Not-love songs

I'm not very well-read on music, not to mention love. Maybe this discussion isn't very consequential. I may be misinformed, even.

"Love song" (or literature) is a pretty broad banner, and I'm sure it can be divided into a lot of sub-types- sad love songs, happy love songs, somber love songs, hopeful love songs and so on. However, I've noticed that some songs that are usually placed under this banner aren't really about "love" in any meaningful sense.

I can't say I'm a fan of One Direction or pop music in general, but their popular track "One Thing" is a case in point. Lyrics:

I've tried playing it cool
But when I'm looking at you
I can never be brave
Cause you make my heart race

Shot me out of the sky
You're my kryptonite
You keep making me weak
Yeah, frozen and can't breathe

Some things gotta give now
Cause I'm dying just to make you see
That I need you here with me now
Cause you've got that one thing

So get out, get out, get out of my head
And fall into my arms instead
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is
But I need that one thing
And you've got that one thing

Click to expand...

Now what's being talked about here is not really love. This song is about that peculiar surge of emotion, that appears very powerful momentarily (in involvement with a potential significant other). I'm not knocking the song (or the band) at all, that feeling is significant and even beautiful. But it's not love, is it? I'd go so far to claim that more often than not, it's not even a precursor to love.

Of course, OD isn't the only band who've written songs along these lines. Many popular pop/rock bands (especially those with adolescent/teenage audience, the age group where the "crush" phenomena is most prominent) like Blink or Simple Plan had songs with similar messages. And that's what got me thinking in the first place- there is a pretty big body of music which are colloquially dubbed love songs, when in reality they concern things like sudden affection, infatuation, crush whatever you may call it. I think there is really a chasm of difference between love and infatuation- the former is often associated with heavy words like responsibility or commitment.

If the above semi-rant made me sound like I'm overzealous about genrefying music, I apologize. But my point spills over to other, non-musical areas of life as well. Consider this question, for example: is a slippery slope from "crush" to "love" something healthy? Media is awash with examples of such slopes- a high-school crush almost inevitably develops into lifelong love. This may lead people to think they're in love, when in reality it's a sudden infatuation, which may evaporate as soon as the thought(s) of associated responsibility of commitment pop up. We can even think of possible pathways leading to this. Infatuation is a powerful feeling, it's easy to "reason up" means to equivocate it with love.

So here are my two questions-

1. The difference between love and infatuation- should it be emphasized? To what degree?

2. You can't really "argue" whether you're in love or not, at the end of the day (to an extent) you have to trust your heart. Provided you answered "yes" to the first question, how can an individual decide which emotional state s/he's in? With respect to the potentially significant other, I mean.

Sorry if I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill!

I feel like love is a really broad word and that it's okay that way. As you said, you can't really control being in love. So when a young person falls in love for the first time I think it's a little presumptuous to say it's only infatuation. Sure, a lot of first loves go nowhere after a week or a month, but I guess I think love is the feeling, not the practical attempts to make something lasting out of them.

I mean, we have separate words for responsibility and commitment after all.

As said in another thread, most people nowadays seem to think that sex = love, when this isn't the case.

Most songs you'll hear on Mainstream will be about dancing or sex, though gladly this is changing a bit.

Fall Out Boy's The Mighty Fall is a good example of a song that ACTUALLY talks about love specifically, but it still equates sex with it.

On the other hand, Lana Del Rey's Dark Paradise can be seen as a love song without sex.

Okay that One Direction song is not about love first up. It's about making a girl feel like you're giving her what she wants emotionally without really doing anything. You have to remember that 1D came from television, they have a plethora of writers and producers all working in tandem to make something as popular as they can and aren't concerned at all with the longevity of its popularity. Such is the pop music scene we unfortunately got stuck with. In reality that song is a reflection of all the people working on that track and literally shows you exactly how they made it popular. It's gimmicky because that's what teenage girls like.
That song represents all things manipulation in love and business.

You brought up Blink 182 and Simple Plan. I can guarantee you all their songs were written by members of the band and although their love songs may not have necessarily been written about "the one" they were most definitely written about a girl they were in love with at some stage. There is no ulterior motive behind them except for expressing emotion.

Now that's out of the way to the questions!
First up I think it's important to make the distinction between love and infatuation. Love is shared, infatuation is always one-sided.
So yes I believe this should be emphasised to the degree that twelve year olds realise they're not in love.

Second question!
It's kind of an arbitrary scale, the 'love spectrum' I suppose it goes from anywhere from slight intrigue to full blown devotion and possibly further to warrant stalking behaviour.
You have to take into account your emotional maturity as well, which I'm sorry to say is only matured through heartbreak, or less extreme yet similar experience.
If you have no way to gauge your emotional maturity then it is more than likely just "puppy love" and it's going to do you good to get hurt by this person or yourself for making the right decision.
However if you find that both a reciprocating these feelings then only time will tell, you can justify all you want if it fails but the truth is you saw something, you went for it, it didn't work out, and now you're better for acknowledging that. If ever you're justifying your relationship during the relationship that is a major red flag to get the hell out of there!

