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Let's Play Liquid Crystal !!!

23
Posts
15
Years
    • Seen May 15, 2015
    My first thread and LP I hope you guys engoy

    Here goes:

    Spoiler:
     
    Last edited by a moderator:

    Binary

    え?
    3,977
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Apr 7, 2014
    It's nice for a first LP. You need to take more care of your grammar/punctuation.
    It wasn't entirely funny, but it was amusing.
     

    Kevin

    kevin del rey
    2,686
    Posts
    13
    Years
  • It's alright for your first LP. Like Binary said; fix grammar/punctuation. It wasn't really funny, but the again I don't laugh a whole lot. =P
     

    Zeffy

    g'day
    6,402
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Feb 7, 2024
    Amusing, as it is, the grammar really puts it off. @_@
    Good luck on this. :D
     

    Resultz

    All- round Poke-Whizz
    583
    Posts
    14
    Years
  • tbh its a bit 'meh'

    one thing that really puts me off is the overuse of '?' and '!'
    i mean why use 3 where one is necessary?
    also why the space in between?

    look at my pokemon !!!
    or
    look at my pokemon!


    what is a pokemon ???
    or
    what is a pokemon?

    be honest which looks better?
     

    *Minun*

    Loves ponies, hates phonies
    142
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • I really like this LP! It's the best I've seen in quite a while!

    I look forward to reading more.

    Also, thanks for not being dumb with your rival and just calling him "Gay" or something ans then through the rest of the LP go "LOLOLOL you are gay you gay ur name sez gay so ur gay!" You're actually doing the rival funnily.
     
    23
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen May 15, 2015
    tbh its a bit 'meh'

    one thing that really puts me off is the overuse of '?' and '!'
    i mean why use 3 where one is necessary?
    also why the space in between?

    look at my pokemon !!!
    or
    look at my pokemon!


    what is a pokemon ???
    or
    what is a pokemon?

    be honest which looks better?

    Fixed!
    The second one looks better
    thanks for the comment it really helped

    I really like this LP! It's the best I've seen in quite a while!

    I look forward to reading more.

    Also, thanks for not being dumb with your rival and just calling him "Gay" or something ans then through the rest of the LP go "LOLOLOL you are gay you gay ur name sez gay so ur gay!" You're actually doing the rival funnily.

    Thanks, I'll try to make another one soon ..;)
    P.S : I really don't see a point in calling your rival a Gay
     
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