle!"

Squirtle came out and the Rattata used its quick attack.

"Alright Squirtle, use bubble now!" hollered Fire while pointing at Rattata.

Squirtle squirted out bubbles from its mouth and it blinded the Rattata and then Fire ran just to get to the old man in time. Fire saw the building up ahead and then when he was just in the front door, he opened the door.

"You left this in the Viridian pokemart," said Fire while giving the package to the old man.
"Yes, I forgot, it's my pokeballs what I ordered," said the old man.
"Well can I have some?" asked Fire.
"Yes you can, you can have five pokeballs, just to catch five pokemon to fill up your party," said the old man.

Fire got the five pokeballs from the old mans hands and Fire started heading out.

I understand that you're anxious to get a fic posted, but you should really wait a day or two before posting a new chapter. It gives other people time to review your story, and give you advice. Nothing hurts a fic like rushing.

I notice that most of your story is dialog, you should really be more descriptive. When you only write what the characters say, it can get a little boring. As for the characters themselves, they sound terribly similar to the ones in the video games. Try to make them stand out a bit more, right now they don't seem creative at all. Also, there are numerous grammar mistakes that I'm too tired to point out right now. Try copying your story into a word processor and running a spell check.

Fire was walking back towards route one again but when he had the chance to take a step in the grass, his mom showed up and gave him running shoes.

"Here take these," said Fire's mom.
"What are they?" asked Fire.
"They're running shoes, well actually not running shoes but they're gliding shoes for you can walk and run faster," said Fire's mom.

Fire put on his new white and black shoes and then he glided into route one. When he was gliding, he saw a Pidgey flying with him so he stopped for awhile and then suddenly, the Pidgey stopped with him.

The Pidgey looked at Fire and then it used its sand attack. Fire used his jacket to cloak himself and then he threw his pokeball at the ground. Squirtle came out and it was telling Pidgey to stop in their pokemon language.

"Alright Squirtle, use tackle!" hollered Fire while pointing at Pidgey.

Squirtle charged towards Pidgey and then the Pidgey got damaged and then it fell on the ground. Fire looked confused and then he looked at Squirtle. Squirtle looked back at Fire and it suddenly winked at him.

Fire grabbed a pokeball from his bag and threw it towards Pidgey. The pokeball closed and landed on the ground. The pokeball moved back and forth and then it suddenly stopped.

Fire walked towards the pokeball and picked it up.

"YES! I got a Pidgey!" hollered Fire in an excited way.

Fire made Squirtle return and then he continued gliding on the green grass towards Viridian City. Fire saw the sign that greeted people to Viridian City and then when he saw the pokemon center, he stopped gliding and entered the center.

"Welcome to the Viridian City pokecenter, may I take your pokemon?" asked the nurse.
"Yes you can," said Fire. "By the way, where is the nearest pokemon gym is?"
"The nearest pokemon gym is just a few miles from here, but that gym is closed and it's the eighth gym," said the nurse.

Fire grabbed his healed pokemon and thanked the nurse. When he was outside, he looked around and then he remembered that a guy earlier on told him that he should buy some potions so he won't keep on going to the pokecenter to heal his pokemon.

"Welcome to the pokemart, may I get you some potions for you first pokemon adventure?" asked the store clerk.
"Yes I need some, I need five potions please," said Fire.
"Okay here you go, they're five dollars please," said the store clerk.
"Thank you sir, have a great day," said Fire.

Fire walked outside the mart and started walking around the city until he saw the closed gym. Fire was walking towards route two and then suddenly he saw the closed gym and police officers around it.

"Why are there police officers here?" asked Fire to a man.
"There been a Team Rocket person who walked inside and he never came out," said the man.
"Okay then, I'll be leaving now," said Fire.

Fire left the closed gym and starting heading towards route two to catch some more pokemon that he spots while he's going to Pewter City.

Really impressive! Keep up the good work.