We'll the way I was taught (well what I can remember) is:
Infatuation: Tell me what you love about me.
Love: I love you.

Of course, this alone is not always true, but as I said that's all I can remember.

Yes, the difference should be highlighted, as simply the fact of someone believing they're in love can make them go a bit loopy, from what I've seen. Infatuation is less powerful (I think) and won't induce the same effect.

How can someone tell if they are in love or infatuated? I've never been either, but I suppose a trip down hypothetical situation avenue might clear up that problem. Would I give up my most prized possession/whatever for this person? If I were given the choice to spend the rest of my life with this person, would I take it? Et cetera.

This all may be one hunk of lies, but with knowledge as limited as mine, it's all I've got.

Slipknot, one of my favorite bands of all time, well-known for screaming and oftentimes explicit lyrics, also has a "not-love song" about the LOSS of love (like a breakup). It's one of my favorite songs by them, and its name is "Snuff". Here are the lyrics:

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again,

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you,
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint,
My own was banished long ago
It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control,
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know,

Katy Perry's Unconditional is a new song in Mainstream that talks 100% about love specifically.

Let's not start posting whole lyric sheets just yet. We're discussing love and infatuation and things like that, not just listing examples of (non) love songs.

Yeah, these types of lyrics seem to be the norm be teenage pop celebs these days such as One Direction, Austin Mahone, Justin Bieber. They all seem to be about infatuation because they are directed towards pre-teens or girls just entering teenage years. These girls won't experience true love for a long time so why should the singers write about something not pertaining to them? Plus, using lyrics like that has the preteens subconsciously become absorbed with these people, like most of the listeners have. Most people don't fall in love until they are 18 or older, I hadn't experienced true love with someone until I was 16 and I had been dating since I was in 6th. grade (12 years old I think). I don't think the difference should be emphasized, not to that degree of music.


You don't know when you're in love, it just happens. When you text that special someone every waking moment of your day, or if you can't go one day without seeing someone. Now that is love. When you feel connected to someone when they're miles away, or if you share the same thoughts with someone just by staring at them. That is love. Even when they are mad at you, you know they still care about you, and you care for them. And at the end of the day, you make up and everything is all good again. Now that is true love. Most of the fans of these boy bands are infatuated on their dazzling looks or lyrics. That can be said with many celebrities. It's just common among males and females.

1. The difference between love and infatuation- should it be emphasized? To what degree?
It's hard to place labels on feelings, especially two feelings which are part of the same continuum. Where "infatuation" ends and "love" begins is anyone's guess, and I don't think that the difference between the two can even be emphasised. At very opposite ends of this spectrum, the difference is as clear as night and day, but when we get to the middle, it's hard to make the distinction.

2. You can't really "argue" whether you're in love or not, at the end of the day (to an extent) you have to trust your heart. Provided you answered "yes" to the first question, how can an individual decide which emotional state s/he's in? With respect to the potentially significant other, I mean.
Like I said before, it's hard to distinguish between love and infatuation since they're part of one continuous spectrum, so by extension, it's difficult to decide whether or not one is "in love" or not yet. People may suggest that time is a good indicator of whether a crush has become a love for someone, but speaking from experience, this isn't necessarily the case. I've had crushes on people lasting well over a year, but I never felt that they were nothing more than a crush. I could safely say that it wasn't love I was feeling because they were closer to the "infatuation" end of the spectrum. I liked the person, but I didn't feel like I'd change for them or had any strong desire to be in a relationship with them. I guess a way to figure out whether or not it's love that they're feeling is to see what extent they're willing to go to for their significant other in anything. If they're willing to go out of their way to make their significant other happy, or they find themselves wanting to spend a lot of time with that person, it's a pretty clear sign, I think.

The way I see it, this is the degree to which love and lust work, each with their own stages:

1) Crush
2) Infatuation
3) Love
4) Yandere
5) Fusion into one being.

1) Attraction
2) Pursuit
3) Lust
4) Addiction
5) Sexual Evolution


For both of the above, 1 and 2 are stages of confusion but lead to #3. However, you should NEVER get to 5.

Fusion into one being basically means you and that person are like clones of one another. This is the point where you wear identical clothes, hold hands while eating, and overall are the same person - this is terrible, don't get this way.

Sexual Evolution refers to a person just seeing sex as a common thing that everyone does without limitation. While Addiction IS harmful on its own (like Yandere is harmful on its own), Sexual Evolution is an apathetic, ignorant view of things that can lead to various issues like multiple STDs, a love-is-the-product-of-the-brain-and-is-the-same-as-lust mentality, and overall a merge into the sexual hive mind.


Unfortunately, many songs only account for 1, 2, 4, and 5 - and almost never 3. ):