MrCheeseyPuff
Stealth CoOwner:The Ninja Club
- 260
- Posts
- 18
- Years
- In a place. With air. I hope.
- Seen Apr 22, 2013
Okay. I've never really publicly showed my writing. Everyone at my old middle school loved it, though, so I'm gonna post a litle bit of chapter one. Please critisize/compliment as necessary. BTW, this is called "Natural Disaster" in case you didn't know.
He tried to scream. "Holy-" was all he got out before the impact of a SISG* wav hit him full on. He toppled backward - slowly, it seemed - and hit the cold pavement hard. He then discovered that he was ultra-sensitive to the hyper-sonic sound waves produced by the SISGs. He felt a slow rhythmic pounding in his hears and then nothing. Slowly, he stood up.
Eyes wide, he began to say something he would never finish: "I'm... I'm not ult-" and he was cut off by the all-to-familiar "POP" of a person's eardrums exploding with pressure. He howled in pain and - gripping his ears - fell writhing to the sidewalk and screeched at the top of his lungs while the police force stood over him. There was nothing they could do to save him.
But they could do something to prevent more deaths like his.
As Thomas Smith watched the man he had just shot, he began to think. He thought What if we all sign a petition to end the distribution of SISGs? Smith was getting sick of watching men bleed to death through their ears. Especially men like this one. He had skipped bail (he was due in court 3 weeks ago for association in a hitman organization), and now he was dying. As Mikael Jonson Screamed his last scream of life and ceased writhing, Smith spoke up.
"Guys," he whispered, turning his eyes away from the dead man and torward the other members of his squad. "Guys... We should start a petition."
The rest of the squad turned to him with a blank stare on each of their faces.
"A petition to end distribution of the SISGs! Come on! Lok at this guy-" and he pointed to he stone-still figure laying on the sidewalk -" and tell me that we shouldn't end this!" he cried out desperately.
Jasmyn Claire stared thoughtfully at Jonson's body. After a few seconds, she spoke.
"You're right, Smith. We should petition to end things like this, her voice was a barely audible hoarse whisper. Very soon, the rest of the squad members voiced their approval.
Jacob McKain's voice rose over the rest: "Everyone thinks technology is making things better, but look at Jonson and tell me they're right!"
Jokingly, Erin Miller said "Yeah! Technology - what a bummer!" and everyone smiled. It was Miller's personality to turn a somber moment less somber. That was a necessary skill for a police squad member in the year 2057.
*SISG - Standard Issue Sound Gun
________________________________________________________________________________________
So, what do you think? Keep in mind this is not the whole first chapter. And I didn't just think this up on the spot. I've got all of chapter one and the first page of chapter two written out longhand. Hope you enjoyed it.
001: "Technology - What a Bummer!"
"Freeze!" yelled an authoritative voice. Mikael Jonson turned around just in time to die.He tried to scream. "Holy-" was all he got out before the impact of a SISG* wav hit him full on. He toppled backward - slowly, it seemed - and hit the cold pavement hard. He then discovered that he was ultra-sensitive to the hyper-sonic sound waves produced by the SISGs. He felt a slow rhythmic pounding in his hears and then nothing. Slowly, he stood up.
Eyes wide, he began to say something he would never finish: "I'm... I'm not ult-" and he was cut off by the all-to-familiar "POP" of a person's eardrums exploding with pressure. He howled in pain and - gripping his ears - fell writhing to the sidewalk and screeched at the top of his lungs while the police force stood over him. There was nothing they could do to save him.
But they could do something to prevent more deaths like his.
As Thomas Smith watched the man he had just shot, he began to think. He thought What if we all sign a petition to end the distribution of SISGs? Smith was getting sick of watching men bleed to death through their ears. Especially men like this one. He had skipped bail (he was due in court 3 weeks ago for association in a hitman organization), and now he was dying. As Mikael Jonson Screamed his last scream of life and ceased writhing, Smith spoke up.
"Guys," he whispered, turning his eyes away from the dead man and torward the other members of his squad. "Guys... We should start a petition."
The rest of the squad turned to him with a blank stare on each of their faces.
"A petition to end distribution of the SISGs! Come on! Lok at this guy-" and he pointed to he stone-still figure laying on the sidewalk -" and tell me that we shouldn't end this!" he cried out desperately.
Jasmyn Claire stared thoughtfully at Jonson's body. After a few seconds, she spoke.
"You're right, Smith. We should petition to end things like this, her voice was a barely audible hoarse whisper. Very soon, the rest of the squad members voiced their approval.
Jacob McKain's voice rose over the rest: "Everyone thinks technology is making things better, but look at Jonson and tell me they're right!"
Jokingly, Erin Miller said "Yeah! Technology - what a bummer!" and everyone smiled. It was Miller's personality to turn a somber moment less somber. That was a necessary skill for a police squad member in the year 2057.
*SISG - Standard Issue Sound Gun
________________________________________________________________________________________
So, what do you think? Keep in mind this is not the whole first chapter. And I didn't just think this up on the spot. I've got all of chapter one and the first page of chapter two written out longhand. Hope you enjoyed it.
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